Buying Drinks...

[Tenmagnet]

Hey guys,

I started a blog, at tenmag.blogspot.com, and here is my first article. I though I would post it for you guys here, to get the word out.


A lot of guys ask me the question "is it OK for me to buy her a drink?". It's actually kind of a controversial subject amongst guys who teach others how to pick up. Some people will say "never", because it makes you look supplicant, or needy, while others say you should always do it.

Personally, I don't think it's a big deal.

Certainly, you don't want to give the impression that you are bribing a woman into talking to you. That's why I generally advise that you don't open a conversation with "can I buy you a drink". However, at a certain place in an interaction, it's totally appropriate to do this.

Usually, when I buy a woman a drink, it's 5-10 minutes into the conversation. At this point, we're just getting to the point where we're moving past small talk and silly jokes, and we're getting into a more "getting to know you" kind of conversation - the phase described in the Venutian Arts Handbook as "A3". When she says something funny, or interesting, trying to impress you a bit- that is the time to buy a drink for a woman. By waiting until the right moment, you make her feel as though she has earned your interest (buying a drink shows interest, obviously) by impressing you.

And I don't just say "what do you want" and walk off. Buying a drink is a good opportunity to go for a little walk around the bar, and perhaps speak to her in a more private situation. If she's surrounded by friends (most beautiful women are), a walk to the bar is the easiest and most natural way to get her away from her friends so you can speak with her one on one. Getting a woman one-on-one is a very important step in building the kind of deep attraction that you need to meet up with her again.

One disclaimer though - if she's already drunk, don't buy her another. Not only is it morally wrong to ply women with alcohol, but it's much more likely to ruin your interaction with a woman than make it better. There's nothing worse than meeting a really sweet girl at 10pm, only to find at 1am she's a rambling, annoying drunk. Sober women are more fun, more interesting and much more likely to answer the phone when you call (or come home with you, for that matter).

[seldomseen]

I agree. I can usually tell if she's feeling me or if she's playing the surface and trying to see if I'll bite. If I buy a girl a drink it's usually 10-15 minutes in a conversation and I'm offering

"don't mean to cut you off but I'm going to get me a bourbon and coke, can I get you anything?"

If a girl is just talking with me but making eyes with her friend then looks back at me, smiles while rocking her head to the music and comes out with "why don't you buy me a drink" I usually just smile and say "that would be nice wouldn't it" and I keep on talking without doing anything. It's all situational. I think in 20 years of going to clubs and bars I've probably bought about 10 drinks. LOL!

[Gabriel]

Originally Posted by Tenmagnet

And I don't just say "what do you want" and walk off. Buying a drink is a good opportunity to go for a little walk around the bar, and perhaps speak to her in a more private situation. If she's surrounded by friends (most beautiful women are), a walk to the bar is the easiest and most natural way to get her away from her friends so you can speak with her one on one. Getting a woman one-on-one is a very important step in building the kind of deep attraction that you need to meet up with her again.

I usually tell them that I'll buy them a Bartender's Pet Pieve. They'll ask me what it is and I reply "Water with Lemon" with a big grin on my face.

I usually toss a quarter though.

[sdnightfly]

If you want to summarize this down, it's about the "can I buy you a drink" line to keep her around. Even if she's average. someone's going to be buying her drinks.
It should be a situation where you offer though. When she goes "why don't you buy me a drink", it's a test.

It's become controversial because some of the advertising is saying that you'll never HAVE to buy a girl another drink ever again. You have to gauge how many drinks she's had so far and whether her night out is to scam free drinks or not. If I have a feeling it's a scam, then I comment on anything to make her come off as a cheap ass, but say it nicely.

You should be able to look at the drink she's having, name it off the top of your head and get it right, go "I've got the next one, but you owe me one" and give her that look. This means you have a good memory, you show confidence, and you can be considerate.