new to area, need advice on my approach

[phlyr]

I just got out of the military three weeks ago. I've moved back home, after five years, and really only have my family and maybe, two other significant friends. I do have my family and my two brothers, which are cool ASS dudes, but I want my own clique. I don't want to borrow friends. I'm living in my own apartment with my brother and my good friend.

These last couple weeks has really given me the opportunity to look deep into myself and realize my true goals, aspirations and outlook on life. I'm trying really hard to develop some mad inner game, so that people will be genuinely interested in me. I have something to offer them,.. I'm a cool ASS dude, or at least thats what I'm trying to portray.

I got a job as a bus-boy @ Texas Roadhouse, I'm 23, because I want to be a bartender through college. I understand I have to work my way up and sweep parking lots and what not. They already told me I'll be server in a month and a half, but I'm unsure if I really want to stay there when I can go to a much cooler place. I'm really considering this winery downtown.

The thing is though, We have 58 servers and 47 of them are girls, between the ages of 17 and 22. And then 10 hostesses which are all really cute. My formula for approach has been, "Friends can get you home or to the party, and seduction gets you to the bedroom." So, I'm really just trying to be friends with these girls. I've already been given two phone numbers, after working for two weeks. I didn't ask for them, they just gave them too me. A lot of the girls think I'm good-looking and honestly, I'm probly better off than a lot of the other guys that work there. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I'm just saying.

I want these girls to think I'm a cool friendly dude, and I'm not trying to hook up with them. I know that sounds gay, but remember, I have such a small social network right now. I constantly want to be surrounded by cute, funny girls, who have friends.

First question; Should I stay here a little bit longer and develop some key friendships and then quickly move own for my own career goals and aspirations? Or stay, and... slowly make my way up the ranks to server and hopefully bar tending so I can develop a social circle of my own @ the roadhouse?

And the 2nd question: Will my approach work, as far as,.. not extending myself too much to my co-workers; staying a little distant, but friendly at the same time. I don't want to be the dude, that thinks he can walk in and lay every girl he meets at work.

Any other advice would be much appreciated. Thank you




phlyr

[Braddock]

In the early phase you are in don't worry about getting laid with the girls at work. Worry about making friends with everyone you can. You need to get a snowball of people rolling down hill for a while. Invite one of them to go out with you and your boys after work. Get to know each person at work one on an individual level and then once they are comfortable with you they will invite you to hang out with them and go to parties they are throwing or go to bars with them. Getting laid will come, but remember the bigger your social circle the more opportunity you will have to get laid. Fucking girls to early in the process can throw road blocks in front of you, keeping you from building a massive social circle.

About work? Do what is best for you long term. If you go to the wine bar then you can start building a social circle there.

Here is how you build a social circle on the most basic level....

"Meet people, introduce people to other people, and meet more new people. Wash, rinse, repeat."

[phlyr]

thanks. This raises two more questions, if you would be so kind in answering...

I know when you approach sets, you always talk to the Alpha male first, befriend him and then you are automatically in the set. The guys will get you in with the girls, or at least that what I've read on a lot of posts on college parties and frats.
But in my case, the girls outnumber the guys. And I know I'm really not in a bad situation, haha.. but, if I get in with the girls, then the guys will follow?
A lot of the guys there are pretty cool dudes, but the idea here is, to be the coolest dude. So I'm going to have to build solid ground with these guys, be good friends with them and then,.. the girls will follow? I just don't know.

And,.. then. last question. I promise.

To develop friendships with the SHBs there, I will have to conversate with them on a non-threating level. They are sent IOI's all the time, so how do I distinguish my friendliness against trying to lay them? I guess just send a lot of IODs,.. right?


Thanks again, for all your help.



phlyr

[silversixone]

You're right to think of your female co-workers as force multipliers. Rather than trying to bang them, you now have 50-60 pivots, a feat that takes most guys years to accomplish. This is the only way to game in the workplace - befriend the women and let them bring you their friends.

You're also right about your value relative to your male co-workers. You're the cool, worldly, more experienced guy that the women want. Usually you have to be 10-15 years older to get that kind of value. Now the smart call is to hold what you've got and build your pivot network.

Take a restaurant owner's promises with a grain of salt - they have zero loyalty to anyone but themselves. You have a job, but busboys are the bottom in the restaurant world, so start your upgrade campaign now. Work hard where you are, but get some feelers out. A winery could be a strong move, especially since you'll learn about wine. Ideally, you'd get serious traction with the current gene pool before you go. Then you can leverage your pivots more effectively, or since you no longer work there, it could be time to start fucking your way through the ranks.

Also, learn as much as you can about the restaurant business wherever you work, especially the dynamics between front-of-the-house staff and back-of-the-house staff. Learn about food, beverages, and the hospitality industry, and for God's sake, learn to cook. You'll be around working chefs who all love food and cooking. It can be like going to culinary school if you do it right.

This is an incredibly valuable skill set on a practical level, but far more important is that once you know the business, you can talk to waiters, maître d's and restaurant owners as an insider rather than just another customer. This is insanely valuable when it's time to build social proof in really nice places.

One evening I was sitting in a high-end oyster bar in downtown Seattle. I was talking with the chef, who was bitching about not being able to find some little tool he needed. He was getting kind of tense, and to take the edge off if the situation, he turned to me jokingly and said, "If you were (whatever that thing was) where would you be?" The only possible answer was with the dishwasher, so that's what I said. He laughed out loud. Every time I went in after that, he greeted me by name and comped me something - a round of drinks, a plate of oysters, whatever - all because I knew something about the restaurant business.


Silver

[silversixone]

Just read your second post. The answer to your first question is be cool to everyone at all times until someone does something to opt out of the gift of your coolness. If you have to target someone, it should be the alpha females. They play a huge role in restaurant dynamics. Just don't get caught up in their bullshit.

The answer to the second question is an extension of that. Don't worry about distinguishing anything - let them do that - and don't go overboard on the IOD's. What you need here is a very gentle touch. It's not about what you do. It's more about what you don't do.

Also, just between us, educated people never "conversate." Sometimes they have conversations. Other times they converse. "Conversate" pegs you as uneducated and try-hard every time it comes out of your mouth.


Silver

[phlyr]

haha. gotcha man. thanks