How to Date Tens You Meet Online : The Folsom Method

[Folsom]

A lot of guys look down on Internet dating.
I've been doing it for most of this decade.
My methods have evolved to a point where I can date tens that I meet online.

This thread will lay out what works and what doesn't. I'm not here to sell a product - in fact I'm already a successful businessman. My primary motivation for starting this thread is to keep a journal of what works for me, because my method evolves every day. I'm certain that in a year I'll still be building on this foundation.

Before we discuss technique, a little background about me. Like a lot of guys in the community, I didn't approach many women when I was a teenager. By the time I was in my 20s, I found myself in a relationship with the first girl who would date me, and felt like I was headed for marriage. One of my friends was a "natural", and he taught me how to get girls in clubs. A few months later my "beloved" dumped me for a guy at her office, on Valentines Day no less. Most guys would cry, but I took my friends method and found a new girl at a club the same day I was dumped. For the next few years I sharpened my skills, with a handful of LTRs thrown into the mix. Eventually I met a beautiful petite blonde, and we were engaged to be married. I'm an egghead, and she was a bit of an airhead, but every guy on here knows that you're not going to find an intelligent woman who's also a ten in a nightclub.
So I settled.

An opportunity to advance my career came my way, and I took it, but it cost me my fiance. One night, after a long day at the office, one of my coworkers told me about all the success he was having on Yahoo Personals. Piqued by curiosity, I gave it a try. Much to my surprise, he wasn't kidding - getting dates online was like shooting fish in a barrel. But there's something unique about the internet which makes it the perfect playing field for the man who's looking for someone extraordinary. It's taken five years of trial and error for me to develop this, and I'm going to lay it out here for free.

:: to be continued ::

[Folsom]

This is powerful voodoo, so be careful with it.
I'm not joking here - I got reckless with my own methods and had some very very bad stuff happen to me.

Take a look at the title of this thread. It's not "How to ATTRACT Tens You Meet Online." It's "How to Date Tens You Meet Online." This method is different because it's designed for the endgame: a long term relationship with an extraordinary woman. Because the Folsom Method is designed to establish powerful emotional bonds with a woman, use it carefully, unless your idea of fun is breaking a woman's heart.

In a lot of respects, the Folsom Method complements the existing literature for attracting women. If you can't attract a woman, you'll never have an opportunity to create a powerful emotional state later. I wasn't personally exposed to the community until 2006. Once I read the literature, it reinforced a lot of the things I learned in the field, and from "naturals." Mystery Method is powerful stuff, and I highly recommend it. When I first tried it, it was curse in disguise, because I found myself with more girlfriends than I could handle. I've chronicled that in these forums.

That experience inspired me to become exceptionally selective, and ONLY date tens online.

:: to be continued ::

[Folsom]

The first rule of the Folsom Method is:
You'll never date a ten unless you go and find one.

That should be obvious right? Yet how many of us have found ourselves in a long term relationship with a seven for weeks, months or even years? I know I have.

Now you're probably thinking to yourself, "if I wait around for a ten, I'm NEVER going to get laid!"

That's not necessarily true. You can get laid without resorting to one night stands if you follow this method. We'll get to that later though.

:: to be continued ::

[Folsom]

The Second Rule of The Folsom Method is...
Tens Don't Grow on Trees!

Wouldn't it be great if you could walk into any club and find a ten? It always makes me laugh when guys brag about some "ten" that they went out with, and then you meet her, and she's a disaster. C'mon guys, you all know this - a real "ten" is very VERY rare.

So how does the Folsom Method deal with this problem?

First, the obvious. You cast a wide net. If your dating pool is the local nightclub, your chances of dating a ten are almost nil. Face it, there may be a couple of tens that stop by, but your odds are poor. Even worse, it's a timekiller. This is the situation I found myself in ten years ago. I'd meet girls at clubs, and eventually I *did* find a ten, but I wasted hundreds of hours before we met. We wound up engaged, so even back then my methods were sound. Eventually we broke up and she is now dating a guy who's on TV. Yes, she's THAT hot.

How do you "cast a wide net" online? Simple:
Be willing to date women who live far away.
Live in a big city if possible.

The last "ten" that I dated lived 150 miles away from me. As I said, they don't grow on trees.

If your lifestyle can't accomodate such a wide net, the Folsom Method will still work for you, but you may have to lower your standards a bit. In my situation I have a job where I travel a lot, which is a perfect match for a guy who's incredibly selective about who he dates.

Another harsh reality when it comes to dating tens is that you WILL face competition. Seriously, how many tens have YOU met that weren't involved with someone? If you're morally opposed to attracting a girl who has a boyfriend, Folsom Method is not for you. Then again, if she LOVED her boyfriend, what the fcuk is she doing on match.com? We're going to go in depth on how to get a girl who is in a relationship, which is territory I've never seen covered in the community. Of the last three girls I've had relationships with, 2/3rds of them were in a "troubled" relationship, and were looking for Mr Right on a dating site. Why do you think the slogan says "it's OK to look?" Most tens have a boyfriend - get used to it.

The most important way to get a ten is to be *patient.* If you want the one-night-stand with some fatty with bad skin, Folsom Method is too much work. If you want to get a ten, it's going to take some work. We'll get into more of the technique later, but in a sense you will be planting seeds that may bear fruit in a week, or a month, or maybe even ten years.

When I first started internet dating, I didn't go about it the right way. It was so easy, it was almost like an "all you can eat buffet." My friend described it like ordering a pizza. If you wanted a redhead, you can email a redhead. Never dated an asian girl? Well you can do that too. Before long I was consistently banging girls I met online, but the majority of them weren't as cute as the girls I used to meet in niteclubs. But it was SO easy, and the variety was fun. At this point in my game, I came to the same conclusion that most guys do: the girls online just aren't as cute. So I went for variety and had a LOT of fun dates.

Then something happened, which opened up a whole new world of dating, and leads us to the third law.

:: to be continued ::

[Folsom]

The Third Rule of The Folsom Method is:
Patience is a virtue.

I guarantee you that the third rule of The Folsom Method will be the most controversial. What I am recommending is counter to EVERYTHING else taught in the community. All the gurus universally agree that you MUST get the girl to meet you in the real world as soon as possible. The Folsom Method departs from this wisdom - in fact I recommend you AVOID meeting her if possible.

Before you accuse me of being a COMPLETE IDIOT, let me tell you I didn't think this would work either. In fact the third rule was found accidentally.

Let me explain...

In 2004 I thought my internet game was tight. For three weeks, I couldn't go on any dates - I was on vacation. While I was on vacation, I continued to email girls on occasion, but I couldn't meet them.

And something funny happened.

When I came back from vacation, the ONLY girls who were still replying to my emails were the HOT girls.

This was a complete revelation!

Honestly, I have tried EVERYTHING to get hotter girls. I've worked out. I've read self-help books. I've bought expensive clothes. I own a big house. I drive a nice car.

If you take one thing from the Folsom Method, take this:
If you want a ten, you better have the patience of a saint.

When I returned from my vacation, I found that nearly all of girls who weren't that attractive had ceased replying to my emails. They'd probably grabbed the first sucker who agreed to date them, or perhaps they just dated a new guy every week. Who knows? What I did know was that the HOT girls were still in the game. Up until this point I'd found that I'd often scare the hottest girls off by pressuring them to give up the digits, or meet for a date, pronto.

I've put a lot of thought into why patience is so important to dating tens, and it boils down to one thing. Women of high value are exceptionally selective.

Up until this point, many of the girls I was dating online were mediocre. After my accidental discovery, I realized that following the common advice was scaring off the tens. Every time a girl agrees to meet you quickly, she is failing to be selective. If you are disappointed in the caliber of woman you are meeting online, Folsom Method is for you.

Think about this in your own life. How many times have you met a smokin' hot girl who has only slept with three or four guys in her whole life? Yet how many times have you met a homely girl who had slept with every guy in the bar?

This is a generalization, certainly. But you know it's often true. Occasionally you meet a ten who's highly promiscuous, but she's the exception to the rule.

This is the fundamental strength of the Folsom Method. You'll be able to create a bond with that ten, that girl who is very selective.

[Folsom]

The Fourth Rule of The Folsom Method is...
Be Selective.

The fourth rule applies to dating all women, not just tens. And it also has a double meaning. You must be selective about who you date, but you also must EXPRESS how selective you are.

Women find a selective man incredibly attractive.

Let me warn you that being a selective man is going to get people angry with you. You must be willing to get yelled at occasionally. But it *will* pay off for you.

I owe this part of the Folsom Method to David D. Based on one of his interviews, I changed my online profile, and the results were spectacular.

Up until that point, my profile didn't express that a girl had to "qualify" to date me. After listening to David D, I put a couple of paragraphs in the bio expressing what I *was* and *wasn't* looking for. For example, I said that I generally date women who are younger than me, and I won't date a single mom.

At first the reactions were absymal. One girl called me "pathetic", and another girl ripped me a new one in an email. Do you know what the funny part was though? They were both in their 30s. The young girls didn't seem to mind that I was only interested in dating young women. In fact, one girl who was seven years younger than me asked me if she was too old!

So don't be afraid to be selective - you might piss off a few people, but you'll endear yourself to the selective woman.

A lot of guys have good success teasing a woman to create attraction. But they always use toothless insults, like "you look like my little sister." I recommend stepping it up a notch - using real negativity. This WILL backfire, so be prepared to get shut down. But for some reason it works great with tens. It's going to take some practice, and it will blow up in your face occasionally. An essential way to express how selective you are is to tell them straight out how they don't meet your standards.

Whenever I'm talking to the target, I'm constantly looking for cracks in her armor, basically building a stockpile of reasons why she doesn't measure up. Mystery Method lists a lot of negs, but they only work face-to-face. Folsom Method is online, so you have to go about it differently.

If I had to sum it up in one sentence, I would say that you should express that you like attributes that she DOESN'T obviously possess, and you should neg her on oblique things that she DOES.

For instance, months ago I was talking to a girl online who was twelve years younger than me, tall and blonde. She was very full of herself, because young tall blondes are in high demand. Most AFCs will get shut out in the first conversation by saying that they think she's hot, or they like young blondes. Instead, I mentioned offhand that I usually date short brunettes (the opposite of what she is.)

In another instance, I was talking to a woman who worked in an office. She asked me what kind of girl I'm attracted to. The woman I was talking to was a petite brunette from Hungary, very beautiful. Personally, I'm incredibly attracted to girls like that. But if I told her it would be GAME OVER. So I thought to myself, "what is the opposite of a girl who works in an office?"

The opposite of a girl who works in an office is an athlete, because office girls sit on their butt all day. So I told the beautiful girl from Hungary that I'm attracted to sporty athletic types (which isn't true.)

Does this make sense yet? Express to them that you are selective, and do your best to make them believe that they are NOT your cup of tea.

At this point, you're probably thinking that the girl will get sick of this, and she'll never meet you.

It's funny, but this is not the case. I've generally found that hot girls are constantly chased by guys because they are beautiful. You can pay her compliments - but NEVER on her looks. NEVER.

[Folsom]

The Fifth Rule of The Folsom Method is...

Embrace The Friends Zone.

That's right kids, I said it! You will not only wind up in the friends zone, you're going to EMBRACE it.

Sounds stupid doesn't it? We've all been there right, stuck in The Friends Zone. We chased some girl, and she only wanted to be "friends", and we were stuck in the friends zone forever.

Well there's one tried and true way to escape this fate.

You can go into the friends zone, but you absolutely positively MUST keep her guessing as to the nature of your relationship. Your goal is to get the target to the point where she sincerely believes you are NOT attracted to her.

The ONLY reason a woman won't let a guy out of the friends zone is that she's lost all respect for you. When a guy attempts to date a woman, and she puts him in the friend zone, it's because she KNOWS that he couldn't figure out how to close the deal.

In the Folsom Method, you must be willing to go into the Friends Zone, but NEVER let her think you are attracted to her.

At this point you should have a gigantic stockpile of reasons that you WON'T date her. Don't be afraid to remind her.

"she's too young"
"I only date brunettes"
"I'm too busy for a relationship"
"She's too much drama"

In a nutshell, you want to disqualify her, but make an excuse for why you are still talking to her. For instance, I told one girl that I wanted to get some music from her. I told another that I needed her opinion on a decorating issue. Or you can use the old standby, that you're bored at work.

The reason a woman won't let a guy OUT of the friends zone is that she knows that guy couldn't get with her, and he's a FAILURE.

This is tricky business - if you let on that you want to date her, it will spell trouble.

When I talk to a target, I talk about the same things that I would talk about with a girlfriend. Except that I don't include her.

Here's an example of how to AVOID letting the target think you are into her. If she says that she's always wanted to go to Europe, and you respond that you've always wanted to go to, she's going to take that as a hint that you want to go with HER. That would be the proper response if she was single, but a lot of tens AREN'T. So I would reply that I've always wanted to go to Costa Rica. Basically telegraph that we don't have a future.

Once you have patiently talked to a ten for some time, they will be completely comfortable with you. You will be their "friend." At this point, your target no longer believes that you are attracted to her. This is exactly where you want to be.

Nothing makes me prouder than when I am firmly in the friends zone, when I am with a woman who thinks I am TOTALLY unattracted to her. It is a fantastic feeling.

Here are a couple of proud moments:

In 2006 I had been pursuing a ten for a few weeks. By using the Folsom Method, she was convinced that I had no attraction to her. She had been living with a man for THREE YEARS, but she found me on match.com. So despite her boyfriend, she was trolling for guys online. (This is another great thing about being selective - the tens will come to YOU.) We developed a common interest in music. At one point she offered to meet me in another STATE to see a band we both liked. And I'd never even MET the girl! Can you believe that? (Eventually she booted the guy, and we moved in together.)

Another proud moment was last Summer. I was having a drink with the tall blonde I mentioned earlier in the thread. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and checked a few messages on my phone. When I returned, she looked *relieved.* Weeks later she told me that she was certain I'd ditched her at the restaurant, because I was gone so long. A tall thin blonde who was TWELVE years younger than me though I'd *ditched* her. Can you believe that?

[Folsom]

Here's an advanced technique.

It's not an easy one to master, but it plays an important part of rule five.

Rule five says "embrace the friends zone."
The idea is that you disqualify her, but you keep her around for some other purpose (talk about music, bored at work, etc...)

One advanced technique is to flirt openly, and even sexually.

This is tricky, because you have to walk a fine line.
What you want to express to the target is that you are a MAN, and you feel a sexual pull, but you are NOT going to act on it.
Because remember, she doesn't QUALIFY.

If done *correctly*, this can be EXTREMELY powerful.
When a woman KNOWS that you have high standards, and the WILLPOWER not to fcuk everything that walks, it's INCREDIBLY powerful. Particularly to a ten.

Because remember, she WANTS to be special.

The *right* way to do it is to be hot and cold. For instance, you might say something suggestive, but then immediately negate it with something else.

Lay it on too thick and she'll realize you're attracted to her, or that your standards really AREN'T that high.

But if you fail to act like a MAN, she'll quickly look at you as if you're a eunuch.

Here are a couple of real world examples.

Using the Folsom Method, I was able to attract a girl who was literally a rocket scientist. I'm not joking, an honest to God rocket scientist. She was *another* beautiful brunette from Eastern Europe, which seems to be my specialty. I'd used all the tools in my arsenal to convince her that I wasn't interested in her sexually, but it might be fun to grab a drink, since we had so much fun talking. In one of her text messages, she implied that I could stay the night at her house. I *knew* this was a test - she was looking to see if I was just trying to bang her, to see if my response was congruent with my persona. So I replied with something flirty, but made it clear I would *not* be spending the night. It was just going to be drinks. (Of course I knew better, the date went on for hours and we bounced to three different places.)

On another first date, I was 150 miles from home. This date was tricky, because why would a "friend" drive 150 miles to have a drink? I can't remember what excuse I used, but I think I told her that I was going to pick up a book at book store in the city. (This particular book store is one of the largest in the country, and has a ton of rare books.) The big problem with this date was that I *had* to spend the night. It would have sounded ridiculous if I told her I was going to drive 300 miles to buy a book, AND stay in a hotel. So, I asked her when I arrived if I could stay in her spare bedroom. She agreed. (We're just "friends" right?) Ironically, the "spare bedroom" had all her boyfriends stuff in it, which was kind of creepy. (He lived with her.)

We started with drinks, got an appetizer, hung out, etc... At the end of the night we made out a little bit, nothing heavy. At this point I'm laying in her bed. What I did next insured that I got a second date.

I got OUT of her bed. I calmly walked to the second bedroom, telling her that things were moving too fast, and I hadn't planned on doing that, etc, etc etc. I had to keep everything congruent, that I was very selective, and I don't just sleep with everyone. I lay there, in her boyfriends bed, and waited. Sure enough, she came over. (I still didn't sleep with her, but the fact she came over proved this works on tens.)

Understand that you can be her friend, yet you're still a MAN. You're still have sexual impulses, but you have the willpower NOT to act on them.

[DisturbedMinds]

Good read. Im a business man myself with the house, the cars and all the other goodies so I know exactly where you're coming from. Fortunately you took the time to type it all out so I dont have to spend the next several years trying to figure things out
Your view definitely differs from many here, but then again your aim is to take the time to find the perfect girl and possibly move into a long term relationship with her. Most people in their mid to late 20's and up are probably going to like this because they're the ones who want to find that person to settle down. As for the rest of the kiddies, well we all know what they're after

[Folsom]

Originally Posted by DisturbedMinds

Good read. Im a business man myself with the house, the cars and all the other goodies so I know exactly where you're coming from. Fortunately you took the time to type it all out so I dont have to spend the next several years trying to figure things out
Your view definitely differs from many here, but then again your aim is to take the time to find the perfect girl and possibly move into a long term relationship with her. Most people in their mid to late 20's and up are probably going to like this because they're the ones who want to find that person to settle down. As for the rest of the kiddies, well we all know what they're after

Your post implies that you're not convinced that a LTR is a worthy goal.
For me the jury is still out -
I address that frame of mind with rules nine and ten