Letís imagine you want to be the fastest race driver. Your first concern probably will be the car that youíll drive. So you find this car that you love with the most powerful engine but everything else needs fixing. Breaks, turbo, tires, spoiler, etc. You waste ALL your budget to the car. And you think ďwell I donít care for everything else since races are won from speed, and having the best engine is what mattersĒ.
Social skills and pick up
So, one of your friends tells you, that he knows an older champion of the rally that youíll be racing, that can train you. But he isnít a mechanic so he can only teach you the skills needed on how to drift, accelerate, change gears efficiently etc.
After lots of theory time passes with him. You now head to the circuit. You start the engine of your car. In your brain you have ALL THE INFO NEEDED. Everything, any details resides in your brain. You know your shit so good you can do them in your mind perfectly. The green light opens and you do what you are taught to doÖ but you fail. The car doesnít respond as fast as you d like. Itís ok you say, probably I did something wrong. The first corner comes and you want to get the inside lane. You spin the wheel but the car doesnít respond again as you wanted it. You miss it by far. Hmm you think something is wrong here. Next is a big straight so you push the car to the limit, yet the turbo doesnít seem to respondÖ Next is a hard turnÖ you press the breaks and they donít respond. You end up crushing on the wall.
You get out of the car and you start screaming that the car is useless and your instructor sucks. Everyone is at fault except youÖ
Welcome to The Attraction Forums. Where when you fail itís the instructorís fault, the womenís fault, the lifeís fault, your parentís fault and so on. Ever thought that dating skills are just one of the MANY social skills? And surprise surprise. To be good on the dating skills you need synergy with the other social skills!
Now read my example above and imagine that the powerful engine is the dating skills. You probably thought that this is all you needed to get women or in that case win a rally. So of course you neglected basic components (social skills) of the car. Those being breaks, spoiler, turbo, tires etc. Now letís see what social skills you might have neglected in order to save time and only learn dating skills:
* Being a Friend
* Helping Others
* Being Patient
* Following Directions
* Taking Turns
* Remaining on Task
* Accepting Differences
* Praising Others and Refraining from Put Downs
* Positive Communication and Interactions
* Being Polite and Courteous
* Using Good Manners
* Respecting Ourselves, Others and Items
* Being Respectful
So it all becomes clear where you fail when you try to pick up women. You canít cooperate with your wing? He or/and you donít have the necessary cooperation skills. You try to get his target or a spot on the table? You lack sharing skills. He tells you the scripted scenario of the pick up and you canít follow it? You canít follow directions. You insist that again itís your turn to pick the girl from the group that you like first when he already passed you the previous 2 sets? You donít know how to take turns. After 1 failed sarge you decide you had it for the night? You canít remain on the task. A woman on the set tells you she is a feminist and you make it a goal for the night to insult her? You canít accept differences. You try to DHV all the time, you do 100 routines, without listening what the woman is saying or what the set is saying? You lack listening skills.
And the worse are yet to comeÖ You try to put everyone down and you donít praise anyone but yourself? That is because of lack of that social skill. At some point you start becoming negative? You think negging is insulting women? You think opening doors is for losers? You try to play the bad boy showing lack of manners? You donít respect peopleís time and property? Guess what. No dating skills will cover up for you if you donít have these skills. No instructor in the world will make you good with women without these. No amount of gym or inner game will save you from plummeting in getting women to your bed.
Of course there are many more social skills. Most of them are protocol and some of them depend on the culture of the place u live in. I already made a post in off topic about Savoir Vivre. Those are social skills. Even fashion and dressing properly is social skills since your interactions are affected by them.
Something not many people discuss is that women judge you not just by your game but overall on your social skills. You might sweep her off her feet but is she comfortable to meet you to her friends or her boss? Are you awkward? You canít hold normal conversations? Are you bored? Do you have manners? Integrity? Do you have self respect? (come on CMPitts I am waiting for that thread). All these matter and some times more than the level of your game.
For example many people canít form social circles, canít get friends, people donít like them much. They donít wanna hang out with them yet they think that getting women is all that matters. Wrong. The more people you interact with, the more social skills youíll eventually get/learn. You can also watch people around you. Watch some movies. For example a very good example that comes to mind is the series ďThe big bang theoryĒ. You can easily see why the guys are not getting laid. And yes I know movies arenít real life yet your perception can pick up some hints. Who knows in the future maybe even dating companies will go a step back and become social skills companies.
First step in the solution of every problem is accepting that there is a problem. Once you accept that the problem is inside then you can design steps to the desired goal. Itís easy to hold everyone responsible for our failures but that doesnít make us any better. Dating skills canít alone get you girls. In my work there is a saying that 70% is social skills and 30% is actual skills. If you are a dick that knows he know everything (even if you do know everything) unless you can make people to like you soon enough youíll lose your job. On the other hand if you can make people to like you, theyíll be willing to show you stuff that you might not know. And take this from me. Being just good with women wonít get you far in life. Being good with people is the ultimate goal.
Hope you enjoyed it,