Need help with GF... seeking advice..

Slick101 · #1 (**permalink**) 07-20-2008, 08:49 AM

For the past 2 weeks we have been arguing her initiating it...
She lives in NJ I live in NY, its hard for us to see eachother during this time especially because Now I started to work,,,,, and she started going to school during the summer

I start work at 9-5
She starts work from 5-10

We speak to eachother at night.... concluded with argument... her thinking since I cant see her I might cheat on her....

She always hangs up the phone on me when I speak to her... right in the middle of the convo because thers Soemthing I said that she doesnt like.... for the past 3 weeks she has been doing that

Then she calls me back at night time...

THIS IS WHERE I NEED HELP GUYS....THANKS

yesterday after work (8 o clock) she calls me talks to me for a lil very rudly about how I cant see her....Then she hangs up when I try explaining soemthing to her.... (she likes to talk alot and not listen, just likes to be heard)

At night I said w/e I went out to the club with my friends....
She decides to call me after mid-night... calls me over 20 times.... I finally pick up when Im already outside.... I take all my anger out on her about how she doesnt respect me and doesnt listen to me and E.T.C

She starts crying and asks me if I want to break up with her... I say no I just want you to understand... Then I tell her Ill call her back later... after about 2 hours Im still with my friends she calls me I dont pik up... (she calls like 20 times again) leaves me 2 messages which I just delted and didnt listen tooo

I come home.... Called her after 2 hours 20 min she didnt pick up...
I called her like 10 times.... No answer...

Next day in the morning again I called her.... again no answer I left messages and called her like 20 times.... I feel desperate now.... I dont know what to do I have a rushed feeling about this....

What should I do?

Advice appreciated Guys thank you

BigDuke6 · #2 (**permalink**) 07-20-2008, 03:22 PM

Sounds like your lifestyles are incompatible.

Slick101 · #3 (**permalink**) 07-20-2008, 04:29 PM

that doesnt helppp

Tehleet · #4 (**permalink**) 07-20-2008, 05:31 PM

Why did you call her 10 times? Isn't once enough?

You said she hangs up on you when you are speaking. This is behavior that I would NOT tolerate. If my girlfriend hung up on me i wouldn't answer when she called back. I would let her know that if she kept acting like this i am gone.

She doesn't have much respect for you, man. If she did respect you she wouldn't hang up when you wanted to express your side of the equation. I feel that she is trying to control what she has no business controlling. You CAN'T see her because of work. I understand that this is hard on her but she should lighten up some. Of course, she isn't getting the attention she needs.

You have to stop calling her over and over (even if she is doing the same). Nobody here can tell you whether it is wise to break up with her or not (that's your decision). If i were in the situation i would be gone (just my opinion). If she can't understand that i have an obligation (work) then it's not worth it. You have to ask yourself whether you want this to get worse or better.

You could get into an open relationship. You must be the best thing in her life right now or she wouldn't be calling 20 times if you don't answer the phone. I've heard that when a girl starts obsessing about cheating then she has realized how easy it is to cheat (don't have anyone to credit here). But, i would say you have to make a tough decision (to break up, or stay together). I would also say that if you stay together you will see this behavior more and more (because you let it slide).

TheRogue · #5 (**permalink**) 07-20-2008, 06:56 PM

I think this girl sounds LSE and unstable. I agree with those who said that hanging up in the middle of a conversation is unacceptable behavior. I wouldn't tolerate such disrespect if I were you.

Think about the reasons you stay in the relationship. Is it because you're afraid you can't find someone else? Do you genuinely like this girl, and has she only gotten this way after you moved? What keeps you from breaking up with her and finding someone who can be more tolerant of your lifestyle?

If you do intend on staying with her, are you guys moving closer anytime soon? If not, there is no point to an exclusive LDR. It's just not gonna work. Change to open relationship or break up altogether. If you are moving closer at some point, you can take turns visiting each other on the weekends (provided neither of your works then).

Just some ideas,

Rogue

sdnightfly · #6 (**permalink**) 07-21-2008, 01:58 AM

How come you're not getting together over the weekends?

If you're going to the club with your friends, she's assuming you're picking up girls and she's pissed she's not with you. You're having the time of your life, she's hitting the books.

There are better ways to tell her she's talking too much or when she doesn't hear you. You need to find a better way to keep her in line. It's not easy (esp. with Jersey girls... makes me want to watch "Clerks" now) , but if she's that in love with you, she'll cave in. She might try to act hurt or offended, but some things you have to stand your ground on, and put her in check every now and then.

I think it's rude to be hung up on.

It would happen once, and I would tell her to never do that again. If she did it again, there's no way I'm going to talk to her unless she shows up at my place. Which is what happens.... after the 50 voicemails that have the wide range of emotions.

Or just hang up on her mid sentence and cut your conversations short with her. One word texts.

In this case, I would tell her the next time she hangs up on me, it's going to be over, because she's more important than I am and what she says is more important than what I'm saying.

Yelling at a gf is unneccessary. This gets into threats and giving her reasons to call the cops. Domestic disputes are what get 911 calls more than anything else. Very important to fix that. Want to sit in anger management classes, court ordered? Possibly a restraining order? If she pisses you off that much, you really need to think if this girl is worth the aggravation and the inevitable stroke she'll cause.

She's just a gf. You haven't made any long term committment to her that you can't get out of. The relationship has hit a rocky road, and you're having a hard time making it work because you're on different schedules,and because you're having fun when she's not.

Reassure her you're not cheating, get her looking forward to when she's going to see you again, and even though you want to be loyal and faithful, do you feel you really need to?

She might as well be cross country or in another country, it's pretty close to being a long distance relationship, even though you're an hour and a couple of bridges away. I've dated girls over an hour away and called in sick, lost hours of sleep and spent my share in gas and tolls if I was truly into someone and it was worth the trip every now and then. Might have been once mid-week every other week. Phone calls and internet doesn't cut it if you're really into someone.

Don't feel desperate about it. I'd wait to see if she calls, maybe Tue-Wed before you're done with work give her a call and leave a message if you don't get a hold of her, but just make it the one call and keep it short... "I'm just calling to see if you're okay, I'm sorry I yelled at you, but I don't want you hanging up on me anymore and listen to me more. I do miss you, but if you can't do that, I don't think I can be with you the way things are right now".

Warning - if she's thinking you're cheating on her, she's going to start thinking about cheating on you.

BigDuke6 · #7 (**permalink**) 07-21-2008, 02:11 AM

Exactly. Different schedules, long distance, acrimonious interactions - relationships shouldn't be so difficult. You guys aren't really compatible.

FemmeFatale · #8 (**permalink**) 07-21-2008, 03:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Slick101

For the past 2 weeks we have been arguing her initiating it...
She lives in NJ I live in NY, its hard for us to see eachother during this time especially because Now I started to work,,,,, and she started going to school during the summer

I start work at 9-5
She starts work from 5-10

We speak to eachother at night.... concluded with argument... her thinking since I cant see her I might cheat on her....

She always hangs up the phone on me when I speak to her... right in the middle of the convo because thers Soemthing I said that she doesnt like.... for the past 3 weeks she has been doing that

Then she calls me back at night time...
This is when you SHOULDNT be picking up.. after she hangs up on you, you dont speak to her for a while..you make her go nuts and then you tell her that you dont appreciate being hung up on and If she expects to speak to you in the future, shes not to do that again.
THIS IS WHERE I NEED HELP GUYS....THANKS

yesterday after work (8 o clock) she calls me talks to me for a lil very rudly about how I cant see her....Then she hangs up when I try explaining soemthing to her.... (she likes to talk alot and not listen, just likes to be heard)
SAME AS ABOVE.
At night I said w/e I went out to the club with my friends....
She decides to call me after mid-night... calls me over 20 times...This is INSECURITY. I finally pick up when Im already outside.... I take all my anger out on her about how she doesnt respect me and doesnt listen to me and E.T.C

She starts crying and asks me if I want to break up with her... I say no I just want you to understand... Then I tell her Ill call her back later... after about 2 hours Im still with my friends she calls me I dont pik up... (she calls like 20 times again) leaves me 2 messages which I just delted and didnt listen tooo

I come home.... Called her after 2 hours 20 min she didnt pick up...
I called her like 10 times.... No answer...
If she really wanted to talk to you she would have picked up the second call, 10 is you projecting your insecurity.
Next day in the morning again I called her.... again no answer I left messages and called her like 20 times..and some more insecurity...... I feel desperate now.... i can tell I dont know what to do I have a rushed feeling about this....

What should I do?

Advice appreciated Guys thank you

You do nothing. You stop calling.
You're acting insanely insecure about this whole thing..
Wait for her to call you then talk it out like adults.

Slick101 · #9 (**permalink**) 07-21-2008, 04:50 PM

I am afraid that I wont find someone else as amazing as her, beautiful smart, and fully into me... My girl is willing to drive for 2 1/2 hours just to see me ... I dont think ill ever find a girl like that

I dont like her,,, I feel like I love her.... I have amazing memories with her.... which I think makes me stay in this relationship... And she always lived in NJ and I always lived in NYC.... We met in a club and have been together since Sept. (11 months)

My biggest fear is that I wont be able to get over this girl.,,, Its like she is a part of me.... and I feel like shes a drug I need her in my life.... whenever I dont talk to her It makes me depressed.... I dont know if its a normal feeling or not ... its my first relationship and a LTR....

I tried breaking up with her.... but it hurts like shit.... I had to go back to her....

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheRogue

I think this girl sounds LSE and unstable. I agree with those who said that hanging up in the middle of a conversation is unacceptable behavior. I wouldn't tolerate such disrespect if I were you.

Think about the reasons you stay in the relationship. Is it because you're afraid you can't find someone else? Do you genuinely like this girl, and has she only gotten this way after you moved? What keeps you from breaking up with her and finding someone who can be more tolerant of your lifestyle?

If you do intend on staying with her, are you guys moving closer anytime soon? If not, there is no point to an exclusive LDR. It's just not gonna work. Change to open relationship or break up altogether. If you are moving closer at some point, you can take turns visiting each other on the weekends (provided neither of your works then).

Just some ideas,

Rogue

Tehleet · #10 (**permalink**) 07-21-2008, 05:54 PM

You NEED to move on, bro. I understand how it feels to love someone (i love my LTR dearly). I wouldn't WANT to break things off with her because of the times we have had. But, if she disrespected me, like you have explained, i would be GONE.

My girlfriend hung up the phone on me once. I called her back and said, "name, that's the last time you will hang up on me. If you don't respect me then i'm gone."

Can you guess what happened?

She apologized and, to this day, hasn't hung up the phone on me. I admit, at the time, i was being an arrogant prick. She hung up because she didn't want to hear it. I told her i shouldn't of been such a dick, but if she deals with my annoyances like a kid it's over. There are better ways to express that you are upset. Hanging up the phone is NOT one of them.

Your situation seems to be different. There ARE other girls who can make you feel WONDERFUL. Dude, they are everywhere. You say she is unique because she will drive two and a half hours? I know a girl that does this every weekend. She was in my class and EVERY weekend she went two hours to visit her BF.

It's hard to break things off. Plus, you probably won't. But, let me tell you, you will feel like a weight is off your shoulder when you can go out without thinking about some girl two hours away. Once you forget a window of opportunities and possibilities will open into your life. You just have to understand that if you are scared you can't find another girl then you aren't living at your full potential AS A MAN.