A Stripper's Mentality: by VeraLynn

[VeraLynn]

Well, this is how *I* think about things. There's no way for me to say that this is how ALL of us think. Each girl is an individual person with her own goals, dreams, and past.

I'm currently engaged, and did not meet my fiance at work but at a bar/club. I'd been single for about a year before meeting him.

I've seen it said over and over that guys need to stay away from ever buying dances from a dancer/stripper in order to get into her pants or date her. In the time I was single, there were several customers (read: anyone walking into the club I work at) I gave my phone number to/got their number, asking them to see them outside of work. The question is... WHY? How can you find the magic formula that encouraged me to do this?

Well, it's not magic. These guys were attractive to me, first of all. They made an effort to look and smell good. They were groomed to make a positive impression. This was physically someone I would want to be seen in public with. Please note, just because a woman is a dancer doesn't mean she is only interested in tall muscleheads. My type of guy is tall and thin with good muscle tone. The fiance is 6 feet tall and 150 pounds with a 6-pack. Each individual woman has her own tastes in men, just like men who walk into the door of a strip club is going to find diffent women attractive. Otherwise we'd all look exactly the same!

If it wasn't busy and I had time to sit and talk with guys, I often would. Some dancers loathe other dancers who do this. Our time is money. The jist of the strip club is you come in and pay/tip a dancer for her time and effort to make you feel like a stud. She is not there to make new friends or socialize. This is the way she earns a living and she doesn't want to give too much of her time away for free. If she does, her time will have less value. Why spend money on a dancer in the champagne room if she will sit and talk all night for free?

If it was busy, and someone wanted to pay for my time, that was great. I am not a machine, and don't ever throw a guy into some "customer, never going to get my phone number" category in my head for doing this. There have been times while I was dancing for someone that the chemistry was electric. My sexuality was humming, I was getting turned on. My normal sensual moves were not faked - my body was so in tune with this person, I knew there was something more to be had than just some cash (if I wanted it). This happened one time for maybe every 250 or 300 guys I danced for.

The kinds of guys I *would* put into the "never going to get my number" category include:

-Says nothing during a dance and doesn't even look like he's enjoying it. No feedback. Makes me wonder if I'm boring him.

-Can't keep his hands off me. Even when I tell him that I could get fired if he continues, he keeps doing it. Never asks "May I touch.." or "Is it okay if I..." but just lets his hands wander wherever he wants. Shows no respect for my boundaries, whether they are work-imposed or because that is my personal comfort zone.

-Simply isn't attractive to me. Overweight. Wearing ratty t-shirt, looks like he rolled out of bed and put on whatever was lying wrinkled on the floor. 60-years old. (Yah, you're a little too old for me, buddy.) A t-shirt with some witty saying meant to pick up chicks. A guy with a big rock in his left ear, bling around his neck, an Affliction/Ed Hardy t-shirt - visually bragging about his wealth but refuses to tip decently on stage and/or do a dance with any of the dancers. Cocky attitude, waving dancers over just to ask about what she is doing later and if I want to "party" after work, usually using the terms "baby" or "ma". Any combination of or individual previously mentioned traits.

-Can't stop complimenting me. Every other phrase is about just how awesome I look, how beautiful/perfect my (insert body part here) is. Conversation only goes as far as how often I work out (I don't, actually, other than my stage work and lap dances. Never worked out in a gym my entire life) or how did I get so lucky to be so hot(?). Okay, so you're attracted to me. I got that. Can we talk about something else now? Please?

-After chatting for a few minutes, I ask if he would like to come for a dance and he responds with "I'd rather take you to dinner." Nice gesture, but I need a lot more than a 10 minute conversation to determine if I want to make time to go to dinner with you. I do have a life outside of the club (my job, mind you)... including friends, family, three cats, a few hobbies. Living over an hour from the club I work at also usually means drive time back to the area or at least 35 minutes to one of the restaurants sort of near where I live but not close enough where someone could easily follow me home. It's just a fact that I could probably go out to dinner with a different guy every night if I really wanted to. But I don't want to. Especially those of us in a "look at me!" social job need some alone time, down-time, to just chill and not have to worry about how we look or what anyone else is thinking.

The bit that really got me in the end was that those few guys I was interested in who claimed to be single and intrested in me always gave me a fake number and never called. I really can take "no" for an answer. I do it every night I work. For every "yes" I get, I've probably gotten 5 or more "no" answers. Why take it that far? Just to prove to your buddies that you got a stripper's number (and how do you know it's not fake?)?

Can anyone answer me why a guy would do that? Am I close?

In conclusion....
Take us all as individual people, please. Some girls I know need cocaine, heroin, or large amounts of alcohol to do what we do. Many of us do it stone cold sober, confident in ourselves and not ashamed of our work. I've heard a lot of complicated drama inside and outside of work while there are a few of us who make it a point to stay out of any drama and keep our interactions with other dancers to professional friendships inside of work only. Stereotyping us will not help your cause!

[Bludbath]

I dont mean to neg or insult you or anything.
Frankly however, you CANNOT give any valuable insight into how to pickup strippers, even if you are a stripper.. Simply because you're a woman...

You say all the same crap taht every other "Woman" says, about being an individual and a deep spiritual, blah blah blah!
If we had listened to people like you from the start of this community, we would have never gotten this far.
I think first we must teach and learn effective and practical means of getting what we want(as men), then learn how to respect all taht stuff you talk about.

Sadly, I havent seen a single valuable or worthy post you've made yet Vera. You sound to me like the same cliche, typical woman that is going to set this community back much more than progress it further...

[VeraLynn]

LOL... I'm not here trying to help guys pick up a stripper. That's where you have me wrong. I'm here to simply give my personal opinion and frame it as nothing more, nothing less. If you don't any questions for me or you'd like to take my answers with a grain of salt, so be it. Several have asked my thoughts in private messages and I've answered the best I could.

Telling a female whatever it takes to get her into bed, in my opinion, is wrong on so many levels. Strippers especially have heard many, many lines. Every night we work, someone is trying to find a way to get us into bed with them.

I think what many guys need to learn is how to relax and treat women like human beings instead of some Ultimate Goddess to be put on a pedestal. Even those women who you guys would call "HB10" are real people under their looks. They want to be respected just like everyone else. That, in the long run, is what will get you the furthest in relationships of any kind (again, in my opinion).

Now, please tell me... how exactly does that set this community back?

Originally Posted by Bludbath

I dont mean to neg or insult you or anything.
Frankly however, you CANNOT give any valuable insight into how to pickup strippers, even if you are a stripper.. Simply because you're a woman...

You say all the same crap taht every other "Woman" says, about being an individual and a deep spiritual, blah blah blah!
If we had listened to people like you from the start of this community, we would have never gotten this far.
I think first we must teach and learn effective and practical means of getting what we want(as men), then learn how to respect all taht stuff you talk about.

Sadly, I havent seen a single valuable or worthy post you've made yet Vera. You sound to me like the same cliche, typical woman that is going to set this community back much more than progress it further...

[DeadEyeDick]

Please stop the off-topic mysoginistic bullshit.

If you want to talk about gaming strippers, have at it.

If you want to espouse your theories about women that expose deep-seated issues, this is not the thread -- or the Forum -- for that.

Thanks. Any more bullshit gets warnings.