girl says "i won't have sex, are you okay with that" NEED HELP - The Attraction Forums

camaczikill · #1 (**permalink**) 01-28-2008, 05:58 PM

i encountered this today and am not sure how to approach this

me: You know, normally people just talk about surface stuff like we are now, and i enjoy it. But I find a get a lot more out of talking about who we are on a deep level, what's important to us, what we believe in, how we feel, and why. SO i was wondering what's important to u in a relationship?

her: Being able to have fun together. Missing them when they're gone. Just being happy to sit next to u. Not so much physical though [here is the problem]

me: what have you done physically?

her: not so much...mostly like kissing. I won;t have sex. Other than that i really don't know. Are you okay with that?

me: t's a change from what i'm used to, but i can be okay with that at the moment

her: At the moment? U won't be upset if we don't have sex? Im just not ready for it. I really do like u tho

I'm not sure to respond to this or how to get her to be "ready for it"
Help would be wondeful, i don;t want to have to wait 6 months to get her in bed (not that i don't still want to be with her in bed in 6 months) she's 17 by the way.

Jackiboyy · #2 (**permalink**) 01-28-2008, 07:01 PM

Firstly is it legal where you are to be messing around with a 17yo even tho your 19???
Ey, "never" is a strong word. Ive found from experience that women who say never to sex and actually mean it, either have one of two things:

1. A bad mental issue that could be something that had happened to them in the past or possibly something currently plaguing them. If this is the case, again from experience, run for the hills. Its not your problem until you make it your problem. If you want to dive into her dark past and try and bring both of you out of it alive then, well thats dumb, but if you do it your my hero!

2. She has a strong religious background, belief, lifestyle... in which case just downright run for the hills!

If sex is that important to you then you need to ask her what her reason for not having sex is. If its honestly just a case of shes not ready then go the 6 months with a little bit of wine and dine along the way.
This advice is all given on the assumption that your a nice bloke and im only taking you into consideration. If your not and you consider this to much work and you just want a quick and easy solution and its legal, shes 17, be the alpha, whisper in her ear every chance you get, sweet talk her about the topic as much as you can and if she really likes you eventually you'll get in. BEFORE ANYBODY FLAMES ME, i have never done such a thing myself or would do such a thing.

This is getting a bit long so if its the first few things i mentioned there is no point making your life miserable over a girl not willing to compensate or commit or at least try. But if you like her then you should look at would you feel better having a gf who doesnt go all the way or nothing.

This is all a matter of opinion btw DO NOT take all this to heart, im sure there are other opinions coming.

This could also help>
she says 'i feel like a slut/whore'

camaczikill · #3 (**permalink**) 01-28-2008, 07:59 PM

I'm 18. She's only 6 months younger than me, to the day in fact.

I really hope it's not the first, becuase I have tried to do that too many times in the past and it's only fucked me up.

Thanks, i'm going to try that. I hope it's just that she honestly doesn;t feel ready yet and I want to help her get a point where she can feel ready and comfortable with it to be able to enjoy and surrender to the pleasure completly.

Thanks

Jackiboyy · #4 (**permalink**) 01-28-2008, 08:35 PM

Be gentle, dont just burst out with questions, try not to scare her away from it. Also make sure you read the link. Goodluck

sdnightfly · #5 (**permalink**) 02-07-2008, 12:56 AM

I wouldn't talk about sex with her or ask her about her past until we were ready to do it. It needs to be more subtle.

"What have you done" is not a good question. "what do you like" is better, because you are trying to find out what she likes... and it can be really innocent.

"I wasn't talking about sex, I wanted to know what you liked physically.. I meant like holding hands, being tickled, back scratched, stuff like that. I think kissing is sexy and sensual".

It involves turning a girl on while keeping her clothes on.

At 19 you should be dating like crazy, if one girl wasn't going to give it up I was fine with it because I found someone else to get it from.

I think taking your time with her and this will help you in being a better lover because it's forcing you to take "alternate routes" in turning her on, she'll be open to sex. Sometimes I just wanted to turn a girl on and wanted nothing in return, and that drove her even more nuts because she wanted to give something back. Plus self-control is extremely important.

There's 2 objectives when it comes to sex:
One is for her to be comfortable with you. Very important.
The other is to unleash her inner beast. This happens once she's comfortable and ready to take it to the next level, where it's going into her darker fantasies, because she won't share that with anyone, even husbands don't know their wives that well, and the lover on the side finds out how much of a freak she is.

I'll add my comments to this:
me: You know, normally people just talk about surface stuff like we are now, and i enjoy it. But I find a get a lot more out of talking about who we are on a deep level, what's important to us, what we believe in, how we feel, and why. SO i was wondering what's important to u in a relationship? This is fine if you're about to get into a relationship with her and it's past the casual phase, you're comfortable with her and you are looking to be exclusive. Otherwise don't bring up relationships if you just want to have sex.

her: Being able to have fun together. Missing them when they're gone. Just being happy to sit next to u. Not so much physical though [here is the problem]

me: what have you done physically?I enjoy the times we're together, but what do you mean by physical? I thought we already were (and you hug her)

her: not so much...mostly like kissing. I won;t have sex. Other than that i really don't know. Are you okay with that?

me: t's a change from what i'm used to, but i can be okay with that at the moment I think kissing is way more intimate and could kiss you for hours..

her: At the moment? U won't be upset if we don't have sex? Im just not ready for it. I really do like u tho Why would that upset me? I want you to have a great time, not worry about anything. I promise you, if you decide when the time is right, it's going to be all about you having a great time,and not about me... there's a lot of other things I think you'd enjoy that wouldn't involve that, but that's for me to know... "

I just think it's inexperience and learning about herself, nothing more.

You can't put a timeframe on it..it could be in weeks or years. Typical teenager might go a little over a month. Or she's waiting for prom night.

I think 17 year olds of dating age with some but not a lot of experience go a few weeks to a few months, depending on how they feel committed the guy is.