"There is a ______ in __ days, and I need some ______ so I can _____."
I've been a member of this forum for a few months now. And I find that a lot of guys join the forum, spend a few weeks lurking, then finally let their voices be heard. Unfortunately for them, the sudden outburst is usually the product of some event drawing near and they've panicked because they want to have game and use it at said event.
The problem is that these guys get what they deserve. We reply to them that this forum is not the place for such quick fixes and emergency problems. Recently, we've begun to send them to the Worst Of section. Although these noobs are wasting the time of members, and the space on this forum, I feel we are misrepresenting this community and doing the noob a disservice by responding to their posts in this way.
This community is meant for learning and comradery, in my opinion. We share and learn and encourage each other's development. These lurking noobs are here for a reason. They want to be part of that, though their efforts are misguided. They see our successes and our vast knowledge, and believe that it was easy to acquire or that it can be gained simply through posting here. We berate them for that frame of mind and they leave the community with a false impression of its principles.
I propose that we show them what the community is really about. I propose that we arm them for their first sarge, the best we can, and let them see the results of subtle change. Then they will grasp the concept of 'in-field' learning and study their asses off trying to gain more tools.
So, to every noob who needs an instant-win formula for that party/date/banquet/night out, here you go:
How to Learn Pick Up in 2 Days!
1)
Buy the Venusian Arts Handbook. Read through Chapter 1 and 2, but no further. If you read further, you will only confuse yourself and impede your learning. Reading the first two chapters will awaken you to social dynamics and create an awareness in your interactions that will allow you to learn. Resist the temptation to read more, exercise your willpower and wait! You can read the rest after your first sarge.
2)
Upgrade your appearance. Get a haircut. Visit a tanning booth (just once, for now). Buy a new shirt. Buy new cologne. Clean/polish/buy new shoes. Clip your nails. Exfoliate. Consult a female friend for help with all of the above. If she doesn't jump at the chance, you picked the wrong female friend.
3)
Upgrade your personality. No, you are not a loser. Your personality is fine, you just need to dust off the cool parts and polish the thing.
A) Call someone who loves you. Ask them why they love you. This will put you in a good mood.
B) Watch/listen to/read your favorite film/song/book. Whatever gets you feeling good, preferably something that makes you smile.
C) Think of someone you admire. List the qualities that you admire about them. Then be those qualities. We admire the things that we have the capacity to be, but lack the motivation or tools to be them.
4)
Have something to talk about. A) OK, so you've done something cool in the last year. What was it? Why did you love it? How did it affect you permanently?
B) Have a cool question ready. Remember the last question somebody asked you that made you think and then you talked for hours with them about it? Arm yourself with a question or two like that. When conversations slow down, ask that question.
5)
Hit the gym. No, you're not going to get buffed up in two days. Full-body exercise will help your posture, get your blood moving, and improve your mood. Standing straighter, restoring blood to that pallid, keyboard-jockey complexion, and heightening your senses will have a transforming effect on your social value.
6)
Relax. After only two day's preparation, you will lack sufficient skill to select and approach specific targets. Therefore, you should not be concerned with meeting women, nor should you expect to close one at all! Instead go in with the intention of being social, interacting with a variety of people, and generally having a good time. Clear your mind of any expected outcomes tonight. There aren't likely to be any. 1 in 100 of you will close a girl, but that is rare, and actually a bad thing, as it reinforces poor techinique.
7)
Come back to the forum and finish the VAH. You can't learn pick up in 2 days! But if you followed steps 1 through 6, you now have sufficient evidence that you can learn it! Read anything and everything. Do the newbie mission. Post on the forum. You are on your way. Good luck.
**Note to all noobs** If you don't follow my advice, don't blame me if you don't see results. The advice I have given you was simply consolidated by me, I didn't originate these ideas. I hope what I have learned helps you make your time in this community productive, and less annoying to the members of the Forum.
Cheers,
Rain
EDIT: Please read the disclaimer 4 posts below this if you are an experienced member. 
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How to Learn Pick Up in 2 Days! 
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