LMR due to her last BF - The Attraction Forums

captainmo · #1 (**permalink**) 07-24-2008, 05:23 PM

I've been going after this girl for a few (3-4?) weeks now, maybe seeing her 2 times a week. We've slept together twice, once was at a party so it wasn't a realistic sex situation; however, she did tell me she was having 'feminine issues', which I kind of interpreted as a raincheck to get in her pants once thats over. This past tuesday I slept with her again. We were kissing, and I started biting/kissing her neck and nibbling on her hear lobe. I tried taking her shirt off, but she didn't seem to be cooperating. We were laying next to each other, with me sort of leaning over her. I started lifting her shirt up, while I rolled back to get her to lean up so I could get it all the way off. I was a little drunk so the series of events is a little blurry. I'm pretty sure I gave up trying to take it off because she didn't seem to into the idea.

She started talking about how she isn't sure what she wants to do with our relationship, because she had been dating this one guy for three years, up until this past Jan/Feb. I asked if she thinks were going to fast and she said 'no, but I feel like I'm going to slow for you...and I don't want you to think I'm flaking on you because I do like you'. We talked for a little while, but I decided it would be best to not really go for anything else...we kissed some more and cuddled until we fell asleep. Note - I did push/pull while we were kissing, and basically stopped touching while we were talking, especially once she brought up whatever she said about her ex. She was pretty clear that it's just that because they were so close she isn't totally over him yet. She is the one that broke up with him originally, and I'm almost completely certain that she doesn't want to get back with him.

In the morning I had to leave for work so I just gave her a kiss and said goodbye. Later that day I saw her again for maybe 2 hours (cooked dinner together and ate), we kissed a little so it's not as though I've been LJBFed, although I'm worried that may happen soon if I can't figure this puzzle out.

How should I have reacted in this situation? Should I try to talk to her about it again while we're both sober? What if were hooking up again and she pulls this shit a second time?

sdnightfly · #2 (**permalink**) 07-25-2008, 12:33 AM

You're not in a relationship with her, it's only been a few weeks. It's just intense infatuation and attraction.

If she feels that you are worth it, she'll get over the other guy real quick. You shouldn't bail if it's just about sex (because she'll be pissed that's all you want to do when you spend time with her), but you can if they have one-itis over an ex. That's where you start spending less time with her and see if there are better prospects.

Spanish_Prisoner · #3 (**permalink**) 07-28-2008, 02:11 AM

She's set in LTR-Mode with you (it means she'll only give you sex if she is sure you want a more than that). You are trapped. If you want sex with her, you have to start a serious relationship with her.

If you just want sex with her, run! Get another girl.

And man, 3-4 weeks? How many times did you see her? To say it in the words Master Pickup Artist David X: "If by date three you don't see it coming to have sex that night, leave." Tell her that you only give maximum three dates and if by then you two don't do it, you are out of her life. Be ready to lose her. But you can't use this one on her now, since you set her in the LTR-Mode already.

Question is: What do you want from her?

Vapor · #4 (**permalink**) 07-28-2008, 09:08 AM

Stop sleeping over.

captainmo · #5 (**permalink**) 07-28-2008, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spanish_Prisoner

Question is: What do you want from her?

That's a damn good question. I could definitely see myself in a LTR with her in terms of personality, but we go to school about 7 hours apart (both going into junior year and she has grad school after). I'm not completely eliminating the possibility of a relationship, but when we first starting seeing each other that wasn't my goal. We would probably see each other maybe once a month while school is in session, but the main thing is I want to meet new people when I'm at school (was in a relationship virtually all of my first two years). Anyway, I'm gonna put this girl on the back burner for now and try meeting some new people. Hell, the lack of attention to her will probably benefit me anyway.

Vapor - so say I get in a realistic sex situation, but nothing comes of it, just leave?

Spanish_Prisoner · #6 (**permalink**) 07-28-2008, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captainmo

That's a damn good question. I could definitely see myself in a LTR with her in terms of personality, but we go to school about 7 hours apart (both going into junior year and she has grad school after). I'm not completely eliminating the possibility of a relationship, but when we first starting seeing each other that wasn't my goal. We would probably see each other maybe once a month while school is in session, but the main thing is I want to meet new people when I'm at school (was in a relationship virtually all of my first two years). Anyway, I'm gonna put this girl on the back burner for now and try meeting some new people. Hell, the lack of attention to her will probably benefit me anyway.

that's a bummer.
you just said it. meet other people. if she likes you, she'll like you in a few years too and you can start the initial sparkle again when you are an mpua.

Quote:

Vapor - so say I get in a realistic sex situation, but nothing comes of it, just leave?

if you sleep over, you are her bf. and think about it: you don't get sex but she gets comfort (i.e. hugging, cuddling, snuggling, kissing, touching, talking, gazing). it's not a win-win situation.