Vibe of Familiarity

[Sy]

Getting contact details is a mechanism, not a goal.

One of the key concepts of both being social and being successful with the opposite gender (essentially the same thing), is the idea that you are in the area and have a busy life. This doesn't mean that you are too busy it just means you have options. When I started out I was indoctrinated into the whole dating idea, that you dated, wined and dined a girl and tried to win her affections with all these gestures directly for her. Years later that was still there in me, except I was calling them "day 2s" and all these other strange terms. Dating almost never works in the traditional sense, especially with the younger generations. Most relationships grow from friendships that became sexual. (Or sensuality that builds a friendship )

What does this mean for us?

Often getting the number or "closing" and seeing that as the end, or result of a transaction is the worst way to think of meeting someone you want to get to know. Make sure you talk after getting any details for at least 5 minutes. The number or other details are an inconsequential detail of the relationship you are building. It’s a mechanism, not a goal. The key concept to grasp is that you are living your life in that area and you invite the person you like to be a part of that briefly.

Especially if you are from the area and you know a girl, rather than get her number, try something riskier this week. (This works double for the Uni student crowd, but works for anywhere you frequent)... Get the girl to take a risk and meet you somewhere. Mention "I will be at x on Friday night, there is a really cool band/dj playing, I might bump into you then". It may not be the "end result", but it certainly demonstrates you are in the area and not outcome dependant. You will notice girls do it quite often.

It allows you to bump into the person another time and get to know her better. When you see her try acting like it’s the 1000th time you've met "Here again? I think we should have our own VIP area, we own this place". You instantly have rapport because you have met a friend somewhere; the frame is a lot easier than arranging to meet someone you just met, which carries a whole lot of weirdness with it. Also, after this point getting contact details is much MUCH easier because you have the vibe of familiarity.

I'm not suggesting to use this all the time, nor even most of the time. I’m saying use it as a tool in your arsenal. As a concept and an idea, being familiar is essential. Familiarity breeds contempt, contempt breeds familiarity. Acting like you've known somebody years, makes them feel like they've known you for years and builds trust. So when you invite them back to your apartment the week later for an "afterparty" they are likely to say yes, and by which point getting a phone number is a mechanism, not a goal.

Afterparties rock