Legitimate issue? Red flags? Or Over thinking the situation?

[Hawk_r]

Okay, here’s the deal guys. I’ve been dating this 25 year old HB 9 for five months. We broke up after two months because I was spoiling/smothering her (chump move on my part). She said it wasn’t going to work…it was weird…etc etc. Walked away and worked my inner game. For two weeks I went on some trips reconnected with old friends. After 6 days she was calling like crazy and texting madly to meet up. I finally agreed to meet after a few days of blowing her off and we got back together again. It’s been great so far.

Last week on our bike ride, she asked me if things were weird…I said no, why? And she dropped it and didn’t want to discuss it any further. I was cool about it.

Lately she’s been acting distant and strange…not excited to see me…parked me a few time when we had plans and when I came home from a 4 day business trip Wednesday, she parked me again to have drinks with her co-workers (work function). I understand she’s been stressed about work, friends and family…and I’ve been a champ the entire time. Even had a pregnancy scare which turned out negative…thank you baby jesus. It’s been awkward the last week…we haven’t had sex for a week. We're usually a 3-5 times a week. Conversations are cordial but lack emotional substance. She’s engaging me with phone calls, emails and text but it’s not fun or exciting like has been in the past.

Thoughts of suspicion…questions of what’s going on…stuff like that are starting to creep into my head.

She says she loves me. Where going on a kick butt vacation next week. She wants me to meet her parents…yadda yadda yadda. She’s meet my mom and sister.

She doesn’t like talking about our relationship to me…says we talk too much about it. I disagree. Sometime I just weigh in with her on how she’s feeling about things. Yes, I’m a romantic. Yes, I’m passionate. But “I’m strong like bull”. Have my sh!t together. Run a company and got it go’n on. I’ve been coolio over the last week and stepped back to give her space. She does seem distance and I’m suspicious…so guys, am I over thinking this or is my case lagit ‘cause my red flag radar is going off?

Want to approach her about what I feel but don’t want to turn her off. Given the stress of the last few weeks, I think she’s hot little potato and could react poorly to my concerns. Thoughts anyone?

[Vapor]

Maybe you should talk to her? "Hey, you seem kind of distant and stressed lately, what's going on?"

[the_sLiDe]

Read TrueStory's post haha it will shine a light on stuff.

[sdnightfly]

I think she sounds reluctant about the relationship becoming more serious. I also think that she likes to keep herself at a little bit of distance with you, mostly because you sound like 2 very different people.

My question, not just to you, but to anyone reading the post is, when you were reconnecting with old friends, did she start texting you like crazy? Was it jealousy because you might find someone else? Part of her is attracted to you, but she has a problem bringing you in any closer? It's an intimacy thing (not sexual in this case).

She brings up the word "weird".."things are weird", etc.

A pregnancy scare will affect sex. If you're not ready, stop taking chances. Use the birth control until you're a lot more sure about where the relationship is going...she could turn out to be a runaway bride for all you know.

Maybe she's right in that you talk about the relationship too much. And again, it might go back to being different people and not being a person who feels comfortable sharing all that much of how they really feel.

Just tell her that if you're going to have a relationship, and do this before the trip, she needs to open up more, and you can cut back on bugging her with questions and concerns about the relationship, but when she holds back it does make you wonder what's going on. She will prob. say "this is who I am"...and could escalate, but you need to push her buttons to open up more, even if it means it's going to end the relationship, because if this is someone you're thinking you're going to marry, she's not going to change and will have to deal with it every day.

The fun and exciting part of a relationship is always in the beginning. What happens next is finding a groove to settle into where you're both content and getting to know each other's quirks, but being able to resolve problems as fast as possible. The one thing I'll say about previous relationships was being able to resolve them or agree to disagree, but never let it go for long.

You're getting to see who she really is. Not that the fun side of her isn't, but the everyday, not putting on a front, crabby person that she usually leaves at home or at work. The toothpaste cap, toilet seat up, etc...

If she asked me if "things were weird", I'd try to get her to talk about it instead of answering. I would've responded, "you know what... now that you bring it up, I've noticed that some things feel kind of strange lately, but I can't say exactly what it is... any ideas?" Twist it around so you can get her to answer her own question.

If she's generalizing "friends, family and work" as reasons she's stressed, you need to get her to open up about it, and it requires very little talking or advice giving...just listening, empathising, repeat a few things back so she knows you're listening (but not every sentence, do it sparingly), and that might help in getting her to open up more to you.

This is someone that sounds insecure, she broke up with you, and sounds like she has the upper hand in the relationship, and might dump you again. I don't think she expects you to break up with her, but it's something I would bring up (if you're not prepared to end it, don't do it) because I can't deal with someone who would be giving me a major headache, which this would do.

I think part of her really likes your attention and affection, but I also think it overwhelms her and it annoys her. But when you're not there, she misses it.

So my question to her would be "what do you consider love, and what is it that you love about me?"

The next question - "when we broke up (don't say "Her"), we never talked about why it ended, and I wanted to ask what it was you were going through at the time". She might resist this one, but because it's "the past", she might tell you. Don't dig into whether there was a guy she was interested in. It could've been a failed date, or just needed a break from you".

Third - "is it hard for you to be open with me, and why?"

I don't know if I'd ask these back to back, or integrate them into the conversation. Have her talk about looking forward to visiting family, and the good stuff, hit her with a question, then back to something a little bit lighter.

You just want to get to why she's emotionally distant with you. She might not be able to explain why. So don't press her hard for answers she might not have.

[masterH]

No No don't ask her about the relationship status like 'am I your bf or what?'

Don't say what you feel about her.

You need to get rid of your emotion and follow the logic.

Do you think waiting for couple weeks is long? yeah I know it's damn long.
but if you mess up here, it will take a lot longer than that.

Act like just before but put priority on your personal life. have fun without her.
wait till she calls you.
bottom line is you need to give her more space

again, if you ask her 'what's wrong??', it will make it worse.

[Hawk_r]

Thanks for the good points here, much appreciated.
We went to dinner Friday and had a talk over a few drinks. Good thing was, I didn’t bring up anything…just acted cool and everything was status quo. We both knew it was moving towards the “weird phase” but I kept it easy breezy. She then opened up and said she loved me and really wants the relationship to work. She mentioned that she wants things to be 50/50 and it felt 70/30 where I was doing more of the nice things than she was and she wanted to do more nice things for me.
Basically, the message was clear. “Baby, you’re doing too much. I want to do some things too.” I have to tell you this very very true! Women have to feel like they are contributing and adding value to the relationship via what women do best. Affection, acts of service, emotions etc.
The challenge is how do you enable them to do this? Yet doing this is a transitional type manor with swinging too far where you seem distant and disengaged?
I’ve stepped back and been brief with her on text and phone calls yet I let her know how much I appreciate her. We had amazing sex Saturday and re-connected in a big way.
I’m on another business trip and she’s been texting me like crazy saying she loves me and can’t wait for our trip.
Any ideas on how to keep her hot for me so when I get home, she wants to come running over???
Things are back on track and I feel a lot better about things. On our trip, I’m going to keep it cool and let her do some nice things for me.
Thanks again!

[Hawk_r]

Where is this post? I've searched for it and cant find it...
Thanks,