Guys please help me get my 2+ year girlfriend back. Please!!!!!!!!!

[OhSoFresh]

Hey everyone-
So this was my first serious girlfriend and were were together for over 2 years about two and a half years. She is the best girl in the world, beautiful and fun and funny and honest. I did and still care more about her than anyone in the world and seriously like love her even more than myself.
The Break Up:
Our break up was long and drawn out and lasted for about 3 months and even after the 3 months we were still hanging out / having sex/ and pretty much were still together without the title. The reason we broke up is because I told her that I just needed space and because we are so young we need to get out there and date other people and make sure we are really the right ones for each other. So when we finally stopped really hanging out / talking = about 3 months ago, I didnt really even begin to date other people. I was content with my ex girlfriend and felt like I could always get her back when I wanted and I was realizing that it wasn't really that I needed to date other people, it was just that I needed space. I really really love this girl and care more about her than anything and I can't believe I took this chance and risked losing her. I am seriously a fucking idiot, but in my 21 year old mind I didn't know what I needed to do. I felt caged and smothered and needed out.
Getting back together:
For the first time in a few months I took her out to dinner about 2 weeks ago. We had a great time and at this dinner I gave her a letter apologizing for the long drawn out break up while I treated her badly and told her that I thing we should start dating again when school starts in October. Looking back, now I think that the only thing she heard is that I still wasn't ready to get back together and I wanted to wait till September.
Well about a week later she stopped responding to my phone calls and text messages and I began to hear from friends that she has been a total alcoholic mess and has been raging drunk multiple times a week. (She is usually a super classy girl) so this got me upset. I really care about her. I also have heard that she has started to go on some dates with some other guys (nothing serious, but nonetheless hearing this is like a dagger in my heart). I have realized in these past weeks how much I love this girl and I just simply can not lose her, or I will feel like my life is over.
This week:
I went up to school this week where she is living for the summer and I asked her out on a date on Monday. I brang her a big boquet of flowers and we went out to dinner and had a very dramatic/awesome night. The first part of the night was dramatic where we both cried over the fact about "how our relationship has gotten to this point," and "what has happened to us." She ackknowledged to me that she has gone out with other guys and its not serious but she is just kinda enjoying being single and seeing what else is out there. This was all in the beginning of the night. We had a good time through dinner and after dinner she came back over to my apartment and a little bit buzzin on wine we had amazing sex (our sex is always great and this time we both climaxed twice). Through the whole night we were saying how much we loved each other etc.. (we have never stopped saying this). She stayed the night and the next morning I took her home. The next night I asked her out again and this time she was hesitant and it took me kinda beggin to get her to come out with me. This time we just went to get ice cream and we had a good time, but I could see it in her eyes she is hesitant. During both dates she told me that she is not really ready to get back into a committed relationship. The second date was last night.
Today this happens:
I wrote her an email asking her to really get out into writing like what is going on in her head (she sometimes has a hard time expressing her feelings in words). I also apologized and told her how sorry I was for the last few months of our relationship and how much I love her etc...
About two hours later a get an email back from her. In her email she goes on to say how much she loves me but she just needs more time to figure out what she needs to do. She says the time apart has really helped her become more independent and she likes being able to stand on her own two feet without me. She also said that she needs this time to decide weather she wants to "be single, date other people, or get back with me." This is two days after a great night and great sex.
Guys my heart is crushed. I really lost it tonight. I love this girl more than the world itself, and I want her back, to myself, as my girlfriend, and I want her back now. How do I get her back? I think really the only way is to just give her time and let her realize that I am the right one for her. But what if this doesn't happen and what if this is not what she decides. I just can't let that happen, I need her in my life, I need this girl to be happy, and I love her soooo fucking much it hurts. I am literally like sick over this and I dont know what to do. Guys if anyone has any kind of experience with this please please please take some time and try to help me out. I love this girl so much and I just can't live without her.
My plan right now is to try and give her like 3 weeks of total freedom and not talk to her and not text her and not call her etc.... And then in 3 weeks send flowers to her apt and ask her out on a date for dinner and go from there. I am so torn up over this I just cant sleep or eat etc.. Ive got it bad. Guys please help me, what kind of tactics would you use? Would you keep pressuring her and just make her see that I am the one for her? Would you give her the space? What would you do? Guys I need help and I need it bad. Thank you all for taking the time to read this and I hope we can establish a thread her that will help me win her back.

[OhSoFresh]

she just texted me at 1:30 AM my time, "Goodnight, I Love You," and I almost lost it. I'm really in a bad place here. I don't even know what I should say back to her? I love her to death!, but why is she doing this to me? Should I go cold turkey or should I say I love her back? Should I say, "if you love me, than come be with me" What should I say to this?

[OhSoFresh]

she just followed that up by saying, "and starting to miss you already." I haven't even responded to her email yet. What do I say back to this? Anything to make her want me back right now? Should I say, "dont put yourself through the pain, I love you too, goodnight" or like " you dont need to miss me when you can have me. i love you goodnight" both sound cheesy. wtf do I do? maybe say " I miss you too"

[Eyecontact]

I think your idea to take a break for 3 weeks is a good one. You need some space to get yourself together. You are in a really bad space... needy, clingy, desperate and if you keep going like this you will push her away. So take a break and get your strength back.

If the relationship is as solid as you described, she will still be there in three weeks...

And really at 21, do you think you are ready for a full on exclusive relationship? Remember, you broke up with her. I know you now regret this, but think back... what were you feeling? Wouldn't you end up feeling the same way if you got back with her?

Think about this in your 3 weeks break.

[TheRogue]

Ohhhh man, where do I start.

Ok, first of all, you gotta get a hold of yourself. You're a complete mess right now, and there is no way you can win her back in your current state. I'm sure she loves you, but the needy desperate state you're in now will only drive her away. BREATHE. Go to a gym and beat the shit out of something if you need to. Let the frustration out and get your head together.

Now that you have your head together, let's sort out some facts.

1.) You broke up with her first.
2.) You didn't enjoy being single, and realized you want her back.
3.) She had to get over you since you initiated the breakup (you didn't give yourself the chance to get over her because you thought she'd be there anytime).
4.) She still loves you.

So, you want her back. This means you have to make her feel that life with you is better than life without you.

Is what you're doing right now going to help you in this goal? HELL NO. You're acting needy, desperate, clingy, etc. At this point, why would she want to be with you? She's not attracted to a clingy whiny guy whose world is falling apart because she's not in it...she's attracted to YOU. So who are you? What is it that made her fall in love with you in the first place?

You gotta remember who it is she fell in love with and BE HIM. No begging, no pleading, no flowers (yeah, they're nice, but they're not gonna help you here). You have to show her that you are fine without her, but choose to have her in your life.

So how do you do that? There may be a couple of ways, but they'll require major self-discipline.

1.) Cut all contact with her now. Go out. Reclaim your life. Find your passions and pursue them. Start talking to other chicks again. The main point is for you to really realize that you will be fine without this girl. This shit isn't gonna work out if you can't live without her. You'll be too needy and you'll drive her away. The only way you two can be happy together is if you choose to have her out of desire and not out of necessity.

2.) If you're not willing to do that, at least tone down the neediness. Don't beg her to go out. Talk to her like she's your friend. Stay calm and unreactive. Be a presense in her life, but don't push for a relationship. If you play it cool enough, she may come to you. Then ease into the relationship and maintain the frame you had when you two fell in love.

In either case, you will need major self-discipline and a firm hold on your inner game, and there is no guarantee that she'll come back. You have to be fine with that outcome. Your current mentality of NEEDING her will never get her back.

I'm sure most people will call this one-itis, and that's what it is. But if you detach yourself from the outcome and regain your emotional control (monumental task, I know), there may be a chance of fixing this.

Good luck,

Rogue

[miaddict]

Not another "help get her back" thread. Go to couple's therapy if you want help with that one. this is for developing your skillset, not one-itis topics.