how do i stop bein mr. nice guy without being the a$#hole.

[madgreek]

I have a problem with acting like the asshole at first and can pickup girls rather easily. My girlfriend now is acting like a piece of s#*t lately. We had a great relationship at first. She had some very serious issues happen to her and still does. I have stood by her and tried to help as much as i can. She acts like i have done something wrong and takes it out on me. For instance she hasnt been callin as much or even texting me the adorable stuff she used to. And usually when she does call she is always asking me to do something for her. She was never like this, but is a big taker not a giver anymore. How can i be more assertive towards her without bein to nice? What do i do about the phone/text bs she pulls? How do i stop the bitch attitude and flip this around on her?

[Vapor]

Be willing to dump her ass for behavior that is clearly unacceptable. She has all the power, because she knows she can act this way and there's no consequences.

She had some very serious issues happen to her and still does. I have stood by her and tried to help as much as i can.

You can't. A therapist can, but there's not much her BF can do.

This probably isn't a case of a sudden turnaround in her behavior, this is her showing you who she really is. Anybody can be sweet and lovey-dovey for a few weeks/months, but the true self comes through sooner or later.

[Reaction1]

Originally Posted by Vapor

Be willing to dump her ass for behavior that is clearly unacceptable. She has all the power, because she knows she can act this way and there's no consequences.

You can't. A therapist can, but there's not much her BF can do.

This probably isn't a case of a sudden turnaround in her behavior, this is her showing you who she really is. Anybody can be sweet and lovey-dovey for a few weeks/months, but the true self comes through sooner or later.

I agree.

And it's true. On average people play the nice person roll for 6 months. That means that after those 6 months have passed by they all of a sudden "change" and you start thinking to yourself, "I wish things could go back to the way that they use to be *crycrycry*
But its ok man, most of us have done it. Looked in the mirror and got real mad, started crying, swinging fist at air and getting even more mad the more we cry. lol.


Let her go. The best way to get the person you want is to not be afraid to lose them. It really is, and you have been there for her way too much, I mean you are her BF but theres a line that has to be drawn up. A point where you have to stand up and be willing to walk away from the bullshit. If you treat her like shes too important, she'll treat you like you're not important.
There's only one solution. Let her go. It's not about being a nice guy or being an asshole, it's about facing reality for what it is.


-Reaction.

[FemmeFatale]

Originally Posted by Vapor

Be willing to dump her ass for behavior that is clearly unacceptable. She has all the power, because she knows she can act this way and there's no consequences.

You can't. A therapist can, but there's not much her BF can do.

This probably isn't a case of a sudden turnaround in her behavior, this is her showing you who she really is. Anybody can be sweet and lovey-dovey for a few weeks/months, but the true self comes through sooner or later.

I disagree.
Girls do this sometimes to get attention from guys.. just like guys can pull away and go cold on your ass, so can girls. Its human nature to work for attention and affection, which is what shes trying to make you do. If you care for her, give it a go (this goes against what this forum teaches)..and see where that leads you.. you'll find out one of two things:
a) Shell go loving again to reward you for your good actions (affection, romance etc)
b) She'll continue to be a bitch, in which case you should walk away.

you can always just turn around and leave anyway, if you dont care about finding out why shes being this way..however, i think it would be good for you to know.

[whwssor1005]

To me, you have two choices: (1) you dump her or (2) you attempt to gain back the power in the relationship.

In regards to the texting, it seems like you're complaining to her that she's not texting you the "cute" stuff that she used to. You should by all means NOT complain about that to her. This will just turn her off -- she has to WANT to do it, otherwise it seems like it's an obligation. In this sense, I'd suggest that you 100% avoid sending "cute" text messages to her.

It seems as though she's lost some attraction to you (don't worry, it's happened to all of us). What you need to do is keep BUSY. Do not make her your entire life -- in your head you should feel that she is lucky to be a part of your life.

Tips:

Be VERY cocky/funny.
Abstain from showing her too much affection.
ALWAYS be the one to end kisses
Do not act jealous.


Hope this helps

[sdnightfly]

You're going to find that most women in relationships don't want to take accountability and responsibility. Some take way too much blame, and they're usually submissive and needy.

You want to be consistent in any relationship and you should never trust how things are in the beginning, and need to test them a little bit to see how they are when "money is short" and see if she's going to still hang out with you, or see how she is under stress.

I think because I'm pretty straightforward and honest it can come across as being nice or being rude. The worst thing is that I'm usually right (It's not coming across like a know it all either) and gfs want to always prove me wrong. I just got used to hearing "show me the time when..." so now I've had to make notes of specific examples.

As far as past issues, that has NOTHING to do with what's going on with me and her now. I am very much a believer in working things out, but I don't live in the past, neither should she.

Stuff like this, I just spend less time, say no to her, and deal with it. Jealousy games come up where she'll hit on guys, play the jealousy card a little without actually being jealous.

Show some attention but don't give her control of the relationship.

Never be afraid to walk away no matter what she's holding over your head (that's why it's a bad idea to live with a gf unless you know her REALLY well to be responsible).

[FemmeFatale]

Hey i'll also add one other thing.. there are two types of women.. the women you screw a few times and then dont bother with them.. and the women you like to screw but want to keep them around and get more serious with.. you cant treat the two the same way and you cant expect the same results with the two..you might just be going for the first type and expecting yourself to turn her into the serious type just because she has a nice ass.

[jbthumper]

I know what I have to say is very simple, but I went thru the same thing with my last girlfriend and broke up with her over it.

Basically you have to put the card and put yourself first, none of the this and that or she is going thru this............ or I don't want to be mean.

Just ask yourself
What do you want?
If you don't like how is she treating you, tell her then tell her how you want to be treated. IF you want to try to make it work, ( I hate setting deadlines) give her time to make changes. They may not be big or fast, but steady trying is the key.

I asked myself what I didn't like about my ex and it boiled down to what I didn't like was a personality trait of hers and well I have always said I don't want anyone to change into the person I want them to be, because that is not the true them.

It is a hard road to walk especially if you are unsure of yourself or dislike change, as I did at the time. But then you have to pick working on making myself happy or just kind of winging it and being semi-happy.