Ex wants to see me..how do i handle it?

[Ckret]

to a lot of you guys who helped me on my last post a few months ago I thought you should know I wised up and took everyone's advice and dumped the broad that week. I was falling down a one-itis path and she wasn't ready for a relationship she said so I had to put some distance there. So thank you all for your wise input. anyways...

She still calls me from time to time just to chat and catch up because we said we'd "remain friends" and maybe down the line it'd work. ha! I haven't seen her in almost 2 months and she called me this past week to say that she misses me a lot (those were her exact words) and she wants to see me and go out to dinner after we talked for about an hour on the phone (i got off the phone first). I was a little skeptical but said yeah it'd be nice to catch up and hang out. Then she started making it sound like a date by some of the things she was saying... Not only that but she texted me late afternoon the next day and said "it was really good to talk to you last night- see you this week"

where my dilemma lies is that I don't mind going out with her and such but I don't want to pay for her. She isn't my girlfriend, we aren't dating, I'm probably not getting any at the end of the night, and not only that but I don't want to be "that guy." When we were dating she told me about a guy who was her friend and how she used him for free meals and drinks, etc but how she felt horrible about it after the fact. -I refuse to be that guy regardless. Am I in the right here guys??? or am I way off?

I don't know if she's planning on me paying or not -I'm assuming she is planning on me paying because I know her financial situation is really tight.... And I know from us talking she probably still isn't ready for a relationship. So how do I go through with hanging out and going out to dinner as friends without making the situation awkward and telling her that I'm not a meal ticket and the checks are going to be separate? Thanks everyone.


C

[silversixone]

So how do I go through with hanging out and going out to dinner as friends without making the situation awkward and telling her that I'm not a meal ticket and the checks are going to be separate?

Why are you worried about "making the situation awkward"? Why shouldn't you expect her to pay her share?

The answer to your question is that you don't hang out with her. You don't spend time with her. And you don't do things "as friends" because she's not your friend. If she was, she wouldn't treat you this way. Basically, this has been a two-month freeze out, with her freezing you. She's already framed this as a date, which gives her the emotional benefits of being in a relationship without costing her anything. And I don't just mean sex - she's emotionally selfish, and that's never a good sign. She's right when she says she's not ready for a relationship.

Here's another way to look at it: She expects you to provide three kinds of value. First, a meal. Second, being seen with you in public. Third, the emotional rush of doing something on an evening when she'd otherwise be bored out of her skull. Where in the equation does she expect to provide any kind of value to you? Or it this just totally lopsided in her favor?

If you've talked several times in the last two months (which isn't very long at all, by the way) then you haven't dumped her. She's playing you. She's just a bit more patient than you are.

You save your honor here by telling her to stop calling you. Quit taking her calls. Ignore her needs like she's ignoring yours. Having any kind of contact with her this soon after a breakup means that you already are "that guy."


Silver

[Sarge in Charge]

Whether you pay for one dinner or not is not as important as how much you are "paying" in total.

What I mean is, whats the bigger picture here? She may not be leeching off you financially at this point but is she taking advantage of your time? Using you as an emotional dumping ground when she feels like it (by keeping you on the phone for an hour)? Or calling you every now and then for a quick "shot" of validation?

She still calls me from time to time just to chat and catch up because we said we'd "remain friends" and maybe down the line it'd work. ha!

Your tone is disbelieving - doesn't sound like much of a "friendship".

You say you don't mind hanging out with her but that from conversation you can also tell she still aint ready for a relationship.

Be honest with yourself as to what kind of relationship you do have with her at this point, as well as to what your motives are. Be wary of being lured back down the path of "maybe down the line it'll work" when you're likely to just be disappointed once again.

[Ckret]

well boys let me fill you in on what happened....

went to dinner things were fun and the whole time we were at dinner she couldn't take her eyes off me. Had dinner and a bottle of wine...I played it cool, asked her hows shes been, caught up, etc.

Towards the end of the dinner she finally spits it out. She confesses to me that she knows she was a bitch this past spring and it was her fault we didn't work and how sorry she was, etc, etc. She told me how much she misses me, misses talking to me on a regular basis, being around me yada yada. I was blown away. I kept it somewhat light but we hashed things out. I DID NOT say to her anything like "awww its okay hunny i understand." no no no. We just talked. She told me her perspective. I filled her in on mine....


Either way we leave the restaraunt - yes i did buy. ugh. and she proceeds to grab my hand and hold it. on top of that we get back to my car and I go to get on the drivers side and she wouldn't let go. when I turned around she pulled her self in and started making out with me. We drive back to her parents house cuz it was closer than hers so she can change and we go out to a bar in which she paid for my drinks and for pool... The whole time we were there she never once picked up her phone to text or call (which was something that pissed me off when she would do this spring). On top of that she would throw herself on me publicly in front of everyone in the bar and would initiate us making out. Not to mention the few times we were in the car she would talk about the different times we had sex. - unfortunately nothing happened though cuz she started to get physcially sick at the end of the night so I had to take her back to her rents house.


right now I am seeing this from both perspectives - either she really does like me and wants to try and make a relationship work or she perhaps just wants to see if I'm still around and interested in her. I played it cool most of the night - as far as the making out thing goes...of course i liked it and was thinking "this really isn't me playing hard to get" but she was pretty agressive about it I'm not going to lie. haha.

I need some advice here fella's - I was not expecting this at all to happen. I'm not getting my expectations or hopes up by any means like last time until she can prove to me over time she really wants something between us. how should I play this other than the simple phrase "hard to get?"

Thanks!

[silversixone]

Glad to hear it worked out for you, but remember that one evening of good behavior doesn't necessarily mean she's changed.

She's put you in the driver's seat. Now you have to make sure you stay there. Just keep the frame that from here on in, everything she does is a test.


Silver