Being Protective

[AlexRS]

Hi everyone. I have a story for all of you and I just need some of your thoughts about this.

Okay.

I'll admit that I'm very protective when it comes to my family members. I really care about each single one of them.

This whole story is about my 16 year old cousin. She's been getting hit on by a 19 year old guy (which I will call him Paul for this story) a lot for 2-3 months now and they've only known each other during just that time.

Actually my cousin has known him for 7 months, she says, but they really didn't talk to each other much until 4 months ago.

My cousin tells me she is rather flirtatious with the guys at her school but she isn't really ready for a relationship. Four months ago, she's done a little flirting with Paul and all of a sudden, he's always been on her case for a while now. During these 3 months of finally talking to each other and becoming friends, he's been expressing the utmost love for her, etc. etc.

My cousin showed me a love letter he gave her and let me tell you, this guy is seriously in fucking love with my cousin... and they don't even go out... As you can see, because I'm protective over my family members and I don't want anyone to get hurt, I start to think this guy has bad intentions for my cousin..

He even sends her love text messages like "You are my princess", "I can't live my life without you, babe", etc. Seriously, MOST OF HIS MESSAGES are like this.

This is actually pretty stalkerish and I expected my cousin to reject this guy immediately because we all know by now that if you stalk a girl or show too much neediness, she will think you can't live your own life without her and she will get turned off by that...

But for some damn reason, she likes him. Not as a friend... but she "likes him likes him", according to her. -_-

Yesterday, he called her and told her to come over his house, which she did, and when she got there, he gave her a $250 ring... I'm dead serious... They don't even go out or anything, and he gives her a $250 ring.

My cousin loved it and kept it and I told her, "I swear... I bet you kissed him after receiving that." But she just laughs and says, "No, ew, I like him but I'm not ready..."

I'm so confused by this whole situation that I need someone to help me clarify what is going on. What is this guy thinking? What is my cousin thinking?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[AlexRS]

I guess no one has any thoughts about this?

[sampanye]

I think it's bizarre and a bit creepy, but be careful: do you really want to get involved here? Keep an eye out for her, sure, but it's HER life. Sometimes we have to trust the people we care about to be able to make their own decisions.

There may be more to the story than she's told you.

[TrueStory]

duuuude this guy is creepy as fuck.

Watch she rejects him and he's going to go psycho on her.

I will laugh my ass off if he's on these forums.

however you need to allow your cousin to make her OWN mistakes. She's 16... worse case scenario she'll have to call cops on him.

At least she'll learn about needy behaviour and wont fall for it later in life when you're not around to watch over her.

I'd tell your cousin that his behaviour is creepy and she should consider if they guy is psycho.

A good deal of reframing should work on her.

[AlexRS]

Originally Posted by sampanye

I think it's bizarre and a bit creepy, but be careful: do you really want to get involved here? Keep an eye out for her, sure, but it's HER life. Sometimes we have to trust the people we care about to be able to make their own decisions.

Yeah, I understand. I don't really want to get too involved or too overprotective but this guy is just... way too needy. I keep telling myself how a 19 year old can obsess over a 16 year old. It's pathetic, in my opinion.

I do tell my cousin that I trust her and it is her life but I know for sure that this guy has bad intentions... and it kills me to know that my cousin likes the guy. It makes no sense.

There may be more to the story than she's told you.

The fact that they don't go out and he's so needy for my 16 year old cousin to the point where he gives her a diamond ring is a little bizarre, though. There could be more to the story... my cousin might not be really telling me the full story but I've seen this guy... and if you were to put them side to side, they look like an AWFUL couple. My cousin looks young but this guy looks like he's in his mid-20s and he's one of those kids that hangs out with the gangsters. -_-

Originally Posted by TrueStory

however you need to allow your cousin to make her OWN mistakes. She's 16... worse case scenario she'll have to call cops on him.

Worst case scenario is if she gets pregnant by this guy. -_-
He also sends sexual text messages to her (biting, licking, going down on her, etc.). It's funny because my cousin sends text messages back with responses like "lol haha" or "pfft sure i will lol", etc.

I understand the whole 'cousin needs to make her own mistakes and learn from them' but the more my cousin tells me about this guy and shows me his text messages, it really feels like that he's doing his best to get in between her legs.

At least she'll learn about needy behaviour and wont fall for it later in life when you're not around to watch over her.

I hope so. -_-

I'd tell your cousin that his behaviour is creepy and she should consider if they guy is psycho.

A good deal of reframing should work on her.

Oh man, big time. Whenever I'm with my cousin, I will occassionally ask her "Hey, how's your creepy boyfriend?" or "So what is the stalker doing now?". She laughs about it and I believe that she gets turned off with "Paul" but she continues to like this guy. I don't get it...

Do you guys think that she's continuously flirting with this guy because she loves the attention that he's giving her? She never had a boyfriend so I'm thinking that because some guy is showing affection towards her, she quickly starts liking it because she never felt this much of affection from a guy before. I think if she had more experience with relationships, she would have quickly rejected this guy.

I dunno, I wanted to add my thoughts.

[sampanye]

Originally Posted by AlexRS

Do you guys think that she's continuously flirting with this guy because she loves the attention that he's giving her? She never had a boyfriend so I'm thinking that because some guy is showing affection towards her, she quickly starts liking it because she never felt this much of affection from a guy before. I think if she had more experience with relationships, she would have quickly rejected this guy.

I would agree hugely with this. Maybe she enjoys the attention, or maybe she just doesn't know what counts as normal pursuing-of-a-girl and what doesn't. Young girls are confused and don't know how to act in this sort of situation. Hell, when I was 16 I had to call the cops on a guy for similar behaviour. Explicit text messages which made me really uncomfortable, hanging around outside my work for nine hours a day, etc.

Tell your cousin your concerns about this guy, by all means. I would agree that he's only after one thing and I'd be wary of him too... but it's still her life. Warn her, but don't believe you can control her entirely.