Allowing her to express herself while remaining DOMINANT

[Sarge in Charge]

Been with the ol' lady for just over a year now.

Sex has been and still is pretty good. I mean she comes 98% of the time and most of those comes are squirts.

Lately, she has been becoming more vocal about telling me what she wants while we're going at it - "suck my nipples now, lick my clit, slowly, slowly, ok harder..."

Also she has been suggesting a couple of new things she wants to try - toys etc...

Now on one hand I'm pleased about the lowering of her inhibitions and I'm glad she feels comfortable enough to communicate these things.

But on the other hand, I don't want this recent trend to start a new frame in which SHE is the one leading in the bedroom.

I know I gotta up MY game a bit and whip out a couple of my own big guns (no pun intended) but when she starts telling me what to do to her a little too much (sometimes it feels like she is rattling off orders) or suggesting too many new things at once how can I reframe it so that I remain dominant?

Like I say, I'm cool with her expressing herself this way but I never want it to seem like I'm losing my dominant position between the sheets.

[FemmeFatale]

stop over analysing every little thing! Shes simply telling you what she likes, i dont think its an expression of dominance.. as long as you are getting sex when you want it and not being turned down ever, I think you're doing pretty good.. when she starts controlling you with sex, then you've got an issue.

[endo]

I see trying new things as a good things. Women love variety. Despite that in my last relationship, I could get her to cum multiple times in one session, it was through "tried and true" methods and this did not provide her with the psychological stimulation she needed. Hence, the sex eventually got monotonous and less frequent.

With the girl I'm with currently, she tends to give hints to the type of sex she needs at the time if that's what she's after. Regarding her instructions, think about what she needs on a psychological level, if it fits dominant sex, give her some dominant sex, if it's a bit of variety, give her some variety.

If you're that worried, make some suggestions of your own instead of just using your old "tried and true" stuff. Alot of guys have things out there that they haven't tried and have always fantasised about, myself included. Push your sex to a new level of being open with each other.

[Sarge in Charge]

as long as you are getting sex when you want it and not being turned down ever, I think you're doing pretty good..

Frequency is not an issue. Neither is her turning me down.

when she starts controlling you with sex, then you've got an issue

Wouldn't let that happen. Not an issue either.

Shes simply telling you what she likes, i dont think its an expression of dominance..

Agreed. It probably isn't. Well not yet anyway. Like I said, I'm happy she is expressing herself. My concern however is that should the trend continue, it MAY establish a new precedent.

I mean if you had to give your BF paint-by-number instructions every time he fucked you, who do you think would be framed in the dominant role?

If you're that worried, make some suggestions of your own instead of just using your old "tried and true" stuff. Alot of guys have things out there that they haven't tried and have always fantasised about, myself included. Push your sex to a new level of being open with each other.

Agreed. Thats what I had in mind when I spoke of "upping my game".

Despite that in my last relationship, I could get her to cum multiple times in one session, it was through "tried and true" methods and this did not provide her with the psychological stimulation she needed.

Regarding her instructions, think about what she needs on a psychological level, if it fits dominant sex, give her some dominant sex, if it's a bit of variety, give her some variety.

Bingo! Thats what I'm trying to keep control of - fulfilling her psychological needs. And I know she needs me to be dominant.

I just want to know how to respond to her instructions and suggestions. Like "do this, ooooh it feels so good..." is great but the step-by-step order thing is - not so great. An issue of frame control perhaps?