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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 07-19-2008, 09:29 AM
GoRedDevils GoRedDevils is offline  - Male
 
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Default About To Be In a Situation I Havent Been Before, Need Help

Ok this is kind of a long story but here goes.

First off theres this one girl Ive been with for more than a year now. Our cultures conservative so she doesnt refer to us a couple, just that we're good friends or w/e. She really likes me and deep down loves me but we're not officially in a relationship because she says shes unsure of her feelings (shes never said I love you to me before but always tells me she cant picture me out of her life). Anyway I do a good job of being non needy and acting like the man but early on in the relationship I got pretty needy (probably a couple months ago I made a change into more of an alpha type after we went a while w/o talking). Physical intimacy, emotional conenction, everything is perfect basically.

Now, shes obviously not cool with me hanging out w other girls but she still doesnt want to be in an exclusive relationship with me, even though we act like boyfriend and girlfriend. Now theres another girl whose showing interest in me, and I think she might be a great girl and Im set to go out with her next week. How is the girl Im with now going to react to this and how should I prepare to go about the situation ? Ive blatantly told her that she cant expect me to not hang out with other girls if we're not official but still I feel like there will be a backlash.

Btw the girl Im with, doesnt have much friends that are girls because she doesnt want to get close with girls outside of her family (which I think is something to be concerned with because she said she doesnt find much in common with them...my girl is a HB9 and KNOWS every guy is after her if that makes a difference btw...). I know she just likes being around guys but she wont admit it obviously so I always have a lot running through my head. Also, if anyone wants to throw in their analysis of what theythink about my relationship, please feel free to do so and if I need to clear anything up to give a better understanding Ill be more than happy to.

Thanks big time fellas
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Old 07-19-2008, 09:50 AM
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young dubs young dubs is offline  - Male
 
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It really all depends on what you want...do you want to date this other girl?

your current girl/friend/whatever... isn't gonna like it obviously, and might not take it the ohhh there's competition because you've been talkin for so long, she'll probably view it as, he's losin interest or doesn't want to be whatever it is you two are.

so again it depends what you want, do you want a relationship with this girl? or do you want to just see other people as well?

in either circumstance it seems that goin out with this other girl solves both of those questions cause if you want a relationship and she doesn't, things aren't going to be beneficial to you.

decide what you want, and do it...
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Old 07-19-2008, 02:18 PM
sdnightfly sdnightfly is offline  - Male
 
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If she doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship with you, whenever you're hanging with another girl and she finds out, just throw it back at her. "You mean a lot to me and I care about you, but I'm respecting your wishes".

If she hangs out with other guys, let her. Let her know it's not cool with you,but because she doesn't want an "exclusive relationship" you're fine with it.

She's controlling the situation. You're putting on a front of not being needy, but because she's calling the shots and being the one to tell you who you can or can't hang with, male or female, she's got the power over you.

You have to risk losing someone in order to know how far they're willing to go to keep you in their life. Relationships are about give and take and compromise, but it can't be one person calling the shots and the other one accepting it, or run the risk of losing them.

No relationship is perfect. If anything, you want an imperfect relationship, you want the arguing, you want the give and take, you want to have some jealousy and you want to have passion as much as you want to enjoy each other's company.

Sometimes I'll go for weeks without seeing a girl I'm interested in because I want her to be like a caged animal being set free when she sees me again. If you go too long she'll lose interest and it's something you have to be careful in gauging her level of patience.

The more she sets the rules in the relationship, the more frustrated you'll get. AFCs doesn't always mean a guy who can't get a girlfriend. Some AFCs get HB 9s and 10s but she's got so much control and can do what the hell she wants, but has a tight leash on him that he can't breathe and has to report to her. Which is fine if her name was MOM!

Alphas are willing to risk relationships when women put them to the test. They will find someone else in due time. It might be in a week, it might be 5 years, but in between then they'll have a good time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoRedDevils View Post
Ok this is kind of a long story but here goes.

First off theres this one girl Ive been with for more than a year now. Our cultures conservative so she doesnt refer to us a couple, just that we're good friends or w/e. She really likes me and deep down loves me but we're not officially in a relationship because she says shes unsure of her feelings (shes never said I love you to me before but always tells me she cant picture me out of her life). Anyway I do a good job of being non needy and acting like the man but early on in the relationship I got pretty needy (probably a couple months ago I made a change into more of an alpha type after we went a while w/o talking). Physical intimacy, emotional conenction, everything is perfect basically.

Now, shes obviously not cool with me hanging out w other girls but she still doesnt want to be in an exclusive relationship with me, even though we act like boyfriend and girlfriend. Now theres another girl whose showing interest in me, and I think she might be a great girl and Im set to go out with her next week. How is the girl Im with now going to react to this and how should I prepare to go about the situation ? Ive blatantly told her that she cant expect me to not hang out with other girls if we're not official but still I feel like there will be a backlash.

Btw the girl Im with, doesnt have much friends that are girls because she doesnt want to get close with girls outside of her family (which I think is something to be concerned with because she said she doesnt find much in common with them...my girl is a HB9 and KNOWS every guy is after her if that makes a difference btw...). I know she just likes being around guys but she wont admit it obviously so I always have a lot running through my head. Also, if anyone wants to throw in their analysis of what theythink about my relationship, please feel free to do so and if I need to clear anything up to give a better understanding Ill be more than happy to.

Thanks big time fellas
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Old 07-20-2008, 05:58 AM
FemmeFatale FemmeFatale is offline  - Female
 
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I think you should see the other girl and as someone above said, throw it in her face..say.. "but me and you arent a couple?.. you dont want to be exclusive, i'm simply respecting your wishes"
If she reacts in a negative way and gets angry at you, you must put your foot down and not give in no matter what..if she starts to argue tell her, to call you when shes calmed down and ready to have a mature discussion about the issue.

You dont need to explain anything to her.. say everything in a calm voice and the less you say the better. She already knows what shes asked and what she demands.. she cant have her cake and eat it too.. if shes a smart girl..she'll come around.

Also correct me if Im wrong but a girl of a very conservative culture wouldnt really be out with lots of guys...and having lots of male "friends".. it seems like she wants to play the good girl card and keep her male "friends" hoping. Also, if shes worried about her family finding out(perhaps they dont approve of her dating), then you can still be exclusive .. but it can be kept a secret.. however rules are applied and you act like you are exclusive.. you just dont tell everyone about it.
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Old 07-22-2008, 08:30 PM
GoRedDevils GoRedDevils is offline  - Male
 
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Default Thanks for replies...now a different question

thanks for the advice fellas.

is it weird tho that me and this girl are getting intimate though (the one ive been with) and shes not pushing for a relationship?
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Old 07-22-2008, 08:40 PM
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young dubs young dubs is offline  - Male
 
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well there are a combination of things...she's probably just comfortable where you guys are at, and you're lettin it stay that way by not actin on what you're feelin (if you want more that is).... so you gotta set the pace, and the tone of the relationship and that if she's not on the same page, time to go.. ya digggg
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Trust yourself, and you'll know how to live
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Old 07-27-2008, 01:39 AM
jiggatycoon jiggatycoon is offline  - Male
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoRedDevils View Post
thanks for the advice fellas.

is it weird tho that me and this girl are getting intimate though (the one ive been with) and shes not pushing for a relationship?
It does seem odd to me if she's too conservative to even have a boyfriend, yet too...is "wondering" the right word?...to be exclusive? Even if she isn't hooking up with other guys, it's odd that she would want the freedom to do so if her main reason for not being an official couple is that she is too conservative for that.
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