I have been horrified by the number of field reports I have read which happen to mention that “I busted up in her sweet pussy”. I have been deeply concerned by the numerous posts in the sex forum demonstrating a very poor understanding of contraceptive measures or the oh-so-common and oh-so-dangerous “it won’t happen to me” attitude.
So I decided to make a post about The Importance of Contraception. I know this may have fit well in the ‘sex’ forum, but I wanted to put it in a high-traffic area because it’s a really important topic and I want as many guys as possible to read this. (Note: before we start – I am not a sexual health worker and my advice will never replace the personalised advice of your doctor.)
Why are you so concerned, Sam?
Someone very close to me experienced more than a pregnancy scare. He believed that his then-girlfriend was on birth control pills. After having sex, she admitted that she wasn’t, so he got the $60 out of his wallet, gave it to her, and they agreed she would take emergency contraceptive.
She took the money but she didn’t take the pills. She fell pregnant and she wanted to keep the baby, so he “did the right thing”, took responsibility, and started planning his life to include this woman and this child. He was young and not ready for a child, but would never have knocked her up and left her. He was in fact shopping for a house when, at five months, she miscarried.
But it won’t happen to me!
Oh really? What makes you so certain of that?
This friend isn’t the only person I know who has had this sort of thing happen to him. A female friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of 18 months, slept with two random guys in spite, then got back together with her boyfriend. He is now raising a son he knows isn’t his because he, too, wants to “do the right thing”.
What if it DID happen?
Would you be able to “do the right thing” as these two guys I know did?
I’m serious. Take a minute, sit back from the computer screen, close your eyes and think about the last person you slept with.
What would you do if she arrived on your doorstep today telling you she’s pregnant?? You don’t have to tell anyone your answer. This is solely to get you thinking about the realities of taking such a pointless risk.
Why would anyone take the risk when it’s so easy to take precautions?
There is absolutely NO excuse for not carrying condoms. You should have two in your wallet and at least two in your bedside drawer AT ALL TIMES.
I’ve racked my brain and I can’t find one single reason good enough to explain why you’re not carrying condoms. They’re cheap. Buying them is nowhere near as embarrassing as some teenagers worry that it will be. Most doctors or sexual health clinics will give you a large pack for free if you tell them you’re sexually active and in need of condoms.
Plus, there’s such a great variety of condoms out there now. Long gone are the desensitising rubbers of yesteryear. These days, condoms can be another novelty, almost another form of sex toy. You’ve got glow in the dark condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms, funny shaped condoms, condoms with vibrating rings attached to the base… and that’s just for starters. Or, if you’re not fussed on one with all the bells and whistles, you can just go for the ultra-thin condoms.
But Sam, they make sex less pleasurable!
Boo hoo. I bet listening to your child having a late-night tantrum or you having an STI would make sex FAR less pleasurable.
How effective are condoms?
Used properly, condoms are about 99.9% effective in preventing unwanted pregnancy. Furthermore, they are the only contraceptive which prevents STIs (sexual transmitted infections), too.
The only way to be 100% safe is to not have sex. As we all know, that option is no fun. So use a condom.
And don’t ever rely on the girl to bring the condoms. Many girls have been taught that “only sluts carry condoms”. Total bullshit, but a potent message which does result in many girls feeling too ashamed to carry condoms for themselves.
What about the oral contraceptive pill?
I, personally, am on the oral contraceptive pill.
There are three big issues involved in being with a girl taking the oral contraceptive pill:
1. It is HER decision to take it.
The Pill affects our body in more ways than pregnancy-prevention. While most of its effects are positive (clearer skin, regular periods), if your girl doesn’t want to take the pill, you have to respect that. Would you take a tablet which changed your male hormones just because your girlfriend asked you to?
When I first started taking the pill, there were about THREE messy months while my doctor and I tried to figure out what dosage was right for my body. I ended up having my period for 18 days straight because she started me on too low a dosage. NOT pleasant.
2. It’s not whether you trust the pill, it’s whether you trust HER.
Taken correctly, the oral contraceptive pill is 98% effective. The big issue isn’t whether you trust the medicine company which made the specific pill, it’s whether you trust your girlfriend to take it regularly (at the same time everyday).
I would encourage those of you whose girlfriends
are on the pill to take an actual interest in it. In every box of pills I get, there is a leaflet containing all instructions, including what to do if I miss a pill. Get educated. Most companies will also have detailed instructions on their websites. Not all pills are the same and you don’t want to take chances on something so important.
3. The Pill DOES NOT protect against STIs.
You know that babe you took home who said, “It’s ok, I’m on the pill”? She might have Herpes. Or Chlamydia. She might have no symptoms. She might not even know she carries the virus. Why take the chance? (In Australia,) one in
eight people has herpes. I don’t like those odds, and I sure as hell won’t be taking that chance.
GET TESTED!
Before you decide to start using the pill and stop using condoms, GET TESTED. And ask your partner to get tested, too. The last thing in the world that you want is to pass something onto your lover, or have her pass something on to you.
If she’s never had an STI check before, reassure her. The test doesn’t hurt. It’s a little bit uncomfortable, but not remotely painful.
What about the rhythm method or the withdrawal method?
Plain stupidity, in my opinion. There are so many ways in which this could go wrong. Pre-cum can contain sperm, so even if you do have enough self-control to withdraw in time, she could still fall pregnant. Similarly, women can get pregnant even during their period. It’s less likely, but WHY would you risk it?! Not to mention the risks you’re taking regarding STIs.
There’s just no point. There are so many options available to us today – why would you rely on methods which are proven to have such high failure rates?
What about Depo Provera or other longer-lasting methods of birth control?
Speak to a doctor or family planning clinic about this and respect that the decision is ultimately up to your partner. It’s her body and her decision.
TALK about this with your girlfriend
It’s best to know where you both stand on the issue. Even if all precautions are taken, it’s good to know where she stands in the event that one little sperm finds its way through. Take a mature attitude and let her know where you stand. If you can’t talk about this sort of thing with her, then maybe you shouldn’t be having sex with her in the first place.
If I have gotten through to ONE READER, then this has been worth it. Please don’t disregard what you’ve just read. A child or an STI would completely change your life. Think about that before you tell yourself that it “won’t happen to you”.
-Sam
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If You Are Having Sex, You Must Read This 
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