Thread: Self-Respect: Tell Me What It Means To Me

WARNING: This goes beyond simple pickup. If you are here to get routines and gimmicks, then you will not like the following post. However, if you are here to better your life, and discover all the ways in which you can be the best man you can be, then you may proceed.

“Hey dude, can you do me a favor? Can you hold my drink while I dance with your girlfriend, and possibly make out with her? You will? Oh thanks bro. Can I get 5 bucks for cab fare too, you know, when I take your girl home to have rough anal sex, with lots of spanking? Dude, thanks, you are the best!”

If this has ever happened to you, you may be suffering from a lack of self-respect. This is the biggest problem I notice on the forums these days. Just about 95% of the “Help!” posts I see wouldn’t be necessary if these dudes had self-respect. Especially in the relationships sub-forum, where guy’s lack of respect for themselves destroys relationships, and makes it almost impossible for any progress. So why is it so important? What can you do to increase your amount of self-respect?

Just how deep is this problem? Casually browsing through the forums today, I see posts where a) a guy wants to get back with his lying/cheating girlfriend, because he can’t do any better, b) a guy allows a woman to call him a bitch to his face, c) a guy who puts up with his bitch of a girlfriend because he wants to ‘make it work’ when really they are not right for each other, d) a guy being way too clingy, because it’s the first time his wiener has been touched, etc etc etc. I could go on all day, but you get the general idea.

Why does this happen? I believe a lot of dudes have a warped sense of respect, due to the way our society functions. Our television shows do not show strong male characters anymore, or if they do, he is usually the villain with a major character flaw. Our common television man is a hapless, pussy whipped beta. Think of your friends? Betas. In just about every aspect of the word. How many friends do you know that wouldn’t betray you for a slice of pussy pie? I don’t know that many. In fact, I could probably count them on my fingers. Why does this happen?

It’s simple really. Because making television shows about spineless men is funny. Why? Because it takes how things should be and flips it upside down. Most comedy is about taking something that is ordinary and flipping it around to make it funny. Take Friends for example: 3 strong women characters who play the field like men, and 2 spineless betas who act like women, plus 1 alpha, who ironically is the dumbest of all of them. It’s funny, because it’s the opposite of how proper gender roles should be. So you have this inherent joke built into the show, with little jokes and plots lines piled on top to make it hysterical.

The problem comes whenever kids watch these shows, and think that this is normal behavior for men and women. So the kids, who lack proper masculine influence , take it as being ok to be a pussy, and let men and women tramp over you, in the name of “respecting” other people. I believe this to be a deep root of the problem.

Also take the fact that our society has no coming-of-age rituals for our men. The Jews have Bar Mitzvahs, but the average American man? Not a damn thing. This blurs the line for us for when childhood ends, and manhood begins. As consequence, we have a lot of 20-something guys out there who are really grown children, not men, unable to bask in their masculinity.

These are just some of the many ways masculinity is repressed in our society. I won’t go into detail more, because this post is already longer than I want it to be, but you get the idea. All of this shit translates into a lack of self-respect that leads to failed relationships, one-sided friendships, and overall unhappiness.

I can now give you a very real example of two friends of mine who have very little self-respect. “Craig” and “Dan” are two good college buddies of mine. Real nice dudes, and we hang out frequently. They are both good looking dudes (no homo) and they are built very nicely (defined abs, and whatnot). These two dudes should be pulling more pussy then they know what to do with. Yet for some reason, they are tied down to girls who have little respect for them.

Dan’s girlfriend went to the beach this summer without him. While she was there, she got drunk and took some dude’s love spear into her vaj box. She told Dan later, and he was heartbroken. I saw Dan two weeks after it happened. He was a wreck, and I felt awful for the dude, as he is a good friend. What does Dan do? He stays with her, pleads to her that they can “work out their problems” and continue being together. This reeks of low self-respect. A man who respects himself does not go back to a whore. Once she has violated your trust, she has no ground to stand on, and she be cut out from your life. Period. End of discussion. I was talking to Dan recently about the problem, and he said that it was ok now, because “he gets anal and facials on demand” from his girlfriend to “make up” for her cheating. This is not a business transaction guys. This type of shit can only breed resentment, and lead to a downfall of the relationship. I predict it will be over in a year.

Craig has a very similar situation. His girlfriend cheated on him, admitted it, and now Craig gets anal and facials on demand. Plus she allows him (notice how fucked up this is) to tell her what to do (commands and whatnot), and she will do it to make up her slutty behavior. This is a poor showing of dominant male/submissive female behavior, and stems from the problem of no self-respect. This will also breed resentment down the line, and you can see where I’m going with this.

If Craig or Dan respected themselves, they would have gotten rid of the sluts, and found a worthy girl, capable of fidelity. Instead, they became the laughing stock of our social circle because of their unwillingness to move on. A fear of moving on is from your fear of being alone, or being afraid that you can’t get any better. The worst part? Dan’s girlfriend was giving me seduction eyes last weekend. She’ll cheat again in 6 months, I’d put money on it.

Where am I getting with this? Well look at it this way. You are a man. You are a dominant force in any relationship you shall choose. Your self-respect and intuition help you make the best decisions possible. You do not tolerate people who deceive you, lie to you, or disrespect you. Why? Because you get to make your own destiny, and surround yourself with worthy people. The first kind of people (liars, deceivers, ignorant) can only bring your downfall. The second kind (worthy, hardworking, honest) can only lead to your greatness.

So how do you expand upon your self-respect? It is easier said than done. It is easy to sit on the other end of your computer and say, “Well, dangonit, I’m going to start respecting myself, and putting my needs first!” and turn around, and play bottom to society’s dick. Here are some thing that have helped me:

1. Get some standards. Dictate in your head exactly what you want (within reason) from any potential girlfriends or friends. Write down also what you DO NOT want from them. Use this as a template on which you judge all new people coming into your life. Potential girlfriend who uses you like a doormat? Kick her ass to the curb. Potential friend who respects your opinion, and is fun to be around? Grab some beers with him.

2. Model your behavior. This may sound stupid, but it has helped me a lot. Pick a strong male character to model your behavior off of. If you know somebody who you’d like to emulate, such as a parent/grandparent/uncle/friend then use this to your ability. When confronted with a decision, then think to yourself: What would a strong alpha do? This has helped me tremendously when it comes to making important decisions. You may also use example from television (James Bond , Christian Troy, etc), but bear in mind that the characters aren’t real, and to act within reason.

3. Read up on inner game . To understand what it means to have strong self-respect, you must first know of all the areas that inner game entails. Go to our Inner Game Forum, and read the stickies, all of them, twice. Go to the booklist, and start reading. This is going to give you a general idea about what to look for, and how to modify your behavior so that your inner game shines.

4. More experience. Finally, no amount of 1-3 is going to help you if you don’t get your ass out and live life. Experience is the best teacher of them all, and hindsight is 20/20. Once you realize you where in a relationship where there was no self-respect, it will be easier to recognize in the future . So make sure you get out of your chair, and go out to enjoy life.

All said and done, it is about damn time that you start respecting yourself. Stop being the doormat in your relationships and friendships. Your needs come first. Your happiness is paramount to anybody else’s. Self-respecting men have done great things, and most of what you see around you was created by these type of men. Will you join their ranks and press forward with society? Or will you forever be society’s whipping boy, destined to eat shit sandwiches with a grin on your face? It’s your choice.

Cool post.

I think I had a turning point in inner game - just last night, in fact. A regular at a club I go to I've hooked up with before and tried to take home (unsuccessfully) a couple weeks ago I met again a week later and she couldn't stop telling me about how much she liked me, then unashamedly made out with another guy in front of me. Then two things happened:

1. I didn't actually care. Whatever. She's just some club girl. I would've actually taken this very badly a year ago. I would've hated myself, thought I wasn't good enough, whatever. There are BILLIONS of girls out there. The more you game, the more you start attracting women, the more you realise it's just not worth getting so upset over one girl - especially one you haven't slept with. It was only about 6 months ago that I was still hoping to get with "this one girl" who I was OBSESSED about for a fucking YEAR. Sure, she was creative, she was funny, she was one of the coolest girls I've met, and she was hot, but she was just ONE GIRL. And did I sleep with her? Of course not.
2. I froze the bitch out. Ran into her again last night. I could see the gears grinding in her head: "ah, here's Mr. Pushover I can entertain myself with for a couple hours again." I barely acknowledged her. She tried to regain my attention by kissing me. I gave her the cheek. She kept pawing at me and I ignored her. While I acknowledge that if I haven't progressed the relationship on past occasions it was due to mistakes in my game, leading me on for two hours and then making out with some other guy is my definition of disrespect - bad game or not. If she does not respect me, she is not good enough for me. Maybe I could've even had her last night after I showed her I wasn't going to take her shit anymore. But respecting yourself comes before pussy, and it has taken me a VERY long time to realise that. I am no longer an option for her, and that is final.

Not getting the girl never felt so good.

i like it. good post

+10000

5 stars

It is a good commentary, amigo, good on you!

As for American male rituals? Getting sons drunk and pointing at babes to say 'hey wouldn't you like to bang that?' is what we Americans do now-a-days. Pish. If I get sons, I'll have rituals for 'em to embolden them. Life HAS to have some fantastic qualities, otherwise it's hardly worth living. Life in this world, thanks to how we're told it looks, just plain sucks. No glory, no life, no fun. Just 'ideas' and 'goals,' but nothing about NOW that makes things worth living for the FUTURE .

Respect is quite an attractive quality, as your post happens to illustrate. It shows a sense of authority, because you know right from wrong and stand by it. A woman will follow a man who knows his own lead.

I'm saving this post; thanks, bro.

Good Post

People treat you how you treat yourself.
If you have self respect - people will respect you.

Idd a great post!

Self respect goes hand in hand with self esteem. If you don't have one of 'em you won't have the other. And without these 2 life is though. With the ladies, with your job, with your friends, with everything.

Today I stood up and went to church and after service I went for a walk in the park with my ipod . A morning of happiness and a fresh start for the week. You can let go of all the stress and rethink how good your life is. Little things you normally take for granted come up. The ability to see, hear, walk are all emphasized and it feels good. You walk through the park, sun is shining, see people in love with eachother sitting on a bench. Father with his 3/4 year old son looking at the water. Woman pushing the wheelchair her mother is in and having a good time. It almost looks like a cheap 'feel-good movie' but it works.
How is this related to self respect? Well very simple: you realize how good life is and what you are able of and what you've already achieved. It really is a boost for me. And a less direct reason: You've got rid of the bad feelings and maybe the negative vibe you were carrying around you. Now as we all know, nobody wants negativity in their lives and so they won't surround them selfs with negative people.
Somehow I always have big respect for people who are positive and happy all the time and like being around them. So you need to adept the same positivity.

Good post indeed.
- Respect yourself, be real, be congruent and be confident.
- However as a downfall(jst like in the Laws of Power) start thinking too high of yourself and u will lose everything u've created. Respecting yourself does NOT mean disrespecting others.

Jst my 2 cents.
- Hitman

awesome post man. its true, inner game is de most important part of your game. not only in relation to women but to your overall life as well. come on man, inner game is just really our slang for self-respect n self-esteem. without it i don't care how many routines u know, how good looking u r or watever. wen u dont respect an love uself u r basically screaming out, "World fuck me over! i dont deserve any better." in all human relationships people will get away with watever u allow dem to get awat with, so how much r u allowing them to get away with?

Word, sick post man.

Coincidentally, I just cut out a friend who disrespected me big time yesterday by cocking blocking me while I was talking to some chicks on the bus and DLVing me big time and then "forgetting" to wake me up as we were coming back.

Why settle for negativity when you don't deserve it?

what about b) when a girl calls a guy a bitch to his face

how should you respond if this does happen to you