To me, this is a very important post.
Social Intelligence. Having struggled so hard to learn it, I have so much to
say on this topic. In this post I'd like to specifically discuss social vibing
and insecurity (a very focused, but important peice of the puzzle).
There are many subcommunications that are being telegraphed at all times in any
interaction. Both verbal and non-verbal.
Social interactions have features and customs that I suppose are designed to
make them pleasant.
As social animals, we have the attribute of actually enjoying socializing just
for the sake of socializing.
We socially VIBE.
People who break the vibe are considered socially unintelligent, and despite
being perhaps very good/worthwhile people, they will come across poorly.
Most people, once you get to know them, are really worthwhile. I've rarely met
someone, who when put in a position where I was by circumstance made to get to
know them, that I didn't come to like.
So what's the difference between someone who is COOL and someone who is UNCOOL?
The way that they COME ACROSS. Their level of social intelligence. Their
ability to CONVEY it. TELEGRAPH it. SUBCOMMUNICATE it.
Understanding how to socially vibe telegraphs that you are secure with
yourself. Failing to understand telegraphs insecurity.
Much of this post assumes that early game is now past, and you are in comfort
building (if you use my PU model, if you are using
Juggler's, for example, then
this would apply from the very start because he is full rapport).
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LAUGHING AS VIBING:
Laughter is not only a stress relief mechanism. It's actualy a social
mechanism.
Laughter basically shows that your social group is vibing well. Monkeys, while
they can't talk like we can, still laugh when they are in rapport with
eachother.
Think to when you were telling a joke, and the group vibe was just so TIGHT.
The people were starting to laugh before you'd even delivered the punch line.
Maybe you said "I haven't even told the joke yet, and you guys are laughing".
And they can't figure out why, and they laugh even more as you say this.
Also, think of how when you use cocky tactics, girls laugh/giggle. This is a
sign that they are wanting to vibe with you.
The movie "Goodfellas", in the scene where Joe Pesci is telling jokes at the
restaurant table, and everyone is laughing harder and harder. Ray Liotta can't
stop laughing. It's not just the
humour. It's the VIBE.
People who are not socially intelligent will LAUGH AT THEIR OWN JOKES. They
laugh prior to the group starting to laugh.
Notice next time that someone laughs at their own joke first. Were you JUST
ABOUT to laugh, but then didn't when they did first?
They were attempting to FILL IN THE RAPPORT GAP.
When the boss of an office tells a joke, everyone laughs. When the beta male
tells it, he worries that nobody will, and laughs at his own joke to fill in
the so-called rapport gap.
Concentrate on VIBING, and don't try to artificially push rapport.
Better, is to WAIT until the group laughs, and THEN laugh with them.
This gap is also seen when people say "right" after all of their sentences.
They are trying to FILL IN the "right" that the other person SHOULD have said
themself, IF THEY HAD been socially vibing properly.
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RHETORICAL SEQUENCING:
People, when talking, use weird (when you think about it) rhetorical
sequencing. Here is an example:
A guy is excited that he got a cheap deal on a coat.
GOOD VIBING:
GUY: You'll never guess how much I got this coat for.
FRIEND: Wow.. Umm, 200$.
GUY: No man. 45$
FRIEND: Wow.. Nice man.
BAD VIBING:
GUY: You'll never guess how much I got this coat for.
FRIEND: Oh you got a deal. I guess 30$ then.
GUY: Umm, actually 45$
FRIEND: Oh.. well that's not bad.
Notice that the friend TELEGRAPHED SUBCOMMUNICATIONS of INSECURITY.
His thought process was: "I'll show GUY that I'm smart. I'm clever enough to
pickup on the fact that if he said "You'll never guess what I paid", that he
got a deal. Then I'll have shown him that I passed his test."
His INSECURITY caused him to miss out on the social vibing, which was intended
to build excitement and wasn't a test at all.
The secure guy, although realizing that the coat was really cheap, would still
guess something lower end, but still high enough that if the guy's deal wasn't
as great as he thought, he'll still feel good. After all, its bought, so why
worry about that stuff (UNLESS you seriously could hookup a massively cheaper
deal and return the coat (which the socially intelligent guy would ascertain
before even suggesting it), in which case the happiness derived from that would
outweigh actually telling the guy that he didn't get the best deal).
ANOTHER EXAMPLE:
GOOD VIBING:
HB: I just got this crazy shirt. Look at it.
PUA: Wow.. Cute!
BAD VIBING:
HB: I just got this crazy shirt. Look at it.
PUA: Cool.. Hey you know in L.A. that shirt would be nothing. I should bring
you there sometime.
ANOTHER EXAMPLE:
GOOD VIBING:
(Friend1 drives to Toronto for the first time with Friend2)
FRIEND1: Wow man, look at that building.. That rocks..
FRIEND2: Whoa.. That's pretty big dude.
BAD VIBING:
FRIEND1: Wow man, look at that building.. That rocks..
FRIEND2: Dude, that's cool.. But man, you should see NYC. Man, NYC KILLS this
place.
(JLAIX: If you're reading this, who does this remind you of? HINT: His first
name is *LERON*).
Again, with these examples, the person who is not vibing right does not get
something: The purpose of the initial comment was NOT to ACTUALLY debate it.
It was to SOCIALLY VIBE. The content was not the REAL communication. It was a
surface for SUBCOMMUNICATION, which INTENDED to say "Let's have a nice time,
and have rapport with eachother and relax."
The insecure and socially unintelligent person is taking the sentences of the
first person, and FIELDING them as OPPORTUNITIES TO QUALIFY HIMSELF.
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HEIRARCHIES - ROLE IN SOCIAL INTERACTION:
We all get our moment in the sun at some point.
You'll notice, that when you are holding court, that sometimes people will be
insecure with that.
The secure guy will recognize when its someone's turn to hold court, and not
fight it.
A person who is secure will talk to ADD EMPHASIS to a point. He will not
DISPUTE a point while someone is holding court. He knows that he'll have his
chance LATER, and that right now someone is trying to get a point across.
Guys who are insecure will constantly dispute points whenever they see the
opening. They view it as an opportunity to demonstrate their value.
They CANNOT RESIST the temptation.
For an example that everyone reading this can recognize, look to this
chatboard. Something tight will get posted. Insecure posters will nightpick
semantics. Like "While this is important, its maybe an 8 out of 10 level
importance. Not a 10 like you said." The secure poster, if he finds the level
of emphasis on a level where its honestly misinformative, might post "I think
that x,y,z are really good, man. I think that you might consider less emphasis
on it though, because a,b,c are important as well. Good post though man, I
like x,y,z"
ANOTHER feature you'll see on this board, and that is in the same vein, are
THROWING LITTLE NEGS or TRYING TO COME OFF AUTHORITATIVE WHEN ITS NOT YOUR PLACE.
For example, you'll see guys trying to get rapport with someone they don't know
by throwing little negs.
GOOD VIBING:
*OLD* FRIEND 1: Hey Stevo, you fucking bastard.. C'mere gimme a hug
BAD VIBING:
*NEW* ACQUAINTANCE: C'mere you fucker, help me out.
The second is BAD vibing, because he is trying to FORCE rapport with
subcommunication that is only appropriate of old friends.
Similarly, you'll see guys who try to come off authoritative. You'll see it on
the board, where a guy will post something quality, and someone who doesn't
like him will post "That's very quality material. Good that you posted
something of quality". It's like he's trying to come off authoritative. Like
he realizes that he's negged on the guy on the chatboard, and he feels insecure
that the guy he negged produced something worthwhile. So he has to come in and
be all authoritative, like "I can show everyone that I recognize a good post".
Guys in real life will see someone who they publically disliked starting to
improve himself, and say things like "Good that you're improving. KEEP IT UP."
By this, they are trying to CONTROL what is happening. They are trying to say
"Improve, because *I*, the AUTHORITY, approved."
More on this... If you've ever ran a very good presentation at work or
school, and you see an insecure person come up to you and criticize.
They don't realize its YOUR TURN TO HOLD COURT. Their turn is LATER.
So they throw little negs at you. Like they always have to offer advice on how
you could have improved it. They can't just say "Good job man".
Or they have to nit-pick subtleties. Like they can't say "That was awesome".
They have to first go over their advise on where you fucked up.
For a real life example that most guys on this board can recognize, when you
meet up with another guy from the scene through PAIR, if he's insecure he'll do
the following:
1- Talk about game non-stop, rather than PLAY.
2- Watch you do a set, and CRITICIZE on what could be improved, rather than
encourage.
3- You tell him about something that happened, and he gives you ADVICE, rather
than just listening.
Social Vibing (TD) 
Linear Mode
