How to Date Tens You Meet Online : The Folsom Method

[Folsom]

The 7th Rule of the Folsom Method is Don't Get Sucked Into A Serious Relationship.

I am 36, never been married, never had kids. I can't even count the number of guys who've confessed to "living vicariously through me." IMHO, most guys in their 20s get married or into serious relationships simply because it's the easy way out. Their wife/girlfriend fills a void in their life. Fifteen years down the road these guys are miserable, saddled with credit card debt, mortgages they can't afford, and a loveless marriage. Don't wind up like them.

Here's a homework assignment for you. If you are dating someone, and you've only gone out three or four times, she's going to have "the talk" with you. During "the talk", she's going to discuss COMMITMENT. Four out of five guys just go along with it. Instead of agreeing to her demands, tell her the truth. Tell her that you like to spend time with her, and the sex is great, but you're not ready for a commitment. At this point, she'll freak out, and dump you. About a week later she'll send a txt msg, or call. At this point, she's hoping you changed your mind. Stay firm, and tell her you're not interested in dating "just her."

At this point, 75% of the girls out there will give up on you. But a few will stick around.

Now you're exactly where you want to be. You have a girl who you can relate to, spend time with, and sleep with. But you're not hurtling towards the M WORD, and she isn't moving her stuff into your place.

Once you have this task out of the way, you can concentrate on what's important to you. This could be finishing college, getting a better job, making your first million, or even finding that "ten" at the end of the rainbow.

If one isn't enough, you can go to two, three, whatever. Personally I've found that three is a lot of work, and two works great long term.

I wonder how many guys on this board do this? I've been involved in these kinds of arrangements off and on for over ten years.

Whatever you do, DON'T go and cheat on your woman. It's the easy way out, but they always find out sooner or later. It turns into a bunch of drama, and it just sucks. Before long you have to lie about what you're doing, and it makes you look like an ass. Your buddies will think you're a dick too. You're buddies can respect a guy who dates a lot of girls, but a cheater is a problem. Of course, I'm guilty of cheating myself. I did it a point in my life where I was too impatient to simply go out and find girls who could accept a MLTR scenario. The outcome of my cheating was brutal, it's way more trouble than it's worth.

Another thing that I personally DON'T enjoy is one night stands. In order to have a one night stand you have to go to a bar, and pick up on a bunch of girls, and hope the game works on one of them. That requires two or three hours of time. In my opinion, it's a lot easier to have a handful of women who are cool with your arrangement, who are available at a moment's notice. I'm not saying that I have a "black book." It's not like I call a woman up, and say "hey do you want to have sex tonight?" What I've found is that the women will often call ME, when they're in the mood to have a drink, or chat, or whatever. One thing leads to another, and you know the rest. The bottom line is that you're OPEN with all of them, and they know how you roll. Don't get drunk and propose to them or do anything stupid like that.

[Folsom]

The 8th rule of the Folsom method is You have five minutes to blow it.

If you want to meet a girl online, you really need to get into their heads. A good looking guy might get an email a day; a good looking girl might get ten or twenty. Since she is literally INUNDATED with attention from faceless guys, you don't have long to stand out.

Because of this, your first five minutes will make or break you. This isn't like the real world, where you can strike out in two or three seconds. You have about three hundred seconds.

So whatever you do, develop some good material!

Let's say you get a girl's phone number or IM address. Now you're gut reaction is to start chatting with her immediately, or call her. Before you go and do that, think about it:
- Do you have five minutes of material ready to go?
- Are you certain she isn't busy right now?
- Will anything interrupt you?

Basically I'm saying that you need to be ready to WOW her. That doesn't mean jump through hoops or placate her. But it DOES mean that stupid sh1t can derail everything you've invested so far.

When I make the first call, if at all possible, I try to do it in a quiet room where no one will interrupt me for five minutes. If she gives me her IM, I don't hit her up unless I'm sure I can stay for five minutes.

All the usual DHV/DLV rules apply at this point. If you've made it this far, your MM training will serve you well.

[Hardwired]

Once again, some great stuff here, Folsom. But once again, I need some clarification- specifically on what exactly constitutes "cheating" in a mltr? For one thing do you actually tell the girl that you are also seeing "x" number of other women, so that if you start seeing "x+y" number, you are suddenly "cheating?" I've generally gone along with "don't ask/don't tell", but of course that has it's own pitfalls. Women will often blow themselves out with insecurity, which for me is fine in the long run, but can be a pain, short term.

Thanks again for your enlightening take on the vagaries of "high altitude sarging" (we know what the benefits are )

[sidegunner]

Originally Posted by Folsom

Tell her that you like to spend time with her, and the sex is great, but you're not ready for a commitment.

I'd just like to put in here that it's not good to use words like "ready" when talking about commitment. A much better word would be "not interested in commitment". "Ready" connotes that one day, you might be ready and that simply isn't true. A lot of girls get strung along when a guy says that he'll be ready some day. Honesty is a great policy here and I'm glad Folsom advocates just being honest and knowing that 3 out of 4 will just drop out on you.

[Folsom]

Originally Posted by Hardwired

Once again, some great stuff here, Folsom. But once again, I need some clarification- specifically on what exactly constitutes "cheating" in a mltr? For one thing do you actually tell the girl that you are also seeing "x" number of other women, so that if you start seeing "x+y" number, you are suddenly "cheating?" I've generally gone along with "don't ask/don't tell", but of course that has it's own pitfalls. Women will often blow themselves out with insecurity, which for me is fine in the long run, but can be a pain, short term.

Thanks again for your enlightening take on the vagaries of "high altitude sarging" (we know what the benefits are )

Thanks for asking - I should have clarified that.

First, I'll describe what most guys do: It's not the right thing to do, but we do it anyways. Most guys meet a girl, and she seems pretty cool, and next thing we know we're wrapped up in a RELATIONSHIP. The only problem is that she isn't 100% of what we're looking for. How many guys do you know who tell you that their girl is too fat, she nags too much, she spends all their money? You know it's true. Call me cynical, but I believe a big part of the reason guys wind up in these relationships is because they just want to get laid on a semi-regular basis. Months or years down the road they meet someone better, then they cheat, or they let the opportunity slip through their fingers.

So this is what I do: I go out with girls, and when the relationship reaches that point where she wants exclusivity, I JUST SAY NO. Yes, many girls will exit stage left. But do this five or ten times and you'll wind up with a few who are cool with the arrangement. Once you've reached that point, you can kick back and focus on what's important to you. This could be your career, or school, or whatever. The main idea is that you need to be upfront and honest, because cheating just turns your life into a total shitstorm.

There are some great advantages to this arrangement. First, we all love variety. Second, you can take your sweet time working on THE BIG STUFF. That could be finding a ten, or work, or whatever. When you're in this arrangement, and you're honest, your girl will CONSTANTLY try to outdo the other girls. She'll work out, diet, screw you silly, etc. What's that slogan from the Money Store? When banks compete, you win?

Here's my slogan: WHEN GIRLS COMPETE, I WIN

[Folsom]

Originally Posted by sidegunner

I'd just like to put in here that it's not good to use words like "ready" when talking about commitment. A much better word would be "not interested in commitment". "Ready" connotes that one day, you might be ready and that simply isn't true. A lot of girls get strung along when a guy says that he'll be ready some day. Honesty is a great policy here and I'm glad Folsom advocates just being honest and knowing that 3 out of 4 will just drop out on you.

You sir have more moral fiber than me.
I'm more than willing to lead people on, just as long as I don't lie.

Here's one of my favorite ways to lead girls on, that's 100% honest.

One of my favorite opinion openers is to tell a girl that I'm looking at a new house, and I'd like to get a woman's opinion on it.

This is wicked on so many levels, I don't even know where to start:
- It's great because it's a short opener. I hate openers that are long & involved.
- I've never met ONE girl who didn't have an opinion on this one. You could ask girls about music and movies, and just get a yawn. But houses are crack to girls.
- Once she clicks the link, it suddenly pushes all kinds of maternal buttons in her head. This is hard wired - girls can't look at a home without imagining all kinds of positive things like family, friends, dinner parties, etc...
- If you pick the house properly, it DHVs you like no other. If a guy brags about money, he sounds like a complete ass. But asking a girl to evaluate a home you're thinking about buying immediately communicates how much you have, how much you make, your style, and the world you live in.


Half of the girls I've used that opener on will come back and IM me in a week or two, to see if I bought it. It's great! Ironically, I really *am* looking for a house. This opener was an accident, but it WORKS.

One of these days, I'm going to kick it up a notch. What I would do is post an ad on Craigslist saying "hey i'm a dumb guy and i need a woman's opinion. Which one of these three houses is the best?"
Though I haven't tried it, I'll bet that would get hundreds of replies, and could lead to some great dates.

[Hardwired]

So instead of doing the usual thing of promising commitment, then cheating to get more pussy, you avoid the commitment part up front (and spur competitive urges with the women), therefore you don't cheat, because you were honest about dating other girls. Just wanted to clarify that.

[Folsom]

Originally Posted by Hardwired

So instead of doing the usual thing of promising commitment, then cheating to get more pussy, you avoid the commitment part up front (and spur competitive urges with the women), therefore you don't cheat, because you were honest about dating other girls. Just wanted to clarify that.

As I see it, a guy has options when he's looking for "the one."

Option One - The Traditional Option: A guy has a series of monogamous relationships. One day he meets the girl of his dreams, gets married, etc... The flaw with the traditional paradigm is twofold. The first flaw is that most guys NEED TO GET LAID. So your average guy will wind up in a relationship with someone who doesn't meet his standards, just for regular sex. In other words, he'll settle. And once you're in that relationship, your quest for "the one" is over. The second flaw is that men are appreciating assets, and women are depreciating assets. http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.co...-gold-digging/
So even if a guy has extraordinary luck, and finds a ten by the time he's 25, chances are good that by the time he's 40, she'll no longer be a ten. Of course this opens up a whole can of worms, but I'll address that with the last (and most important) rule.

Option Two - The Player Option: A guy keeps his high standards, and continues to look for "the one." In the meantime he gets good at banging everything that walks. The main problem with option two is that it's time consuming. I don't have time to go to three or four clubs or parties every day looking for sex. On top of that, I've generally noticed that girls who play the same game are kinda skanky. No thanks.

Option Three - The 40yo Virgin Option: A guy keeps his standards while looking for "the one." He refuses to get into serious relationships with anyone below his standards. Big problem here is that relationships take PRACTICE, so by the time he meets someone who meets his high standards, he'll probably crash and burn, due to inexperience.

Option Four - My Option: A guy keeps his standards while looking for "the one." He refuses to get into serious relationships with anyone below his standards. In the meantime, he dates a lot. Girls can visit his home, but they're not moving in. All the girls he dates know the deal. There are two downsides to this method. First, girls will push you constantly to get rid of the other girls. Eventually, many will give up on you. Second, when you find "the one", you need to have a game plan for getting rid of everyone you're dating. In other words, when you truly find the person you've been searching for, you need to have the courage and backbone to change your entire life in a matter of days. Easier said than done.

[Squirt Master]

I put in your house idea into a online myspace chat (read from bottom up.)

any ideas where to go now?
------------------------------

from here I will get off the topic of the house and move onto something else.
If I add something else with the house (example I wana pole for dancing near the pool and a huge kitchen...can you cook?) could seem that I am gaming her and making shit up.

-----------------------------

from HB
yeah the 1st ones really nice. yeah for sure, thats a huge move! ahh I am close with my family also.. lots of arguements hahaha


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: sm
Date: 24 Jan 2008, 01:24 PM


Thanks for your opinion.
I love the location but
Yeah it is a big jump and I am too close to my family to live overseas.



-----------------


hb.

i love those houses,,, i love the look of the robina one, but number 3 u got a beautiful beach. bit of a jump in location tho,,,, isnt it.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: sm
Date: 24 Jan 2008, 10:08 AM




While I am talking to you
I'm looking at a new house(this is true I looked at the house online but I didnt say buying a house), and I'd like to get a woman's opinion on it.

http://www.homehound.com.au/listing/index.php?id=660776

or

http://www.zurqui.com/crinfocus/oro-...bbc895/pbbc.ht
ml

or

http://www.zurqui.com/crinfocus/oro-...st/bh1/bh.html


i'm a dumb guy and i need a woman's opinion. Which one of these three houses is the best?
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: hb
Date: 23 Jan 2008, 09:19 PM


ohh ha at first was like whos the fucker that posted it. lol yeah, cos i dnt really use facebook.



lol whats with the questions. gullible..? mmm nah not too gullible.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: sm
Date: 23 Jan 2008, 03:16 PM


Thats what the group said you will say =[

haha

just fuckin with you


On a scale of 1-10, how gullible would you rate yourself? No lying now.


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: hb
Date: 23 Jan 2008, 09:10 PM


r u shitting me?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: sm
Date: 23 Jan 2008, 12:24 PM


It was under "Very Very Bad Girls", and your picture was there under "Girls to avoid"

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: .HB
Date: 23 Jan 2008, 05:35 PM


yeah nice one

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: sm
Date: 23 Jan 2008, 06:12 AM


Hey... I've seen you in a Facebook Group, your picture was there

by the way
I like you hair . your head almost looks normal that way.

[sdnightfly]

Other than the negative way you feel about marriage, most of what you said I am on the same page with.

A wife shouldn't be filling a void.

The credit card debt stems from being ignored and being taken for granted, a guy could have a great job, but if he's not keeping the home fires burning and she's getting bored, then what you're saying is right. This means 8-10 years into it, not the first couple of years.

One of the problems are that guys don't want her to be with anyone else, so they commit. There's a couple of things that guys hate doing...committing and breaking up.

Cheating...best phrase I've heard is "when monogamy becomes monotony". So true. I don't care if you're 16 or 60... if you're not paying attention to her and you think she's going to be there, think again.

I know what it's like to cheat and be cheated on. I don't think most people enjoy either. I felt like crap cheating, I felt like crap when I found out I was cheated on.

I don't know about "don't get sucked into a serious relationship". I think "don't commit" might be better.

Originally Posted by Folsom

The 7th Rule of the Folsom Method is Don't Get Sucked Into A Serious Relationship.

I am 36, never been married, never had kids. I can't even count the number of guys who've confessed to "living vicariously through me." IMHO, most guys in their 20s get married or into serious relationships simply because it's the easy way out. Their wife/girlfriend fills a void in their life. Fifteen years down the road these guys are miserable, saddled with credit card debt, mortgages they can't afford, and a loveless marriage. Don't wind up like them.

Here's a homework assignment for you. If you are dating someone, and you've only gone out three or four times, she's going to have "the talk" with you. During "the talk", she's going to discuss COMMITMENT. Four out of five guys just go along with it. Instead of agreeing to her demands, tell her the truth. Tell her that you like to spend time with her, and the sex is great, but you're not ready for a commitment. At this point, she'll freak out, and dump you. About a week later she'll send a txt msg, or call. At this point, she's hoping you changed your mind. Stay firm, and tell her you're not interested in dating "just her."

At this point, 75% of the girls out there will give up on you. But a few will stick around.

Now you're exactly where you want to be. You have a girl who you can relate to, spend time with, and sleep with. But you're not hurtling towards the M WORD, and she isn't moving her stuff into your place.

Once you have this task out of the way, you can concentrate on what's important to you. This could be finishing college, getting a better job, making your first million, or even finding that "ten" at the end of the rainbow.

If one isn't enough, you can go to two, three, whatever. Personally I've found that three is a lot of work, and two works great long term.

I wonder how many guys on this board do this? I've been involved in these kinds of arrangements off and on for over ten years.

Whatever you do, DON'T go and cheat on your woman. It's the easy way out, but they always find out sooner or later. It turns into a bunch of drama, and it just sucks. Before long you have to lie about what you're doing, and it makes you look like an ass. Your buddies will think you're a dick too. You're buddies can respect a guy who dates a lot of girls, but a cheater is a problem. Of course, I'm guilty of cheating myself. I did it a point in my life where I was too impatient to simply go out and find girls who could accept a MLTR scenario. The outcome of my cheating was brutal, it's way more trouble than it's worth.

Another thing that I personally DON'T enjoy is one night stands. In order to have a one night stand you have to go to a bar, and pick up on a bunch of girls, and hope the game works on one of them. That requires two or three hours of time. In my opinion, it's a lot easier to have a handful of women who are cool with your arrangement, who are available at a moment's notice. I'm not saying that I have a "black book." It's not like I call a woman up, and say "hey do you want to have sex tonight?" What I've found is that the women will often call ME, when they're in the mood to have a drink, or chat, or whatever. One thing leads to another, and you know the rest. The bottom line is that you're OPEN with all of them, and they know how you roll. Don't get drunk and propose to them or do anything stupid like that.