what to do now? need urgent help! PLEASE - The Attraction Forums

Diddy1 · #1 (**permalink**) 07-29-2008, 03:31 PM

alright so heres the deal... ive posted a few times dealing with this girl

we started talking around 3 months ago... started dating and hooking up roughly 2 months ago... this girl has been in 3 longterm relationships and hasnt given any indication this relationship isnt going to be an LTR

so after hanging out 9 of the last 10 weekends, but not during the week (recently the whole weekends), i decide to just be forward and ask her in a non-needy way as you guys have said on the boards have said before "so... i feel kind of weird asking this... are we hooking up with other people?" and she basically tells me shes not looking for a relationship right now as she recently moved to DC (about a month ago) and is enjoying being single

now this is honestly a mindfuck, because i know this girls history and part of the reason i brought it up is because i figure thats what shes looking for... i was finally actually not minding getting into a LTR with her at this point

what to do now? i dunno if id feel comfortable continuing to hook up with her knowing that shes hooking up with other guys

ive followed your guys' advice in the past, and it helped to blossom where she and I are now... i dont feel like ive been needy or AFC and have played everything the way it should have been played (including talking to other girls)...

where did i go wrong?

any advice appreciated! even if its just a quick comment! PLEASE!

BigDuke6 · #2 (**permalink**) 07-29-2008, 04:02 PM

You did nothing wrong. So she's not that into you at the moment. Big deal. Make her a FB and date other girls. It's quite possible that once she hears you're hooking up with other women she'll decide she wants only you. Funny how that works.

FemmeFatale · #3 (**permalink**) 07-29-2008, 04:47 PM

Just because you know her history..(which is that her last 3 guys were LTRs), doesnt mean a thing. She could have just had a really bad break up with the last one and doesnt want a LTR at the moment.

So i agree with BigDuke, start seeing other girls and make sure she knows about it.

Diddy1 · #4 (**permalink**) 07-29-2008, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FemmeFatale

Just because you know her history..(which is that her last 3 guys were LTRs), doesnt mean a thing. She could have just had a really bad break up with the last one and doesnt want a LTR at the moment.

So i agree with BigDuke, start seeing other girls and make sure she knows about it.

how do i let her know im dating other girls?

Cubix · #5 (**permalink**) 07-30-2008, 12:23 AM

Leave hairbands and shit from other chix layin around in your room!!

FemmeFatale · #6 (**permalink**) 07-30-2008, 01:21 AM

Just say stuff like "im going to the movies with sara, i'll call you tomorrow".. even if sara isnt real.
She doesnt KNOW who sara is.. so you arent being too obvious...if she cracks it big time and over reacts you can say "First of all.. never assume. It makes you look less intelligent. Sara is my little 8 year old cousin...besides.. werent you the one who said you didnt want to be in a relationship?.." If she doesnt react at all, start actually seeing other girls.
I cant believe i come up with this shit and i cant even take my own advice.

Diddy1 · #7 (**permalink**) 07-30-2008, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FemmeFatale

Just say stuff like "im going to the movies with sara, i'll call you tomorrow".. even if sara isnt real.
She doesnt KNOW who sara is.. so you arent being too obvious...if she cracks it big time and over reacts you can say "First of all.. never assume. It makes you look less intelligent. Sara is my little 8 year old cousin...besides.. werent you the one who said you didnt want to be in a relationship?.." If she doesnt react at all, start actually seeing other girls.
I cant believe i come up with this shit and i cant even take my own advice.

hm alright... i was thinking about putting up an away message on AIM lastnight saying i was drinking and hanging out with (insert female name), but i figure that would just piss her off as she would know i would be doing that on purpose just to get back at her

i thought the best reaction is to have no reaction at all

Vapor · #8 (**permalink**) 07-30-2008, 03:00 PM

Girls will usually not respond well to seeing a lack of discretion about you sleeping with other women.

This girl enjoys being single. Respect that and enjoy the benefits, or run Breakthrough Comfort (need to talk to an instructor on that one if you aren't familiar), or date somebody else.

Diddy1 · #9 (**permalink**) 07-30-2008, 03:16 PM

thanks vapor

should i change anything now that we've had "that conversation" and i want to continue hanging out and hooking up with her as a FB?

i tended to intitiate conversation (75%ish of the time)... should I initiate less at this point or continue like nothing has changed?

shady223 · #10 (**permalink**) 07-30-2008, 06:18 PM

diddy-

if you ready ANY of my posts, we are in the EXACT same situation, except for the fact that the girl i was seeing had some big fights...

take the advice about seeing other girls. it'll take your mind off of the girl you're "with," and SHE WILL GET JEALOUS. I don't know about the hairband thing in the room though, she may take that as you being dirty/player etc. Put up away messages. If you can, let her see you with other girls. Don't be surprised if she does the same to you, so prepare yourself for that. That can sting.

If she has any interest in being with you, she'll come back to you. She'll question the other girls you're "with." Girls are catty by nature, and very protective (if they care).

I think there are 2 quotes that fit you and I both well in our situations...the first is something about "if you love it, let it go. if it comes back, it's yours. if not, it never was."
and something about "girls are like shadows, chase them and they run. turn your back and they follow" something like that. good luck man I feel your pain.