erg!! I keep getting the "I have a bf" line

[Cedar]

Originally Posted by Bilogomja

...deliver a direct opener ("excuse me, I saw you walking by, and I usually don't do this, but you're really cute and I'd like to find out more about you") and I keep getting the same responses "Oh, I'm engaged," "Thanks but I have a bf," "sorry my bf is right there [dude is facing us saying "whats going on?" giving me the bull dog glare]," etc.

Few things.

1. It's a shit test. You're coming off incongruent. She feels it, and she responds defensively. Keep practicing. Takes 20+ sets in short time before you get it.

2. Wrong mindset. Stop thinking about a girl as a chance to get laid. Think of her as a gateway to a new social circle. When she says she has a bf, you won't be phased. Cause all you want is to hang with her and her single friends to see if you like anything.

[young dubs]

to go off Cedar's second point.... you could just respond with...

"oh that's cool, you know I just moved up here and am tryin to meet some new people, and you looked interesting :-). Have you ever been to (say somethin that might be fun to go to with a lot of people, a new bar, downtown area or soemthing), I heard that place is a good time." Also if the BF is there, say hello and try to befriend him.

and then take the conversation as if you just want to meet some friends...it'll show good social intuition (ability to make friends and not be scared off by a BF comment)

thoughts/comments?


- dubs

[sys]

yeah just be congruent...if you say "excuse me, I saw you walking by, and I usually don't do this, but you're really cute and I'd like to find out more about you" you must not say it just with your words, but also with your nonverbal communication.

i just realized it after my 5 times approach in day time and it does really make difference. just try it.

[trackfire]

Some tips from a new guy who's been doing this A LOT:

1. Try not approaching from behind.

This really creeps them out. You want to try for the girls that are in front of you, and "break into their space."

This is why I think you will get much better responses asking for directions from someone in front of you than someone behind you. It's just way too invasive.

I have heard that with the right body language, you can generate BOATLOADS of attraction using a Direct Opener from behind. That's pretty much completely misaligned with my style, so I simply don't do it.

2. Don't use Direct Openers if you don't mean them.

Preferably, I like to avoid beauty and such things in an opener, especially with better-looking women (since they hear this WAY too often). It's probably best delivered with the right body language; I don't know what this is, hence the reason why I haven't tried it.

What IS more successful is asking them about something completely random, but relevant. Something like cooking, housework, etc. etc. They will be more than glad to help (and talk) to you. Essentially, treat them like normal people, and they will open up to you.

[MrA]

Hey, first of all drop the direct approach, most women don't feel comftable being picked up in the street. I would go in with an indirect approach like ''Hey, im looking for a b-day gift for my gf and was just wondering..." this way you can disqualify yourself as a potential tagerts whos signs of pre-selection and then you can phase into the topic of her status by saying "if you bought your bf a (item) for his b-day do you think he'd be happy'' she may not give you a clear idea if she has a bf or not but theres a chance you will find out.

keep practicing the more you do the more natural it will become and the more confidence you will gain and it would be a good idea to debrief or keep a diary on your days perfomance and focus on your weakpoints. hope to hear some feedback soon.