On Being Non-Reactive

[Fader]

This is something I have been really trying to work on recently (it comes hard for me because i am very emotional and not just because I am a cancer lol). There is no doubt that being reactive will kill your game

Anyway I felt like I was close to an "a-ha" moment this morning so this post is really just me clarifying my own thoughts..... maybe it will help someone.

Life is a like chess, we always think we are making the best move (who would make the worse of two moves?), so generally it is not the move that is really wrong (that's just a symptom)... it's the thought process that led to the move (the action). This is why we could have Sinn & Mystery's material and we wont have the same results. It's not the material; it's the thought process that lets us know when to deliver what material and how (in chess what move to make when)

You will always have to react (that's how the universe stays in balance..... action / reaction), but how you react is up to you. Here is my thought process for dealing with people after I have a stimulus (action) that I have to react too. I examine (this is kind of like a flow chart):

01) Lower Social Value (is the person of higher or lower status then me in my mind?). What actually got me thinking about this post was a pm I received from a member who was unhappy about something. His response was totally reactive but I wasn’t phased by it all. So I started thinking "why does this not bother me?"..... Then I realized because it is not someone important in my life. His value, to me, is low (especially since he flamed me in the pm). What was weird was that allowed me to totally be neutral in my response. I could see why he was upset and even empathize with him. It is very easy to be non-reactive with people of lower social value because they don’t have value to you.

02) Higher or Equal Social Value. Pretty much every interaction with a women we have is going to be because she has some kind value (whether they are 5’s and you’re alone and using them for social proof by making them laugh, obstacles we are making like us so we can get the girl, or amog’s we are befriending), there is a reason we are in the interaction in the first place. There is no reason, that I can think of, why you would be in an interaction with someone who has zero value. And that is where the problem is; we want something from the interaction so we are more likely to react emotionally. At this point I suggest everyone read the best post I have ever read on microcalibration (found here Microcalibration).

If the girl DHV’s it is easy to respond with IOI’s because this is the behavior we want. It is when we get an IOD (the behavior we don’t want) that we tend to get react emotionally instead of rationally. For me personally I can feel when I am getting emotional and I am embracing it. The reason is once I fully understand what is happening and why, I can just discard it and go back to being rational, (much like dealing with AA, I feel the fear and do it anyway).

So in the end what I am planning to do for myself is this:
01)Master Microcalibration
02)Always have a better default / canned response
03)Master Frame Control (1 leads to 2 and 1 + 2 = 3 for you people who like numerology lol )

By doing these 3 things I feel that I will never respond emotionally because I will always be way ahead in the interaction and the person who controls the frame, and thus the underlying meaning of the interaction, will react the least and thus has higher value.

[Tackleberry]

Man great post.

I must say I am very impressed, because you have just summarized an automatic function that goes on every single time that I start an interaction with anybody.

I notice, and have come to see myself understanding this with much more clarity over the previous couple of months and mastering my emotions has been something that I have come attempt to master, an attempt to "own" my emotions.

What you did is basically summarized and mapped out the entire structure of a specific function that goes down everytime, for me at least, I start an interaction with someone, be it friend,foe, or unknown.

Furhtermore and to advance this topic just a tiny bit, I usually put labels on people and am quick to judge and categorize them as well, usually just after I clarify their social standing. I understand judging a book by its cover isnt neccesarily the right thing to do, but I trust my gut, I have good insticnts and I can read people extrodinarily well and doing this has not hurt me so far.

Happy hunting fellas, and again Play2Win great fucking post, keep'em coming brotha.

-Tackleshmackle.

[Bandito]

In my opinion this post is awesome in this way... I too have read Sinn's microcalibration thread a few times over and love it... but what I thought was it might take me a while to put his theory into practice because I AM an emotional person, and when I sit down and read the microcalibration theory it makes PERFECT sense... but I guess I'll just have to try not to react to emotionally and
see in "real time" what I need to do to "balance" out the interaction. This post fricking rocks because it actually gives a game plan for people like myself (i'm sure MANY others as well) to do just that....handle your emotions and make it easier to microcalibrate....

so since for me i've

1)Understand the microcalibration theory well...(if you don't I would read the sinn post above SEVERAL times and let it SINK in)

i would just need to

2) Have my canned responses ready (easier to not fall into reaction/emotion trap when you have something of this nature)

3)Control the frame (easier at this point probably with the above step, and if not DO IT anyway)

Excellent post...

My own thoughts on the Microcalibration ....

If you think about microcalibration it's a lot like dog training...really

her: IOD
you: IOD
Her: IOI
YOU: k, you get a treat for good behavior it's your IOI

nice playful mindset to have to to try to suck a bit of emotion out of your rational thought process on the field...sometimes i imagine patting them on the head as well haha. (just realized this is from DYD..sometimes you hear things and forget...then suddenly they are your "original" thoughts....hahaha this is just a CT then.)

GREAT frickin post, thanks for the thoughts bro.

~Bandito

I would actually suggest somehow piggybacking this to Sinn's post because I think it's very related and kind of the next logical step...don't know you guys work that though or if it's against the rules. I think it would help the community though.