Becoming dominant in friendship relations. How to do it?

[just_rookie]

Well, well, so my story is quite simple:

Long, long time ago I was really self-confident and used to have a looooot of friends. Everybody liked me and I was in the middle of attention - I was leader.

Later, some people that were out of my leadership and didn't want to get under my leadership did EVERYTHING to stop this. And guess what? They did. In that time I also became addicted to internet game (wow).

Also, I wasn't careful about toxic relations, unfortunately that one met me. It was a friend who totally destroyed my social life, my hobbies, my emotions. He was boring guy, didn't like big parties, noone liked him (except me) so he didn't get invited anywhere, he was pesimist. We had no topics to talk about, all the time he said about his life - how shitty it is. When we didn't have pesimist topics, there was a silence. When I tried to talk about something interesting positive/interesting he instantly changed topic. It leaded me to nowhere and unfortunately I spent one year of being his friend.

And then I realized that because of him, my addiction to WOW and my own world where I've been alone - I lost everything I had in social life - friends, confidence, positive thinking etc. I also started to wear same things like he did. And I looked like a nerd but I used to like it. It was also hard to talk with me cause 1/2 of his words was "Fuck" etc. He was really nervous. It affected me I became almost the same.

After I realized what happened I got depressed. I decided to stay alone. I was sad all the time but I wasn't meeting him anymore.

Later, I found the PUA's community, some psychologics ebooks and decided to bring old times back (situation where I was the leader with a lot of friends).
I quitted WOW, changed things I wear, tried to get friends again. Plan to become leader was:

1) Meet friends, have some hobbies that I can share with them (I lost my hobbies in my 'bad' time.), talk with them.

2) Remove negative comments because some people used to "neg" me and what's stupid I even used to "neg" myself.

3) After getting respect, become dominant in my relations with friends.

4) And then I could be leader.

Plan seems to be smart but there's one problem how to realize those points:

Realizing point one is quite easy - just play some sports, do some interesting things, make partys, get invited to the partys, go to the clubs etc. I think I've done it.

Point two wasn't so easy as point one but also it wasn't hard - after making plan I had just simple issue - if someone negs me I neg him back but harder. It makes him shut up.

But there are problems with points three and four - it's hard for me to become dominant again - when I'm online on MSN people almost never write to me. When I'm talking with some people it's them who set topics - not me. With some people there's also problem that it's always me who has to invite them somewhere, they rarely wants to hang out. Just in 80% of my relations I'm not dominant.

so here's my first question:

How to become dominant person, that everyone cares about? I want everybody to care about my opinion, everybody to want to spend his time with me etc. How to do it?

And then I'll have to become a leader and I ask you what should I do when I'll finally become dominant to become their leader?

Thanks in advance for your answers and advices,

/just_rookie

[Promitius]

Be interesting, be mysterious, don't be needy. Turn off your phone for a week (except emergency calls or to hang out with someone) people will wonder where you went. Get off MSN AIM etc for a week. It works wonders if the people you care about are online often.

No one cares about your opinion usually. But if you make your opinion valuable then people will at least pretend to care. Find relevant ground. Use facebook to steer conversations with people in real life by reading up on their interests.

[Hitman47]

Thats a tough question... Id want to know it too, but hell u had it so figure out what uve done back in time.
My best advice is jst be cool - dont be needy (thats a huge point)
and 2nd dont hang out with ppl who used to think bad of u. U can even be the president of the US but the image they have of u wont change...sadly

[LittlbigD]

Dont try and extablish dominance or game your friends. It is entirely lame and doesnt make you worthy of their friendship at all.

Their are a couple of top famous pick up artists that I can think of that are never able to turn off the game. When they meet people they are always amog-ing them, establishing dominace, manipulating them, etc. It is annoying and it is hard to like someone who cant or doesnt know how to be genuine.

Just be yourself with your friends. Make yourself worthy of their friendship.

[Smilie]

I completely agree with LittlbigD. To be perfectly honest, I was reading through your post (the original one) and it is 100% clear to me that your social prioroties are all wrong. Forget about dominance! Your need to be dominant has no doubt been the main reason you have lost friends. In my social groups there are a few who always try to be dominant and frame control everything. It is no coinsidence that it is these people who have become less and less popular over the years. People do not like to be dominated. Even if you try to lay out subtle hoops for others to jump though they will get sick of it. I think it was Mystery I heard say that the first characteristic of an Alpha male is that they smile. This is totally true. You need to focus on being a fun, friendly, interesting and considerate guy who is confident without being anoyingly arrogant. You need to focus on getting large social circles before you can consider dominating them.