My inner game is terrible, - help me

The Eternal Cowboy · #1 (**permalink**) 08-24-2008, 01:41 AM

I've been in this pick-up thing for almost a year now, and It feels like I've hit rock bottom. Let me tell you some tales of my life, so you can get a feel for me.

I hit puberty late, so I've always looked younger than most kids since 7th grade. I'm 19 now and this has haunted me, and made me feel inferior to other people my age. I walked into classrooms several time with kids commenting "how old is that kid," "he's a Senior?" In school I wouldn't raise my hand when who was asked a senior, because I knew somebody was going to remark about me not looking my age. Fuck those kids, but I"m not going to lie, that shit hurts sometimes. I'm even afraid these bad experiences has made me jaded towards people, and girls not liking me.

In my family this goes on too, every time my cousin and I would visit our grandparents, they would always remark about him growing so much, and then they would usually ask me how I was doing. I could always sense tension before they realized I hadn't gotten any taller.

In 8th grade I got chubby, and got made fun of, so I starved myself and got into better shape. My worst years came when I moved to a new state and started High School. Almost every kid looked older than me, and some of the kids made fun of me on the bus. My freshman year a kid said to all his friends, "you know who looks like there 2, is that kid Tom(me)," with me sitting right next to him. I starred in disbelief of what I heard, I felt like shit for the next 4 days.

I was then constantly in fear that my ego was going to crushed in high school, so I slept in class, got shitttyy grades and would sleep restlessly at night wondering why is all this shit is happening to me. That viscous cycle continued for the next 4 years of my life.

In tenth grade it got so bad, I tried committing suicide by downing Tylenol, but couldn't urge my self to take the last half of the bottle. I then realized I needed help, so I talked to my mom about a psychologist. I even talked to my dad who I'm very close to about my suicide attempt, and for some reason he got really pissed at me(maybe he doesn't understand what I was going through). I've never talked about it again with him, it's kind of an unresolved issue. The counselor was helpful, but defiantly not the magic pill. In 11th grade I finally started growing a little more, took a speech class, which the thought of everybody looking at me madee me anxious and nervous, and even challenged myself to be outspoken in a class.

I found out about the community, when my dad told me about this book he read about pick-up artists.(you guys know which one), Anyways I loved that book, I looked forward to reading it every day. I thought about trying out pick-up, but I thought that even if I knew these "Super Cool Routines," I still had no chance to get girls, when everybody says I look 14. My friend also said I didn't get laid in high school, because I looked like a little kid.

A year goes by and I graduate High school, which I didn't go to the graduation, because I would have felt embarrassed walking to my diploma, with the thoughts of everybody judging me. I watch the *** show, decide I'm going to get this girl shit fixed. I've love to challenge myself in any way. I remember my senior English Class, the whole class was talking and the topic of who is still a virgin got brought up, I raised my hand to challenge my ego. I felt good at first, then I thought about it and I felt like shit after.

2 months later I started practicing pick-up and this is where I"m at. I've done maybe 450 approaches my first year, and I have 1 make-out(which I didn't even really like the girl and then she talked shit about me being a terrible kisser) , no lays, the coolest thing I've done is grab a girls ass, Ya Awesome.....No. Right now I haven't approached in 3 weeks, my approach anxiety is still very high, and for some reason I still think about my worst blow-out 2 months ago.

I was in the mall and approached a 2 girls who looked about 16 years old to me. I think I went semi-direct and they laughed at me and walked away. My natural wing at the time went back to them, opened them and asked them why they were mean to me. They said something along the lines of "He looked like he was 13 years old." Its always funny when this blow-out situation happens. You can choose to have your friend tell you what they thought about you, and test your ego, or not even care. I decided to take the test and it crushed me. I felt like shit for the whole night.

A few weeks after I ditched a hb who was fb material, and my other possible fb started to lose attraction, after me saying some stupid shit. In my first year I think I've pretty decent progress for pick-up, in my situation. A year ago getting a girlfriend wasn't even in my reality. I'm worried Right now because I have no girls in my life, and I feel more lost than ever. I mean I want to be able to laugh at myself, have a girlfriend, get some self esteem, not wonder why a girl would even like me, not give a fuuck what people think of how I look, but for every push foward, it feels like I'm getting the same push back.

At wallmart I was replacing my game of madden and then the lady asked me if I had somebody with me. I said "What???," she said "do you have somebody 18 years old with you," I told her I was 18, and she said "Oh," I thought you were like 14 or 15 years old. I usually don't get that young, maybe it's the baggier clothes I was wearing, A guy at work commented I looked like a 6 year old in street clothes. I'm 19, kissed 1 girl, still a virgin, only seen 1 set of tits before(my friend Dustin's duff friend, really doesn't even count).

I read Tolle like it's my bible and I realize this shit is a illusion and the it's only my pain body, but it feels deep inside of me. I hate to bitch, but I feel like this has to be said. Has anyone gone through a bad subconscious feeling of hopelessness. I've pushed my comfort zone, had my reality crushed countless times, but I'm wondering If I will ever change, or even if I'm ready for pick-up.

Basically Yes · #2 (**permalink**) 08-24-2008, 02:26 AM

I like you're attitude. you sound like you're funny and really down to Earth and honest with yourself which is really refreshing.

Lemme tell you about being made fun of...never fight it. Don't ever get offended and/or argue about it or fire back at people. When someone makes fun of you for something...anything, you can look awesome if you agree, laugh at it, and have something even funnier to say about how you use it to your advantage.

My thing is i'm really fare complected. I've always been "made fun" of about it. I've learned to embrace it and use it to my advantage. Some of my openers is actually "stand close to me, I'll make you look tanner" "quick opinion,...should I fake bake?" and then I follow up with DHV's saying "my guy friends tell me I should get tan but the girls I hang out with say they love my fare skin..and honestly I like it..feel how soft it is" I have a bunch.

If someone says "man you're the whitest guy I've ever seen" I laugh and say "yes, you should see how white my ass is." or "I know I know...I'm sexy" or "uhh, I prefer Albino..thanks" I have tons of responses that are neverending. Please do say something about how white I am because you just opened up the door for me to make people laugh, show i'm unaffected and confident. It's not like everyone didn't already notice I'm a real white guy, now I just get to make them love me for it.

The point is, don't fight it because you won't win...instead roll with it. If someone says you look really young then here's some things off the top of my head that you can agree with them and say:

"I know it's awesome, when I'm 40 I'll be hooking up with 21 year olds"
"I know it's awesome, when I'm 40 I'll look 21."
"yeah it's awesome, I still get the childrens discounts at the movie theater"
"It's awesome, I can still date 9 year olds *rub hands together while wiggling eyebrows*"
"Yeah I know..I still get offered free candy by strangers in vans"
"yeah it's awesome, I'm still allowed in the ball crawl at chuck E cheeses..bitch!"
"I know! But it's weird because my cock is HUGE"
If someone says you look 9 tell them you're 8 1/2..etc etc.

Basically, don't get offended. Agree, laugh with them and don't make fun of them back. Say something that shows why it's awesome.

Address the situation..if you approach girls try an opener about your age. Maybe "quick opinion, how old do you think I look?" Point is, make it awesome. Love that you look young. Keep working out, don't get chubby again...keep opening to girls and learn how to make it work for you..don't try and do what has worked for other people. The basic layout of Magic Bullets method is a great guideline but make it your own and personalize it, keep being honest with yourself, analyze your game and make adjustments--you're on your way.

TheRogue · #3 (**permalink**) 08-24-2008, 02:37 AM

I'm no psychologist, but it sounds like your identity in life has been formed around the fact that you look younger than most of your peers, and this the root of your inner game crisis. I am sure many people here have had to deal with one thing or another that had a significant impact on their inner game (such as excessive weight, short stature, etc.) and will be able to offer you more advice on the topic.

I would start by reading Fader's post here.

As far as my 2 cents go:

1.) Have you checked with your doctor about why you're growing at a slower rate? This could be related to a hormone imbalance, which can be fixed. It could also be genetic, so do you know if your dad or your grandfather had the same issue?

2.) If you're just maturing at a slower rate, you won't be the way you are forever. I've known guys who looked like kids for a while, but they hit their mid- to late-twenties, and bam! They transform and start looking like MEN. It's just a matter of time.

3.) For now, work on improving your inner game. Have you ever tried taking martial arts? There is just something about them that gives you confidence, and knowing how to take out a guy twice your size is empowering, even if you never use that skill (and I don't recommend using it unless you have to).

4.) "Success is the best revenge." Whenever you have bad feelings from girls turning you down, or people making fun of you, channel them into something useful. I got teased quite a bit for my nationality back in junior high, but it only made me work harder towards my goals, and it didn't take long for people to lay off and start respecting me. Turning the negatives into positives will take you quite far in life.

Good luck!

Rogue

Optimistic1212 · #4 (**permalink**) 08-24-2008, 02:42 AM

Hey man,

As you said there seems to be some unresolved issues re the past that you need to sort out. I really don't think anyone is qualified to help sort deep issues from the past and you may want to get professional advice.

But in relation to practical steps that you could take re inner game:

1) The past is the past. Don't feel that what happened in the past has to continue. We can all change and you even said:

'In my first year I think I've pretty decent progress for pick-up, in my situation. A year ago getting a girlfriend wasn't even in my reality.'

I'm not here to kiss your ass and say you're great but you've obviously made progress. Yes its hard, yes you want a magic pill to get you there faster but you know already you're improving. Just keep moving forward.

2) You have a belief that you look too young to get girls. Yes, I hated it too. Always getting IDed and I used to feel too young. There is a saying in NLP that 'perception is projection'. If you feel you look too young then that will come across. You gotta feel you are fine the way you are, which is easier said than done. Read 'Psycho-Cybernetics' if you haven't already as it refers to how you see your self (self-image).

However, you even mentioned already areas that could improve this. ie. Clothes are baggy etc... then maybe get your fashion/grooming sorted to compliment you. You can do this on a budget.

3) Inner game books:
Power of Now (Yeah, I like the book too.)
Psycho-Cybernetics (If you haven't read this already, I think you would like this).
Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler

4) Social Anxiety

You seem to have a high amount of social anxiety. I feel many people can relate to this. Read that book above re overcoming social anxiety... and maybe my post here will help:

Social Cues – Tackling Approach Anxiety

I had a similar problem but I feel I've overcome it. But you need to consistently approach daily, even if its a basic approach. You mentioned you hadn't approached in 3 weeks and now you think you're back to square 1. Its not true. What you learnt from your interactions stays but AA is not the same! It comes back for revenge, so you need to just be consistent and keep your approaches up daily no matter how basic they are (ie asking for directions). And then increase the difficulty of your approach gradually. I didn't do this initially and started to get demotivated and didn't realise why. Now I know and I'm making sure it doesn't happen again.

Hope this stuff helps.

Optimistic