Herpes, Sex and the Emotional Progression Model

[Rhenium]

I'm hoping to find some insight into how others on the site (who have herpes), deal with the subject of herpes when you are pursuing a woman through the progression model.

I don't want to have a medical herpes discussion here, there is plenty of information out there on medically related sites, your physician, etc. Suffice it to say, if you have experience and have been around awhile , there's about a1 in 4 chance you have herpes. (here's a link if you question this - http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/full/285/24/3100)

So the responsible thing is to have this discussion before you F close or even get a BJ. Obviously, this is going to be a major resistance point through closing. One extreme is to open direct: "Hi, I'm Rhenium - do you have Herpes too?" The other extreme is to say nothing, always use a condom, stay on Valtrex, say nothing and hope for the best - and the worst extreme. Don't ever have sex again.

I'm interested in others thoughts on where to fit this into your sarging style, and how that's affected the way you play in this game. If you're uncomfortable answering on the forum, PM me. Thanks for serious replies.

[ant80]

I could be wrong on this, but I believe it is illegal to not say anything if you have something and don't disclose it to the other party. I know this is true for HIV, but I think it is true for all STD's as well. On top of that, it is unethical to not disclose it. I know that I would be pissed if I had sex with someone who knew that they had a STD and didn't disclose it. It will also affect their quality of life. IMO not disclosing it is not an option, and it is very selfish to do, especially if it is something that the other person will have to live with for the rest of their lives.

Someone that has herpes will have to prepare to deal with people that don't want to have anything to do with them for that reason. I would think that there needs to be a LOT of attraction and comfort for f-close to happen. Once you disclose it, game on!!!

[Mr Jack]

yeah i agree, dude u shud rly tell them if u got something downthere, or go get it sorted!

[Rhenium]

Thanks ant80 and Mr. Jack for your replies - absolutely my own approach is you have to tell/discuss prior to insertion!

Unfortunately, that's not the reality that exists out there in the dating world (word of warning to all!). If everyone were upfront about it, then this wouldn't be as prevalent as it is. (I have an interesting story about one woman there - for another time)

If 1 in 4/5 have this, and there are dozens (hundreds?) on this board that are likely having more sex than the general population, certainly there are many guys here in the same situation.

I suppose I should be more clear in what I am asking here, and hope that there are others willing to share their thoughts/approach (heck post under a different user name if you're reluctant to discuss it openly?).

Here's the approach I take, though I'm hoping to learn from others if there are other more successful ways to go about this:

I've met a number of women through internet dating sites that are H focused (www.mpwh.net is a good one), and for those, there's really no difference in gaming them from any other women. The H topic is never needs discussion as you're both aware of each others status. There's general respect that you are upfront about your situation and not being irresponsible with it.

Unfortunately, the selection can be slim on these sites due to the stigma and reluctance to be post a profile and a pic and be open about this topic. So I've not limited myself to gaming only in those environments.

It's the pursuit of the non-H (or 'unknown' H because there is the change they are also H) where this discussion gets more difficult and needs to be part of the progression strategy.

My approach is to proceed as normal all the way through comfort and rapport, through kissing, heavy makeout, etc., up to any point that would take it to the point that the discussion needs to happen. Then I pull back.

I think this does a couple of things for me. First, the whole H thing is a non factor in my game at this point (other than in the back of my mind I know I won't be F closing right away), Second, I don't seem as needy for the ONS, pulling back can build some tension and eagerness on their part. From a non game perspective it also allows me time to consider whether this is someone that I really want to pursue further, and risk putting this information about me in their hands. For the record, every time I've determined that I want to move ahead to the next level, she's been open to listening and eventually we dated and had a sexual relationship -Including current gf for last 3 months. Of course, that involves taking precautions possible not to pass this on to them.

So my approach is successful, I just think I may be missing out on some better approaches to dealing with this. I find that I tend to stick with a girl longer than I might if this weren't a factor before I decided it's best move on.

I've heard of people being extremely open about their H status, but don't know them personally well enough to see how that really affects their ability to pull women. Heck perhaps it helps?! Those 25% of women out there with this know that it's not a discussion they'll need to bring up?

Hope that helps clarify my question - and looking forward to hearing some experienced feedback.