Help with social life

[Gage]

I always hung out in my group of about 12 friends, and i was for some reason always the one made fun of, it seemed they would always gang up on me cus i was an eassy target to make fun of, i had long hair bright eyes and i used to be fat. Before that i really didnt have any friends accept for a couple people. i dont after the two core people in our group left school the group kinda disbandedwhich made me feel bad because i thought my friends cared about me but the only two i still talk to are the ones that are gone. Ever since then i have met a lot more people but no new friends, i guess i just cant seem to be interesting enough for people to hang around me. I have no sealed friends who will be loyal to me accept for one who ditched me for another group, hes a big afc who thinks hell get girlfriends if he hangs with them. I dont know what to do really. Its not like if i get a girlfriend people will automatically wanna hang out with me. This is really causing my self esteem to fluctuate, one week ill be bright happy and the next ill be trying to hold a smile and walk with my head high. What can i do? i need help. Its really depressing to be typing this cus im thinking about everything in my past, i just dont know what to do, im not a dick to anybody or anything but i guess thats not enough. Do i need leadership skills or something. i dont know how to really carry on a conversation with another guy for more than a minute and just cant make small talk with other guys easily. I need help?

[Paladin]

It sounds like you need to create a life brova. It's intense to write something so honest on here. The first step on a journey is to know your destination. You should write down exaclty waht you want your life to be like. If your friends are toxic, you should make new friends. Find a wing and start sarging. Go to the gym. You're confidence will go through the roof and better friends will come into your life. The first step is to decide to change. Now just start changing for youself, not for anyone else.

[Saint Lawrence]

Originally Posted by Paladin

It sounds like you need to create a life brova. It's intense to write something so honest on here. The first step on a journey is to know your destination. You should write down exaclty waht you want your life to be like. If your friends are toxic, you should make new friends. Find a wing and start sarging. Go to the gym. You're confidence will go through the roof and better friends will come into your life. The first step is to decide to change. Now just start changing for youself, not for anyone else.

I agree, sometimes we meet 'friends' in the most strangest situations, sometimes it is by pure chance....meaning it will happen!

My advice is to take up a hobby - but I think maybe joining a gym would be best, not in terms of making friends (although that can be done) but in making yourself feel better - your mind will be in a better state with all those good hormones running around and at the same time you are improving your body.....worst thing to do is to stay at home, depressed and get out of shape

[Gage]

no good responses really. figures

[TomFoolery]

stop depending on others to feel good about yourself

go out more (not just to drink)

have hobbies and interests, meet people who have similar ones

have a life

stop depending on others to feel good about yourself
stop depending on others to feel good about yourself
stop depending on others to feel good about yourself

[rocko_rocko]

I get the feeling everyone thats trying to learn the game has to clear out their 'old' friends at some stage. I can so relate to what your saying in your post. When you meet new people, they'll most likely respect you and you will have the chance to set new boundaries. I used to hang out with jocks at school by mistake really, but it never benefited me or helped me with girls. I know I can't bare to hang around the people I knew from school now, because I no longer put up with second-class behavior.
I've recently had some trouble with the lack of opportunities in the small town I live in, and have decided to move to a bigger city where I can join clubs, play sport and go out around 3 or 4 times a week to mingle with PUAs and work on my game.

[Braddock]

Start getting genuinely interested in other people. I would run from you if I met you, not because you are lame or don't have social skills, not because your game is good or bad, but because I would assume you wanted to be my friend for what I could offer you and because you needed me. This is not a fair trade Gage. Offer value to other people. There are a million forms of value, but one of the best one's is good emotions. Stop walking around feeling sorry for yourself wondering why you don't have any friends. Go out and get truely interested in people.

People love hearing their own name and they love talking about themselves. Ask people questions, be positive, don't kiss their ass or be intrusive, share and relate if you have something relevant.

DO NOT walk around talking and asking questions with an agenda. I.E. I'm going to ask them a few questions about themselves and then as soon as I see a window I will try to get them to hang out with me. This makes people feel used and uncomfortable. Be genuinely interested in other people regardless of outcome.

Developing friendships when you have very few can take time. But once you get the ball rolling people will be working to be your friend. Do the work up front, and it will get easier as your social circle becomes larger. In my Social Circle Master seminar I call this the "Snow Ball Effect." You can start rolling a tiny snowball down a hill and it will slowly get bigger and bigger. Eventually it will be fucking huge and you can't stop it, now you have an avalanche!

Understand that people who already have a bunch of friends aren't looking to do charity work by adding a guy who brings zero value and only wants to borrow some of theirs. Life is a give and take game. "Life gives to the givers and takes from the takers."

I know you are probably thinking, but I'm so nice! How am I taking? I don't want their value I just want to be thier friend.

Think of it like this, you are offering them a "Win lose" deal. You win because you get to hang out with them and enjoy the fruits of their efforts. They lose, because you don't offer anything positive to them. You think you do, because you exchange friendly formalities when you see them, but are you proactively offering them value? Are you offering them value regardless of outcome? Offering value with an agenda of "I'll do something nice for them, but they better let me hang out," is an agenda! If you will offer people "win/win" situations, regardless of outcome then you will see people wanting to be around you more.

Quit reading game shit for a while.
Go buy and read each of these twice:

Dale Carnegie's book: How to win friends and Influence people

Maxwell Maltz's book: Psycho Cybernetics

Who wants to change their abilities with women and dating FOREVER?

[Cedar]

Originally Posted by Gage

...the group kinda disbanded, which made me feel bad because i thought my friends cared about me...

The majority of the people you spend time with in your life are only there for awhile. Not forever. Life is transient. Get used to it.

You need to start developing a social life.

Hit the gym. Building muscle and taking classes gets you around other people. I've never really made friends at the gym. But I feel good being around people. And I enjoy seeing myself improve in class.

Next is find some sport leagues. Your local park league will have some. Join up as a single. I'm partial to volleyball, kickball and tennis. Prepare to suck for the first year or so. But hang in there. No promises that you'll meet people to hang out with. But you'll definitely make friends.

Find a regular bar in a trendy neighborhood, and hit happy hour with a book. Chat up the bartender and servers when you go. You'll end up meeting a few people. But mostly you're building a routine for yourself.

Keep an eye out for book clubs.

And always upgrade. The friends you make today aren't the friends you'll have in a year. Because we all grow, change and move on.

[Enterpainment]

Iam in the same situation as you but with a completely different outlook on it. My friends for many years have moved on and iam left here working and studying for myself. Iam really excited about all the new people iam going to meet, all the new girls iam going to fuck and all the new stuff iam going to learn in life from them! its like starting all over, I can make up "the new me" before going out and meeting new people. It will be great!! I cant wait! yeah!! Socializing is a muscle you will have to train just like confidence and everything else. I definitely have to keep working, but the fun thing is that Iam getting better all the time, that rocks! I could also be depressed ofcourse, but Iam not going to do that because it leeds me further away from getting some. Think about how you´ll get new friends, make up a plan and execute it!

[Electronic]

Gage, you're clearly in a difficult situation.

For a long time I've been looking for answers on how to interact with people, have fun, interesting conversations. For a long time it felt like nobody had the answers I was looking for.

I found a book called 'the little book of fabulous questions' (or something). It's no magic bullet, but there are lots of good conversation starters. I've used a few of them and they lead down interesting conversational paths.
You also pick up on the general kinds of subjects that make good conversations, which helps you navigate conversations yourself.

It also helps to be alert to branches - spot interesting points you can discuss with people, which lead down a new conversational thread. All this depends on being genuinely interested in people and discussions (but not 'excessively' interested to the point of creeping people out!). This comes naturally as you learn to lead conversations down interesting paths.


Hobbys, clubs, activities are great ways to meet people. I play pool, when I go somewhere new, you find other players who are interested in a game against you, I've joined pool teams - instant social circle (few HBs).


The skills you and I are trying to develop take time, and progress is slow and frustrating at first. Keep at it, and you'll make progress and improve your life.