The point I was originally going to make and forgot:
I heard somewhere a while ago something along the lines of "I don't try to make people like me. I try to make them want me to like them."
I didn't really appreciate it at the time (it seemed hard work to keep track of, like poker - 'what does he think I think he has'). But now I'm starting to understand.
Instead of focussing on what they offer you, it re-orients you to think about what you're offering them. That's a massive improvement in mindset.
So how do you make someone want you to like them?
I can't give you a great answer yet. But some starting points:
- Have high social value, that will reflect on them.
- Treat them in a way that makes them feel good - treat them like they're high value too.
- Have simulating, interesting conversations with them. Interactions that lead them to feel emotions. Many different kinds.
How to do this?
- Your value: Start with good body language and subcommunication.
Be willing to walk away from someone. Be willing to judge them negatively, express disapproval, and try to keep them at arm's length. You don't have to take this to extremes, but expressing disapproval and moving away from someone if they treat you badly is how you punish bad conduct and ensure you're treated well.
- Their value: How to win friends and influence people is excellent for this. Treat people as important, high status (equal or similar to yours). Use their names when you talk to them.
- Stimulating interactions - I discussed this a little above. To be able to consistently do this would improve the quality of my relationships and interactions vastly, life would be more interesting and enjoyable.
I think practice with people is very important in the path to improving. Try to talk to lots of people!
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