( know it's long, fuckingreadit! It's good for you)
While being in community…
…..nearly every new guy I ran into, almost every single AFC I have ever known, and a good portion of average-guys fall into “failboat” relationship pattern. It comes in few stages, and needless to say, I WENT through ALL of them. You probably have too; your friends have, and, maybe, even your parents. It’s not only my observation and experiences; those patterns have been documented by many relationship experts as well. Some are not as dramatic as I might have described, it depends on people, their emotional stability and circumstances out of our control. I added few stages to reflect this community, because, we are really no different when it comes to emotions. But we have “secret” tools to deal with them, if we can truly put our egos aside. Sooooooooo the first one is…………..<drum roll>
“Hi, did you see two girls fight outside?!”
Or what I call “a new guy” syndrome. “I JUST READ THE GAME!! YAY!”
He’s excited about the whole pickup stuff; without anything particular in mind, he runs around a club, terrorizing girls with his [uncalibrated] openers. He calls himself “aspiring PUA”, now that he’s armed with new neg-hits *cough*insults*cough*, uncalled-for
kino *cough*grouping*cough* and sometimes cocky-and-funny *cough*arrogant-not-so-funny-
humor*cough*. We all have been there, if you weren’t born natural, and you’re reading this, most likely you were THAT GUY. Hopefully not to that extreme!!! You feel soooo alpha…… but you never bothered to ask yourself:
Are you tricking yourself and all these girls around me?
“Am I really this fun attractive and emotionally stable guy? Am I, a 10? Or am I a 5 lying to myself and everyone? Am I making everyone falsely believe I am a 10? ” And to re-assure yourself, you occasionally get semi-positive feedback: girls actually listen to your stories. Or maybe even a makeout session with a drunken hottie. This convinces you to believe that you’re on the right path. Until one day, you get a number, you follow through, get a “day2” and end up fucking her same night. YOU GOT LAID!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD! Tell the world and call Guinness World Book of Records to document a man with the longest forced celibacy ever to finally get his dick wet. You feel like you played a solid fucking game. A+ game…..but what you failed to realize is that……..
She’s just as insecure as you are.
She feels un-validated, has a most definite history of heartbreaking breakups, followed by lots of crying, self doubting,
Sex and the City nights with the ice cream. Multiple experiences like that lead her to believe that nobody wanted her………until…along came you. So magical, so wonderful, so fun, and so entertaining (God, bless those routines, right?). A guy with so much value and passion (That “Write a DHV Story” post by TrueStory, was the shiznet, wasn’t it?!!?) So now what?
You guys start seeing each other on regular basis.
You’re amazed at the fact that this is going somewhere. Your social conditioning kicks in; you start pondering whether she’s a good “girlfriend” material, and of course, you can never put your fragile ego down, and admit that
She is the first girl that liked you…..
You notice yourself thinking about this girl a little bit more. You see her nearly every day. You just can’t get enough of each other. Everything is going great; and your “PUA” buddies tell you how to game her to the fullest: “Yeah dude, you should TOTALLY ignore her at the party! That’d be SO ALPHA!!!” and “DUDE! you should totally fuck with her head, she needs to know who’s her boss, you OWN that bitch, cuz, you’re PUA, man! Fuck that hoe, bitches are dime-a-dozen!”
So you start playing “The Game” because it’s SO FUCKING EASY! You dangle a carrot (possible relationship with you) in front of her on a string. You make her come pick your drunken ass up, after night of sarging. You call her at 3 am to get a blow job. You’re such a fucking PIMP! And you start thinking. Meanwhile, something different goes through her head:
“I am falling in love with this guy, I need him to validate me! Let’s attach a label to this”
She needs a boyfriend. Her girl friends have one, she doesn’t. That certainly undermines her status of “good girl”. She’s certainly not a “whore” like they think she is. After all these years of unvalidated existence, finally someone she can REALLY CARE FOR. No biggie if she has to drive across town, because, he is drunk. It’s not a big deal, either, he woke her up at 3 am: ”I want to please him. Maybe, if I treat this one right, he’s not going to leave me for some other skank. My caring and availability will negate my psychotic nature, insecurities and the fact that I can drop 30 pounds easily and still not fit in my ‘designer jeans’?” So she pushes…she pushes…she pushes…and eventually you give in and
You two start dating……….
………….and not after long it goes ………
……….from Excitement to content
“Fuck, what was I thinking, I can do sooo much better! Her nagging is pissing me off; she is soo needy, it’s gross. She must not know who the fuck I am, I am a PUA, bitch!” You start noticing that she really is a UG 5. You get cocky and “confident” and start taking her sweetness for granted. You neglect her, and treat her like shit. You’re a fucking PUA, bitch! Don’t mess with my “routine stack!” You are ready to break up with her as soon as you get a new girl” ……Meanwhile……..she is thinking:
“Why am I being ignored?”
She starts playing head games. She feels unvalidated; she starts feeling unwanted by you. She certainly needs that back to survive. Her femininity is at stake here. She sees him going out, she sees him trying to get with other girls. She starts questioning whether he can. And sooner or later she realizes:
He’s not the guy she thought he was.
But it’s next to impossible to admit that, because, thus she would feel tricked. She is NOT EASY at all, so she can’t tell herself that she fell for a “scam” of a “cheesy” pickup artist. She lies to herself saying that he changed. It’s not her fault he was different. She wants the guy she “fell in love with” back, but what she really wants is that illusion of “ALL POWERFUL MAN SHE IS DATING…….that you “sorta” had going for a while.
What happened to that desirable guy? The guy with funny stories, interesting cocky and funny lines where did he go? He didn’t go anywhere, he was never there. And slowly but surely attraction is going away. She starts talking to other guys at work, she gets a lot more attention at bars, and even her girlfriends try to drag her out dancing to a club. And of course this is starting to piss you off:
“Why is she so cold to me?”
She doesn’t come over and blow you at 3 am anymore. She doesn’t want to see you everyday………..what’s happening?????????? “QUICK!!! To the Attraction Forums! There must be an answer to that……….. NO FUCK NO I CANNOT BREAKUP WITH HER……that advice was dumb! Fuck you, miaddict for warning me! .. okey…searching searching….oh fuck this shit! I am just going to post how it is! There it goes:
PLEEEEEEEEZE HELP!!! I need to regain my alphaness!” (BTW, I, myself, have a post like this. It’s buried in archives of shame; feel free to go check it out but you gotta find it)
Same night, while, you’re desperately browsing Attraction Forums, re-reading Mystery Method, while
David DeAngelo is playing in the background….. ..somewhere on other side of the city, in the lounge:
“Hi, My name is el-Other-Guy, what is your name?!”
“It’s Jenny” your girlfriend answers. They get few drinks, then get a little dancing going, next thing she knows she’s at his place, on his couch, watching a movie…. Minutes fly by. The scent of excitement and sexual energy is in the air…while somewhere….in the only lit window in the city a poor aspiring PUA is restless:
“Where is she? She didn’t come over tonight…..I need her, I can’t live without her…”
It’s Friday night, half of Attraction Forum users are out in clubs and bars sarging. You’re alone……… at home…crying…. As the night goes by, you texted her and called her twenty times, but no answer….. ……..you eventually fall asleep next to your phone, waiting for her call.
The Guilt….
……it usually sets in the morning. She wakes up in another man’s arms. She knows what she did, but damn she wanted to. A silent and awkward ride home, goodbyes, and there it goes………………… she can’t hold it to herself…….and you know…….. You mothe-fuckin’ know what happened. There is nothing to hide anymore……. The hell breaks loose:
“Oh who the fuck she thinks she is, I don’t need that whore! I am going to find someone new to replace that cunt. I fucking hate her!”
And you go out with your friends that same night seeking revenge. You want fuck someone hotter than your girlfriend; NO! you absolutely HAVE TO fuck someone hotter than her. And you feel this urge to fuck someone in her ass, and cum on her face….and after call your cheating-cunt-ex-girlfriend and rub it in her face. Your ego wont rest……you are boiling with anger and emotions…….. you …you ……..
You fail!
BUT WHY? ……..WHY?? You go home alone…with tears on your eyes……. Your “PUA” buddies try to cheer you up and tell you it was a good night, because you talked to a hot bartender,….. but they don’t know. They don’t know how you truly feel. You’re so hurt and misunderstood… you poor baby…hang on brb, gotta run out and grab my world smallest violin….
………days go by in restless agony …. You call her…..
Forgiveness….
And it leads back into relationship……….But you never really forgave her. You still hold the grudge, and can never get it out. You always look for arguments………you always bring up her cheating…... Eventually,
You breakup again!
It hurts. You haven’t posted on Attraction Forums in a while. You lost any ambition to go out, you only think about her; Few weeks go by you wonder why you two broke-up, you call her up,….she comes over…. You two have sex………and it’s back into relationship again. But you’re still bitter. You’re not ready to forgive her…..you fight again, then you breakup…………again……….
And this vicious cycle can repeat for months….
I didn’t mean to write a whole book but I can see many of you would be able to relate to parts, if not entire, story.
Sometimes it’s important to catch yourself at each stage and notice what you are doing wrong: Even though stages are not defined in stone, you can notice general direction of a relationship. At each stage in order:
First: you’re excited about PUA stuff, but you really haven’t figured out what you want. Senseless and directionless sarging is like navigating through a pitch black dark room. You bump into random items once in a while, knock your ankle on the dresser, and often, what you bump into is not what you were looking for.
Turn on the light, or have some kind of blueprint of your path. What do you want? A girlfriend? A fuck buddy? Or maybe multiple women? What kind of women you want? Create some goals for yourself.
Second: understand yourself. Don’t just focus on outer game. Focus on why you are not getting women. Are you angry? Depressed? Do you have emotional issues from childhood? Do you feel validated by women? How about your friends? How about success with women validated by your friends??? Thought of that? Do you want to brag to your friends about women? Is your ego big? Why do you REALLY want to achieve goals you set for yourself? (I bet you fuckin’ didn’t, did you? You didn’t set any goals, and you’re probably saying: “Damn you TrueStory, you’re right…hang on….” Well, we’ll wait!, go grab a pen and a paper)…………………………………….
Back?
Third: in process a lot of girls will like you. Some will be “bad apples” on your PUA tree. Pick ones that really taste good and not rotten inside. Some girls cheat because they seek validation. Some girls have daddy issues, and will behave like brats. Many girls are onto the next best thing. Many women are after money, some are after power. Learn women. The more women you date the more clearly you can see, early on, what she’s all about. But never get serious until you ABSOLUTELY know her form inside out. Until you been in every single corner of her body (yes, that brown corner too) and
soul.
Fourth: if you find yourself overly excited in relationship, figure out why? Is it REALLY her or how she makes you feel? You’re man grab a hold of your emotions. Never limit your options and ALWAYS have an exit. Have a fuck buddy you can call if things fall through. No fuck that, DO call your fuck buddy, even if you’re nearly exclusive with your girl. Sex with another woman really detaches you from falling in “love” or being victim of oneitis disease. Put things in perspective, never EVER stop sarging. Always know when to fold.
Fifth: end stale relationship. YES! It goes stale before it goes REALY bad. If you gave it your best and couldn’t spice it up, end it. There is no reason why you should be content. Content breeds boredom, boredom causes fights and drama. Think of stale relationship as spoiled food. It goes poisonous but looks ok on outside, tastes funny, but once you let it sit in right circumstances long enough, it will rot like a dead sewer rat behind the dumpster. And that rotten food will stink like shit….and will stink up any new good food you put in the fridge (often many weeks after you threw it out).
Fourth: get the fuck out when she’s losing attraction for you. It’s hard to see it, but “saving” the spark is beyond your control. Be willing to walk away. That’s only going to make you more attractive to her. Be a man, grab your balls, and walk. Sleep on friends couch if you have to, go to a strip club, or call up an old fuck buddy. If she’s giving you cold shoulder or playing excessive headgames, WALK! A lot of guys get stuck in here, and THANK GOD for our forum members telling them to MOVE ON. Many many many many many posts, I’ve read, ask how to ‘recover’ or ‘gain’ attraction back. You do not.
Fifth: cheater once is cheater twice. NEVER forget. Forgive, but never forget. No need to hold grudge on someone who hurt you. It’s negative energy. Negative energy causes sickness. Sickness causes death. So she cheated on you, so you loved her, well, man up. I was there, I actually cried when I found out. I was devastated but hey, I AM ALIVE! Nothing happened to me. In fact I learned A LOT. Remember:
NOT ALL WOMEN CHEAT!
Sixth: don’t fall back into validation mode. Just because you don’t have a girlfriend, all of a sudden, doesn’t mean you have to get laid immediately. Take time off, relax and understand yourself. Spend some time with neglected friends (oh come on, don’t lie, you know you neglected your best friends while you were with that cunt. I know I have.)
Finally: never go back to her. Do not even have sex with her even for the old time sakes. It hurts. It hurts the best of us; it hurts the strongest players in the game. The feel of a woman who’s been everything to you, and one that hurt you a lot, is a toxic combination of “love” and “hate”. Let these two be and let her be on her own. Not being with her will devastate you. Letting go sometimes is more painful than cheating and betrayal.
Sometimes a girl becomes psychotic and stalks you; there are normal ways to deal with that. However, don’t let her stalking lead you to believe that you need to go back together. Not even out of guilt for her sorry ass. She’s rotten apple, let someone else pick it up. Trust me girls like that rebound REALLY quick, baaaack into another co-dependant relationship.
Oh by the way, not all relationships end up like this. I didn’t write this to discourage you, I wrote this to help you see yourself in one and end it before it’s too late.
I was there too.
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All abroad the Fail-boat: or the tales of “broken hearts”
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