I am pretty new to the community, and just went out sarging for the first time last night. In my life I've had moderate success with women, but everything has been the result of things just "popping up." introductions through friends, co-workers, etc. Sometimes my buddies had the balls to open sets, but I ended up with the girl in the end, and one time I f-closed a girl whose dog actually opened me! She was walking him in the park and he just ran up to me sniffing, wagging his tail, and I was like "nice dog" and took it from there. But a cold approach, save something weak like "cheers!" and "having fun?" is something I had never once for a single time in my life done until last night.
I live in South Korea, in an area that despite its size, is not too target rich. Guys far outnumber women in the nightlife areas, and, as is true for many of the foreigner guys here, I have a severe case of Asian Fever. The biggest problem for me in opening a set of white girls is that I have zero motivation to do it. I could care less really. Of the Korean girls who go out, a lot are already with their boyfriends. I'm thinking of taking some road trips to Seoul, which I think would be a much better training ground for me.
Anyway, I hang out mostly with a group that's mostly foreigners. There's a certain bar that we like and it's always fun. Which is why I had to ditch them to go sarging. Considering my severe approach anxiety and the level of fun that I have with my friends, If I met up with them it would surely turn into a regular Saturday nite. Of the single guys among them, none seem to be wing material, for varous reasons, and I really don't have any other wing options. So I went to the best nightlife district around by myself, and even there there are only about 4 places where people mingle.
Riding the subway there I was practically s*ting bricks cuz I was so nervous. The only times I ever go out barhopping or clubbing alone is when I'm traveling, and then I have the perfect excuse. I felt a bit vulnerable because of it, and was nervous about running into people I knew. Sounds retarded, but the feeling was there nonetheless. The pressure I put on myself to approach multiple sets didn't help any either. While I walked to the first bar, I pulled out my phone and pretended that I was talking to a friend, talking loudly, and made sure that people saw me do it. I felt like a tool doing that but it did help to calm me down a bit and feel a little more social. I went into the first bar and went directly to the bar and ordered a drink. Sometimes there are bored Korean girls sitting around it with their friends, so on the subway I had envisioned how I would go about it. This time though there were only a handful of guys. There was a three-set of girls at one table with their eyes glued to the Olympics and another 6 or 7 set with about 3 guys, also watching the TV. I kept thinking that it would be impossible to approach them without showing interest, because there were people standing closer to me that I could have asked something about in relation to the Olympics. Also if I got blown out, the whole bar would see it. On the one hand I kept thinking to myself "this situation is hopeless" but on the other I thought "Mystery and Style would close someone." I know for a fact the latter is true, so there's always a way. Anyway I chickened out, and like a chump headed to the next place.
Next bar, maybe 80% guys, white girls and very few K-chicks. To the 3rd place. On the way there I run into a Korean female friend, and like I mentioned before, I felt very vulnerable. When she asked if I was alone, I admitted it.. no point making excuses, she's a friend only. In Korean culture, doing anything alone seems to be bad, or sad, whatever you wanna call it. She freaked out a bit like it was really a big deal and as much as I like her, at that moment I really started to feel a bit pissed off. This is exactly what I didn't, didn't need, especially since I still hadn't achieved my goal of making one single approach. I said g-bye to her and moved on to bar 3. There I sat down, ordered a drink and looked around. Korean guys, foreign guys with foreign girls and a handful of K couples. Across from me was the only workable set, a 2-set of cute K girls. Only problem was that I was already sitting at the bar with a drink in my hand, and to walk all the way around the bar (one of those rectangle shaped bars) would've shown interest, so an opinion opener was out, as I could easily ask someone standing around me. At the end of the day it was me being a newbie and an AFC and I told myself again that Mystery or Style would pull it off. Really anyone capable probably would've been able too. Off to #4.
This place is a dark nightclub with loud house music. Only filled to about 1/3 capacity. Got a drink and stood off to the side. Another target weak environment. A drunk Korean couple starting dancing really sloppily in front me, and an HB7 stood nearby and laughed at them. I walked over to her and said "are they your friends?" This may not seem like much, but to me it was a big, big, deal. This is the hump I'd been trying to get over. It comes off as being nothing more than social, but for me it was something that I could never do before with game in mind. As soon as the words came out of my mouth I felt that I had already won the night's battle. She said that they were her brother and his girlfriend, and then started talking to me about them, and then asked me about myself. This was great. Although this is really comfort stuff, my whole game plan for the night was just to approach, open and then wing it from there since I really don't know what the hell I'm doing yet. My Korean is low-intermediate level, which is a lot better than the majority of Westerners here, so I mixed it in to DHV. She told me my Korean was so good, and talked some more and the convo started to stale. Although this too should be saved for comfort, I switched over to the 5 Questions Game. I had tested this out on females in my
social circle and they absolutely loved it! A big hit. She lost the bet and ran over to the bar to buy my rum and coke. As I accepted the drink I realized that it's probably a bad idea to play this game so early on, because the girl can feel like she's being manipulated into buying someone a drink. This one seemed cool with it though, but in the future if I were to do that again so early on I would play it without a bet, or do the "loser gets flicked in the forehead" which is pretty popular in Korea. Eventually in the end her drunk brother and girlfriend dragged her out on the dance floor, and she wound up staying there. Normally I would be disappointed, but I was elated at not only achieving my goal of approaching, but actually opened her, talked for a while and got her to buy me a drink.
A Korean couple stood nearby, an HB8 and an overweight nerdy Korean guy. They interacted with each other as if they were a couple, but the odd matchup made me wonder. I walked over to them and asked them if they knew how the Korea-Japan Olympic baseball game turned out. I already knew, but it was an approach. They told me the score, and seemed uncomfortable with me being there. I said thanks and left. Again, something I never in a million years would've done before unless I really wanted to know the score.
A pair of cute K-girls came in at some point, HB7s. They stood at the bar and wore matching outfits and I guessed they probably worked at a cocktail bar nearby and had just gotten off work. I went near them but looked as if I was waiting for the bartender's attention to order a drink. I turned to them and said "Are you friendly? I dunno.. not sure
" They just kind of stared at each other at first, but I know they understood cuz I said it in textbook Korean. After I repeated, one of them just started cracking up while looking at her friend, and the other laughed. The first one crossed her arms and I looked her up and down, mimicked her posture and said "no, you're not, you've got your arms crossed.." They were still blocking me out the whole time and I decided to roll off and order a drink. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the first girl looking over at me. I felt great. I came back to them a while later and asked if they were twins since they were wearing the same outfit. The first girl laughed again, but when I kept trying to talk to them I got negative body language and silence and it was clear that I was bothering them at that point. That was my first straight-up rejection, and I reminded myself that they weren't rejecting me as a person, but rejecting my approach. It bothered me, but not as badly as I thought it would.
After leaving the club I revisited the first 3 places to see if things had gotten any better. They hadn't, and had emptied big time. I took a cab to a popular bar on the beach which was pretty full and high energy. Mostly foreign guys. I saw some dudes I knew, and decided to just hang out with them and enjoy the rest of the night and not worry about game with women who weren't even really there.
At the end of the night though, I got a beer at the bar and saw an HB7 sitting at the end (of an L shaped bar). She was sitting next to two Korean guys. She gave me a smile while I waited for my drink, and after I got it and started drinking she smiled at me again. I figured she was there alone cuz the guys were completely ignoring her, and did "cheers" with each other and not with her. Although it obviously communicated interest, I went over to her with an opinion opener. I figured it shouldn't really matter anyway since she already gave me IOIs. She seemed to tense up a bit when I first started talking to her, but proceeded to deliver my first ever OO. I asked her if she believed in fortunetellers, which is very popular over here, or if she thought it was only for fun. She started to answer, and then suddently the dude next to her took an active interest in me. He made gestures and mumbled something which seemed clear that he wanted me to f*off, but then softened it by putting out his hand for me to shake it. My first AMOG. I knew I was missing something. She seemed a little embarrassed and it was clear they were together. I kept talking to her anyway and asked her what she thought Koreans as a whole thought about fortunetelling. She started to answer and once again I got AMOGed in the same fashion. I said thanks for her opinion and went home.
Last night was a great learning experience, and one of the biggest challenges in a long time to my self-confidence. I had it all, feelings of nervousness, vulnerability, success, irritation, disappointment and fun. I made 4 approaches, got rejected, AMOGed, opened one and got her to buy me a drink. I'm pretty confident that last one would have opened as well if not for the AMOG.
I can't thank the community enough. You guys are changing my life!
By the way, thanks to you guys, I took some advice here and turned around a flake today. I met this HB8 thru a friend about a month ago, built attraction and # closed her. I sent a text the next day "it was great meeting you last nite, bla bla," which she generically replied to in the same way, and the day after texted her if she wanted to go to dinner the following friday. BIG MISTAKE! I wish I had read this stuff earlier! She totally blew me off saying she was busy the whole weekend and that was the end of it. I totally wrote her off until finding the treasure chest here on why it happened and what I needed to do about it. I purposely waited a few more weeks and sent her the "I saw your twin today" text. It worked like magic. She replied "where?" and I didn't answer right away, and then she sent another one saying "it's that Korean table tennis player in the Olympics, isn't it?" Too funny! I got 5 texts from her today about it, and weaved in CF
humor. She replied to it with a joke of her own, and in the end I cut it off. She's back on the map, and I owe it all to you!
Promise next post won't be this long, first time and all, you know..
Kid
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1st time sarging EVER! F/R
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