She dumped me (but I still lurv her, man!) -> One-Itis

[Zoraster]

My girlfriend of about 2 months dumped me. I'm hurt, confused, surpised, etc.
This happened about a week ago. I thought the good was so damn good, that I had her and she was not going toe do what she did. I talked her into getting back together 2 or 3 times before when this type of thing happened before.

Well, this last time, I wrote her a beautiful poem expressing how I feel. So, I don't need to tell her anymore or contact her anymore. I mean, based on what I'm understanding...if there's any chance it is doing more by doing nothing, cutting off all contact than doing anything at all.

She has a job interview for a promotion in a day or two. When we were together, I had said I wanted to help to prep. her, give her tough interview questions etc. I have not contacted her in a week at all. Should I just send an email saying I hope she gets the job, I know she can do well? Or, not?

1 other minor thing. She writes a blog...sometimes she used to indirectly communicate to me on it. She could do so even now...but, should I stay away even from that? She gets very little traffic and could think I'm at least checking in on it if she sees the visitior number go up.


Thanks guys.

I.P.

[RunMan]

you've been on the forums long enough to spot when someone else has oneitis, but obviously you don't see it yourself. Move on. If you had to convince her once before, there is no point in it again, you will always be on the line with her and one wrong move and its going to be over...

crazy cycle of shit if you ask me.

[mindquicken]

as a postmortem, i would try to figure out the reason why things didn't work out and learn from it. right now, the best you could do is stop contacting her. if she does regain interest in you, she'll contact you and this time you could avoid the same mistakes.

[Cubix]

Don't contact her to help her with her job interview or for any other reason..Looking at her blog is purely just torturing yourself, don't look at it and don't contact her period.

[Braddock]

Hell no don't check that blog. I know you are hurting but just the way you are writing in this is why she dumped you I'm expecting. You are emotionally leaking all over this poor girl. Writing poems and talking her out of dumping you tells me the whole story and I haven't even opened the book yet.

Bitch slap yourself and stop moving through life like this. This is going to be a reocurring theme with women if you don't stop the bullshit. I know I sound harsh, but I think you need to hear this. I have been right where you are hurting really bad and hating life, just wishing I could have her back.

I remember sitting there thinking of any weak attempt I could come up with to get us to cross paths or show her just how much I cared. I wrote one girl a 20 page single spaced letter about how much I loved her and how sad I was. JESUS!!!!!

The poems and the "should I wish her good luck or go quiz her" is a symptom of the real disease. You think you can nice your way or love your way into her heart and it's blowing up in your face. They have to earn nice and they have to earn love. Even then you only give them large doses of "nice" or "love" every now and then so it always makes them feel powerful deep feelings.

If you give your kids 5 gifts to unwrap 365 days per year and then how would they act on Christmas morning? That's right, just like they would on any other day because it wouldn't be special to wake up on christmas and get gifts. It would be just like every other day.

In your case I can only assume that you have shut off all things that cause attraction and you have amplified only the things that cause comfort and you are also waaaaay to available.

Remember attraction never ends. NEVER. You need to always tease, challenge, and push/pull your girl even if you have been married for 45 years. It's what creates that spark and keeps you the prize.

Then when you write her a poem or do something really nice or tell her how much you love her it has a deeper feel to it.

Pull yourself up and cut the shit. But what do you do now? You close your eyes and thank God that you were given this lesson now and not 10 years from now. Then open your eyes and promise yourself that you will never let this happen again (not avoiding getting dumped), promise yourself you will avoid ever losing a girl for sub communicating that you are a pussy.

You are the man in the relationship. If you don't act like it than she can't stay attracted to you. All the lovey dovey shit keeps her around for a while, because who doesn't enjoy being told how great they are? But at her core she feels a void that only a man acting like a man can fill.

Honestly man, I know where you are coming from and I know how bad you are hurting. That fucking sucks. Can't do a fucking thing without thinking about her, huh? Your normal. It will go away soon. When it does you need to have your shit together and be ready to kick some ass. Don't go through this hell you are in and not grab and free priceless lesson that you earned from enduring this hardship.

Hang in there man! I'm hurting for you. Let this storm pass and then get on to bigger and better things for you.

- Braddock

[sampanye]

I personally think contacting her in regards to the job interview is fine. She's going through a rough time too and even if you two aren't together romantically anymore, that doesn't mean she won't appreciate your support on a stressful day.

That being said, leave it at that. Don't read her blog - you'll end up tearing yourself up trying to find a message hidden in there for you. Don't add anything else into your email - keep it casual and light. No need to send her emotions haywire the day before her interview. And if she replies positively, don't take this as a green light. People can be civil and still care for one another without there being any intention to be together again.


Two months is not huge in the grand scheme of things. This might hurt now but time heals all wounds.

[The Legend]

Originally Posted by Braddock

Hell no don't check that blog. I know you are hurting but just the way you are writing in this is why she dumped you I'm expecting. You are emotionally leaking all over this poor girl. Writing poems and talking her out of dumping you tells me the whole story and I haven't even opened the book yet.

Bitch slap yourself and stop moving through life like this. This is going to be a reocurring theme with women if you don't stop the bullshit. I know I sound harsh, but I think you need to hear this. I have been right where you are hurting really bad and hating life, just wishing I could have her back.

I remember sitting there thinking of any weak attempt I could come up with to get us to cross paths or show her just how much I cared. I wrote one girl a 20 page single spaced letter about how much I loved her and how sad I was. JESUS!!!!!

The poems and the "should I wish her good luck or go quiz her" is a symptom of the real disease. You think you can nice your way or love your way into her heart and it's blowing up in your face. They have to earn nice and they have to earn love. Even then you only give them large doses of "nice" or "love" every now and then so it always makes them feel powerful deep feelings.

If you give your kids 5 gifts to unwrap 365 days per year and then how would they act on Christmas morning? That's right, just like they would on any other day because it wouldn't be special to wake up on christmas and get gifts. It would be just like every other day.

In your case I can only assume that you have shut off all things that cause attraction and you have amplified only the things that cause comfort and you are also waaaaay to available.

Remember attraction never ends. NEVER. You need to always tease, challenge, and push/pull your girl even if you have been married for 45 years. It's what creates that spark and keeps you the prize.

Then when you write her a poem or do something really nice or tell her how much you love her it has a deeper feel to it.

Pull yourself up and cut the shit. But what do you do now? You close your eyes and thank God that you were given this lesson now and not 10 years from now. Then open your eyes and promise yourself that you will never let this happen again (not avoiding getting dumped), promise yourself you will avoid ever losing a girl for sub communicating that you are a pussy.

You are the man in the relationship. If you don't act like it than she can't stay attracted to you. All the lovey dovey shit keeps her around for a while, because who doesn't enjoy being told how great they are? But at her core she feels a void that only a man acting like a man can fill.

Honestly man, I know where you are coming from and I know how bad you are hurting. That fucking sucks. Can't do a fucking thing without thinking about her, huh? Your normal. It will go away soon. When it does you need to have your shit together and be ready to kick some ass. Don't go through this hell you are in and not grab and free priceless lesson that you earned from enduring this hardship.

Hang in there man! I'm hurting for you. Let this storm pass and then get on to bigger and better things for you.

- Braddock

wise words there

[DeadEyeDick]

This is not an exception. You're rationalizing the desire to beg her to come back.

Redd Foxx judges you.

Her career advancement is no longer relevant to your life. It's not like she's going in for cancer surgery and you want to wish her luck.

As you said in your post, she dumped you. It was only 2 months and you said this had happened 2-3 times before? Doesn't sound solid, my friend. If at some point in the future you meet again by chance, that's one thing. Otherwise ...

Move on.

Move on.

Move on.

(Note: You gots one-itis, and this thread may be closed soon.)

[Mastermind1]

Originally Posted by sampanye

I personally think contacting her in regards to the job interview is fine. She's going through a rough time too and even if you two aren't together romantically anymore, that doesn't mean she won't appreciate your support on a stressful day.

Gotta disagree on this one. They were together for 2 months. She pulled the plug before and he talked her out of it? We all know that a woman wants to break up long before she decides to break up. She ain't going through nothing. You have to assume that if she wanted to hear from him, she'd contact him. If they cross paths neutral-cordial behavior is reasonable, but there is no reason for him to look to her for any relief. She's the one who broke it off. You don't stab someone in the heart and then offer them relief. Maybe, if they were together for some years and had an extensive history- maybe. Still who says she didn't get rid of this cuddling, coddling, nice guy for a cutthroat guy who makes her feel something? In that case, she's probably getting her guts pushed in as we type/read.

I say there's no harm in reading her bull-shit ass blog, but why would you want to? So you can try to find some meaning to your now pathetic existence or are you just nosy? You have to draw the line and say no to any communication. It's best to leave her wondering what happened to her pathetic ex, and for you to disappear to move onto better things.

If you have hard and fast rules and you're trying to make exceptions, you might have one-itis.

It's not a sin to be weak, it's a sin to stay weak.

MM1

[Braddock]

Originally Posted by Mastermind1

Gotta disagree on this one. They were together for 2 months. She pulled the plug before and he talked her out of it? We all know that a woman wants to break up long before she decides to break up. She ain't going through nothing. You have to assume that if she wanted to hear from him, she'd contact him. If they cross paths neutral-cordial behavior is reasonable, but there is no reason for him to look to her for any relief. She's the one who broke it off. You don't stab someone in the heart and then offer them relief. Maybe, if they were together for some years and had an extensive history- maybe. Still who says she didn't get rid of this cuddling, coddling, nice guy for a cutthroat guy who makes her feel something? In that case, she's probably getting her guts pushed in as we type/read.

I say there's no harm in reading her bull-shit ass blog, but why would you want to? So you can try to find some meaning to your now pathetic existence or are you just nosy? You have to draw the line and say no to any communication. It's best to leave her wondering what happened to her pathetic ex, and for you to disappear to move onto better things.

If you have hard and fast rules and you're trying to make exceptions, you might have one-itis.

It's not a sin to be weak, it's a sin to stay weak.
MM1

Love that last quote!


Well said. I couldn't agree more. Get away from this bitch. When you contact a girl who doesn't want you or read her facebook or blog or myspace you are asking for a fucking kick in the nuts because you are looking for some glimmer of hope that she still wants you, but what you usually find is a bunch of shit that has nothing to do with you and you just hurt worse and want her more. This becomes an unhealthy cycle that becomes harder and harder to break the worse you feel. FUCK THAT!!!

Take the pain, literally pretend like the girl died in a car wreck and act accordingly. Mourn for a while, be sad, relish the memories for a while then move forward.

Moving forward could mean all but is not limited to the following....

1. Throwing away shit that reminds you of her.

2. Cutting off friends and acquantences that always fucking report news of her even when you told them you don't want to hear about her.

3. Ridding your iPod of any Dave Mathews, Country, Cold Play or any other song that talks about the pain or happiness of love or any song that remins you of her at all.

4. Maybe getting a new house where you have zero associations.

5. Force yourself to stop talking about her to friends. They don't want to hear it and the truth is if you wrote down what you were asking them you are asking questions that cannot be answered and you are most likely asking the same questions over and over.


This list could go forever. I know this sounds extreme, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Do whatever the fuck you need to do to move on and get back to kicking ass.