It went too far :(

next · #1 (**permalink**) 08-11-2008, 09:53 AM

Hi guys,
I have quick question to you. My girlfriend 'propably' fall in love in me but i don't want to be in a relationship now

I'm not ready for this yet. I really, really care about her feelings(for me she is some kind a BEST FRIEND, etc). Is there any 'Techniques' to roll it back step by step? I dont want hurt her!
I'm a little 'dizzy' now

p.s. sorry for my English, im just working on it. Please help.

Psych_ · #2 (**permalink**) 08-13-2008, 01:33 PM

You can't really move back you can only stay the same or move forward in relationships.

It IS possible but basically you'd have to reframe like a mad man and show how what you want for the relationship is what she actually wants. This is basically making your values the girls values but it's an advanced technique and not something I share with everyone since it can be seriously abused.

Either try and reframe the situation into what you want or just take the honesty approach and let her know the deal.

TrueStory · #3 (**permalink**) 08-13-2008, 01:37 PM

End that relationship before it's too late, if you don't want to be in relationship.

"Love" happens. You can't help it. Eventually, girl will fall in love with you. In future, you'll learn to cut girls off before it's too late.

If you stay, you're in for a MESSY breakup.

sampanye · #4 (**permalink**) 08-14-2008, 01:57 AM

TS is right.

If you don't want to be in such an intense relationship, you're far better getting out of it now than hanging around. Her feelings will be much MORE hurt if you let it continue this way all the while knowing you cannot reciprocate her feelings.

The best approach is just to be honest. Tell her that she's a great girl and you hate to hurt her, but you're not ready for this at the moment. Yes, it will hurt her... but it will hurt her far less than stringing her along.

masterH · #5 (**permalink**) 08-14-2008, 02:45 AM

I am curious about what your real intention is.
you don't really want serious relationship with this girl? but want to keep her as 2nd option?
or you just want to take it slowly?

I mean this is really tough comment a guy can hear from a girl too
if she says ' Let's just be friends, no more than that' fine , then you get the idea.

but like you said, if she says 'let's just be friends for NOW, I am not ready' , it will give lots of different meanings.

So you say to her 'I am not ready yet, let's just take it slowly'
and she will ask her friend's opinion. of course everybody will say 'he's not just into you, move on'. If she decides to move on, are you gonna be happy with it?

KnowSleep · #6 (**permalink**) 08-14-2008, 12:01 PM

I'm in a very similar situation. Been seeing this girl for about 2 months. I wouldn't say I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm just not sure if I'm ready for one with her. There are a lot of things about her i really like. But some that I don't like so much. So I'm on the fence.

So, basically right now I'm just letting her know I want to take it slow and don't want anything serious. That I want to take it day by day and not think too far ahead. She has accepted this so far.

My only concern is that I don't think she's cool with me dating other people. I'm not right now. But I do talk to a lot of women. And I like keeping my options open. I kinda joke with her about this and try to give her the hint and she gives me the "u better not!" and the lil friendly punches. I think I might have to have a talk with her soon though, and be like "Look. I want to see other people." But I just don't think I should have to explain myself this early in the relationship. Especially cuz she's not my GF and we never had the we are exclusive talk.