she says 'i feel like a slut/whore'

[diao]

Okay, I've run my game for a period of time now and we've been dating, she's back at my place after a date and we're in my room.

this girl is totally sexually inexperienced and i'm not exactly a sex god myself. she's also ultra conservative.

so i start kissing and touching her and she just stones there (i find out later that she wasn't being active cos she didn't know what to do). this goes on for awhile but nothing progressed from heavy petting.

anyway, today she texted me saying she wasn't sure if we should be doing that. and said that she felt slutty and like a whore for letting other people touch her intimately.

it isn't traditional Anti Slut Defence cos' she feels guilty about being slutty HERSELF and not being seen as slutty by other people.

what should i do now?

[HenryHotspur]

We live in a pretty repressive society, and that's a lot of conditioning to throw off.

The cure is almost certainly patience. But also exposing her to people who are healthily (and happily) sexually active, so she readjusts her frame when it comes to sex.

When those conservative girls fall off the wagon ... woo, boy.

But probably the best thing to do is to put her in a community where she can meet sexually empowered women. You can't pressure her too much, but you also don't want to back off too much, either: you're trying to awaken her inner sex goddess.

Maybe some folks will say do a push-pull here, but I don't like the idea of manipulating somebody into doing something they'll regret. The idea is, in my opinion, to open her eyes to the wonderful world of sexuality.

Maybe get her a book on sex-positive feminism, and/or a book of erotica written by women? (The "Best Women's Erotica" series is good.)

[Hardwired]

Good advice from HH there.

How old is this girl? I would tell her that this feeling is normal, that these feelings are part of the process of turning from a girl to woman (this puts things as a positive aspect- a challenge). If she is not fully ready to be a woman, and to take control over her pleasure and share it with you, then you respect that.

MAKE SURE THAT YOU MEAN IT! This is a "re-frame" to allow her true sexual self to express itself in a healthy way, not a tactic to "get her". My sense from your inquiry is that you do have that respect (and as a man who has options, you have the patience and understanding required!)

Good luck and keep us up.

[diao]

more background info:
i'm 19, she's 18 and we're more or less each other's first real partners. to be honest, we're actually in an LTR, i just didn't want to say that in my first post because everyone here defines an LTR as a sexual relationship already. we come from a generally conservative asian country where relationships do not always imply sex. hence societal pressures and expectations come into play. for eg. girls have been taught from a young age that they shouldn't let people touch etc. so the wrong mindset about sex and intimacy has been ingrained since childhood. coupled with her natural 'good girl' personality (which is a plus for me generally)...man, tough nut to crack.

updates:
yesterday night i tried to find out more about her mindset and asked her questions like 'do you think intimacy is dirty?' for eg., and she answered no at first but this morning she texted me and said that she's changing her answer to 'yes'.

hotspur:
i like what you've written. however it seems her circle of friends are all her type. i agree with not using push pull. the erotica idea is good though i fear it might be a step too big for now (given that some part of her thinks that the act is disgusting and against her morals). she does read romance novels by nicholas sparks and the like and they do contain little bits of sexually explicit scenes. still, any good erotica authors to reccomend? or any other good books that would help in this sense? cos books seems like a good place to start.

i'm also thinking of showing her articles about women's sexuality. i've seen some around on the web, but i can't recall specifically where.

hardwired:
the challenge frame is a good idea. thanks! btw when you say that tell her this feeling is normal, do you mean her feeling 'slutty' upon being touched? or some other feeling? and yeah, i'm not just interested in getting her, so to speak. if i really wanted just sex i'd save myself all this trouble...

thanks guys for the feedback!

[sdnightfly]

literotica website has been mentioned, just tell her to bypass the other stuff and go to the page where there's stories. There are some fairly graphic stories there, but that might be a little too much for her. Most libraries have trashy romance novel books.

There's nothing wrong with a dirty mind. Conservatism has nothing to do with it, Vice President Dick Cheney's wife Lynne wrote an erotic novel in the early 80s.

[The Big T]

My take....

Since you are both inexperienced you have the perfect opportunity. Use some NLP... Say "I totally understand, You know that you want to be intimate with me but you feel anxious and nervous. I feel that way too but I'm also excited to experience it with you for the first time. You want to experience it with me too right? Understand that we are in a LTR and we are serious about eachother. Why not figure out what everyone is talking about haha"

Say the parts in italics slowly, deeply and clearly (NLP). The power of suggestion is a beautiful thing. During the discussion repeat as often as possible that "she wants to do it" even if you finish with a pause then a "right?".

Don't say the word slutty to her in any of your responses during your discussions though. That word evokes bad imagery and is the main thing you want to get off her mind.

There is always a delayed response with this kind of stuff. For some reason you have to let the suggestions brew in their heads.

Or you could just spank the monkey every night until your wedding night. Up to you.