4 months of dating without bf/gf title? - The Attraction Forums

shady223 · #1 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 10:03 AM

For those of you that have been following my posts (and those who haven't)...I've been with an HB9 for about 4 months of dating. We regulary see each other around 3 times/week, and talk/txt daily. We've had our fights, but survived. I've met her family, she has met mine.

About 2 months into the dating, we each said we didn't want to date other people, and we were "exclusive." However, no title of bf/gf was stated. In fact, she has told me that I expect sex too much, as if she was my girlfriend. There is clearly no title to what we have going on. We have both also said that we wouldn't sleep with anyone else.

My question: Why is there no title? I assumed exclusivity was enough to have someone considered your bf/gf. I don't want to AFC and come across as needing a title, but I'm getting tired of spinning my wheels in the dating scene with her. I usually pay for our dates, sometimes she will pay. Just dinners, renting movies, etc. Nothing major. I just don't know if this girl is jerking my chain or not. Anyone with advice?

cagalindo · #2 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 10:28 AM

friends with benefits. . .

shady223 · #3 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 10:37 AM

unfortunately i'd rather be in a relationship with this girl. plus, if we're "exclusive," I can't go after other girls, as she can't go after other guys.

it's just going too slow for me. I feel like I need to talk to her about it, without seeming clingy/needy for a relationship.

BigDuke6 · #4 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shady223

unfortunately i'd rather be in a relationship with this girl. plus, if we're "exclusive," I can't go after other girls, as she can't go after other guys.

it's just going too slow for me. I feel like I need to talk to her about it, without seeming clingy/needy for a relationship.

Don't sabotage what you already have. Enjoy the moment. Love is only here today.

Tehleet · #5 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 12:52 PM

She WILL ask you about it. Don't ask, man. Refrain from asking! She should be wondering the same thing, if she thinks you are going out with other girls. I hope that she doesn't think she is the only one.

BigDuke is right, don't sabotage this! You have a good thing going. Also, unless you want to provide for her, make her pay for dates. Say, "i know this may sound funny, but i feel like i shouldn't pay ALL the time." When girls buy you dinner or buy you flowers, it makes them "invest" in the relationship more. If you are paying for everything, how can she feel that little tingling inside that tells her, "this is a guy who isn't going to put up with my shit, and i LIKE that."

I told my girlfriend, on the first date, i don't pay for girls. She got the hint and the first time i paid for her she considered it "special." It's a deadly move. Note: i didn't pay for her until we became exclusive.

Tehleet · #6 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shady223

unfortunately i'd rather be in a relationship with this girl. plus, if we're "exclusive," I can't go after other girls, as she can't go after other guys.

it's just going too slow for me. I feel like I need to talk to her about it, without seeming clingy/needy for a relationship.

You can't go after other girls? What? She can't go after other guys? Hmm?

Are you worried about her going after other guys? That's what it sounds like. Sounds like you are ready for this girl to come around. You don't want her on the market because she is hot? Think about your motives behind getting into a relationship with her. Are you going to be thinking she is talking/going out with other guys? Seems like you want to tie her down because you think time isn't on your side.

You're not clingy/needy yet, but take into consideration YOU are the one that wants her to stop seeing other people. She isn't the one saying, "i feel funny for asking. What are we?" That's when you say, "Aww! You want to be my girlfriend?!?!?" (give her a big hug and kiss)

Make light of the conversation and she will LOVE you for it.

P.S. She will ask soon.

shady223 · #7 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 03:01 PM

you guys are right...i don't want to ruin a good thing, but I'm frustrated that we haven't gotten the label yet. neither of us are seeing other people, but i really hate the feeling of not moving forward...in fact, she said 2 weeks ago that she wanted to take it slower.

i'm just not comfortable with the idea that we are not "together," because if this isn't going anywhere i want to get out and meet new people.

BigDuke6 · #8 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 07:15 PM

neither of us are seeing other people, but i really hate the feeling of not moving forward...in fact, she said 2 weeks ago that she wanted to take it slower.

She's getting the sense that you're becoming too clingy. Relax. One day at a time. Stay in the moment.

Diddy1 · #9 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shady223

you guys are right...i don't want to ruin a good thing, but I'm frustrated that we haven't gotten the label yet. neither of us are seeing other people, but i really hate the feeling of not moving forward...in fact, she said 2 weeks ago that she wanted to take it slower.

i'm just not comfortable with the idea that we are not "together," because if this isn't going anywhere i want to get out and meet new people.

wow man i almost feel like this thread was written about me... im not quite to your point as we havnt really verbalized anything but weve seen each other basically every week for the last 2 months...

its tough man... i wanna bring it up but not make it sound AFCish... PM me buddy and ill give you my AIM screenname (if you have it)... maybe we can work thru our situations together

GoRedDevils · #10 (**permalink**) 07-22-2008, 09:19 PM

bro i feel u..i was in the same thing for a while its hard to make the transition but it can be done...its frustrating...ive F'ed up..but this girl really cares for me deeply so we still together but the circumstances can really F with my head sometimes...i made clear its an open relationship...i want exclusivity tho she doenst yet..

all im saying is dont do what i did and turn into a pussy.. dont get desperate. dont get clingy. she needs u to be the man. dont f up man. if u wanna PM me and ask more i can help u greatly. u can win this if u feel like u got a good thing...she might really like u...but she might wanna make sure theres no one else similar to u and she checks this by talking to other guys.

if u ever want advice or wanna vent u can holla at me.