Attention

[The_Law]

While i am in a social setting, and i am talking, i often have the problem arise of the person/people im talking to getting a sudden case of A.D.D...Its really weird. I'll be like half way through talking about eye accessing cues for example, and some1 will say somthing completely unrelated - like when there is a lul in conversation and you start a new thread out of nothing - that will happen while im half way talking about somthing...every1 suddenly jumps onto that thread

or i'll be talking and the person im talking to will suddenly talk to someone else...

Now im not a complete social retard or anything, i can talk with people, but its like people cant seem to pay attention to me.

I just dont know what i can change about my communication to stop or counter this.

I try when ppl interupt - 'nono, its okay, u jumo in there. That was the end of my story anyway, which im sure u clearly picked up on' very sarcasticly and carry on what i was saying, or 'Yo A.D.D girl, leave the new shiny thing alone, its not time yet' which both work to a degree, but it still leaves me in the position where i have to fight for their attention which lowers my value...

How do i prevent this situation from occuring in the first place. I dont want people not paying attention. Is there anything i can do, or do i just have to deal with it?

When im suddenly ignored, starting up a new convo with sum1 new isnt somthing ive tried yet, i can try that...

Have any of you had this prob and delt with/solved it? Maybe just negging the interuptor is all i can do...can you group neg...dont see why not, 'have you all been smoking crack, is that why you think it okay to blatently ignore some1 while they're speaking' - that could work huh.

AnyAnyAny thoughts are welcome and appreciated!!

[zipgun]

There's such a vast array of factors that could be causing this, we really don't have enough evidence from your post to determine what the problem is (/are). You need to ask someone else who views the interactions what the problem is; it's likely some combination of vocal tonality, speech volume, timing, body language, and perhaps content and it's probably something you're not aware of. Ask a friend you trust to observe and tell you, later, what they think the problem is.

Barring that, you can experiment with a few things and see whether they improve the situation:

- Speak louder. But not pleading-loud or angry-loud. Stay calm and avoid any sound of desperation

- Speak slowly.. calmly.. with.. a bit of a pause.. between.. some words.. and phrases... with longer pauses to add.. dramatic.. tension.. just. before.. a hook. Often, when someone loses confidence in his skills or senses he's losing the audience, he will start speaking faster to try to squeeze in the rest of that story before the audience shuts off. That's the last thing you want to do. You're the high-value guy who's accustomed to people hanging on his every word, and that guy's placid, he takes his time.

- If you sense the audience isn't into the story, esp. if it's a long story, be willing to jettison it. Cut yourself off with an exclamation ("hey... you know what's a complete trip?" or something) that kicks off another story/routine.

- Vary your tone of voice.

- Lean back

- Focus on the feelings, not the facts

- Tell the story from first-person perspective (I saw/did X and god I felt so Y) which is more engaging and involved and subjective, rather than third-person (X happened in Y place at Z time) which is more distant and boring. You want to convey more Oprah, less Spock.

- Maybe your stories are too long? Write a few stories/routines down, tighten them up to make them more concise, read it over and cut out any facts that aren't necessary, make sure emotions are described (and thus invoked).

- Involve the listener w/ occasional questions that they respond actively to, but still give you the chance to take back the floor quickly. "Have you ever pressed the lever on a bathroom soap dispenser and it's empty?" [wait for them to respond.. probably "oh yeah i hate that" etc] then cut back in with "yeah it becomes a hand DEsanitizer because 12 other people with dirty hands have been touching it." then continue with whatever other story. (OK hand desanitizer is not the best subject to bring up but you get the point)

Remember, you dont want to appear shaken or upset by anything she does. If she interrupts you, you can neg her but I wouldn't do that if you feel yourself getting really emotionally upset because you're going to come across then as lower value, whiny/needy etc. in your negging. It's probably best instead to just roll off, withdraw the reward of your attention for a bit and talk to someone else.

Good luck, let me know whether any of that helps.

[The_Law]

Thanks for taking time to reply.

Slowing down is definately one you have brought into my awareness, thanks. Not getting emotional is one you have just re-inforced in me too. Thanks man.

I'll do a neg, roal off combo. I'll post results soon. If ur interested, see what ur help accomplished.

I like the de-sanitizer too, may come in handy if i'm ever real blank!

[RogueDriver]

To follow up on what zipgun said about withdrawing attention, a friend of mine is a natural and I've seen him do this: when she (or he - we're talking about anyone) looks away, he looks at someone else with a "I can't believe him/her" look, laughs and shakes his head. Whoever he looks at will laugh with him and occasionally neg him/her for you (like "oh my God, how rude was that?"). Then he'll look at him/her, shake his head and laugh before talking to someone else. I've seen girls literally beg him to finish his story after they've apologised profusely. Funnily enough, I've never actually seen him continue telling that story. I'm thinking aloud here but he'll usually start talking to the person he engaged with the funny look. Eventually he'll laugh at the rude person and tell them that they had their chance to hear the story but the time has passed and then he'll change the subject. He f-closes a lot so I suppose he tells them then

It's a little tough to do since you need to react immediately without emotion which means you can't let your instinct jump in (by negging her directly) but with some practice it's the best method I've tried.

[GT0909]

My game overall is lacking, but my story telling is superb and I can tell you that the advice in this thread is nothing short of excellent. One of my roommates asked me how I have so many hilarious stories even though I'm kind of antisocial and I tried to explain to him that the story itself isn't as important as how it is told.

We went out to eat with a few girls later that week (a couple of whom neither of us had met) and he seemed to be acting as a wing for me but I shifted the focus onto a story from his last spring break where he was wrongfully arrested.

Long story short, one of his friends had used his car in a robbery. He went to Wendy's and the police surrounded his car at gunpoint and he got arrested until the other kid fessed up.

The story started off kind of boring but when he got to the part where they told him to step out of the car he didn't mention that it was at gunpoint. I threw it in there with emphasis and I think he took the hint. For the rest of the story he seemed to speak more confidently with detail and emphasis. The girls loved it.

Some of these are mentioned above, but I can't emphasize them enough:

-Speak loudly. You don't need to shout at them but don't be afraid to disturb people around you.
-Speak with EMPHASIS. Even if the story wasn't that crazy you need something to keep up the excitement throughout the story. If there is something in the story that was RIDICULOUS then say EMPHASIZE it.
-Refine your story. Include the important details that allows the listener to relate to the story, but try to cut out everything that is unnecessary. If there is an inside joke, explain it. If the neighbor was watering flowers and it has nothing to do with the story then don't include it.
-Use hand gestures. Don't be obnoxious about it, but it will help to keep their attention if you are more lifelike.
-Involve the listeners if possible.
-Speak slowly. If you are only including the necessary details and you speak too fast they may miss something that is important for understanding it. Take your time.

I hope these help. Good luck!