Lifestyle of Seduction

[Cedar]

To my disappointment, Mystery Method doesn't teach a man how to bring an abundance of women into his life. MM teaches how to approach people in a bar or nightclub. They demonstrate this live and in field. They develop DVDs and ebooks to further that knowledge from meet to sex.
But they don't cover relationships. Or lifestyle.
Dissatisfaction
Dissatisfaction is what drives men to MM. They do not feel successful with women. They either do not have enough women in their life, or the quality is not what it could be. Approaching women in bars and nightclubs won't fix that.
Because bars and nightclubs are the practice grounds for becoming social. The instructors focus their time and effort in these environments to maintain their skill level. It's not the lifestyle for most people.
The forum is inundated with guys that want to fuck strippers, for example. These are 9 to 5 IT gents. That wants strippers. Is that realistic? No. A stripper doesn't understand what an IT guy does. There's no place for you in her world. No benefit for alignment. Her hours are opposite yours.
It can be done. But your game has to be amazingly tight. And I question what fulfilment this brings to either of you. The guy has fallen into a mindset of wanting something without considering the reality of his desire.
Dissatisfaction. A man understands his dissatisfaction with women is not a woman's issue. It was the man's choice to pursue a life that women do not understand. Or desire. The man did not realize the ramifications. Women were not the forefront concern.
This is not a dissatisfaction with women. It's a dissatisfaction with your social life. Which does not include the quantity or quality of women you would prefer.
Lifestyle
How does one change their lifestyle? Tough question. No single answer. Let's consider the nightlife angle. Assuming you work 9 to 5, go to bars and nightclubs Thur-Sat and practice talking to people. That includes girls.
Find the girls you gravitate towards. Learn what you can of their lives. But do not think of them as indivuals. Think of them as trends. Looks for patterns in these girls. Their age. Where they live. Where they work. Where they hang out.
Emesh yourself in their world, and release your grip on your own. One year ago, I owned the second largest Dungeons and Dragons website in the world. Wanna guess what I DON'T OWN anymore? Gone. Done. I have systematically removed from my life my geeky pleasures. My hobbies. And anything that I feel detracted from the lifestyle I desire.
Lifestyle. Lifestyle is how you live your existence. It's the world you find yourself in. It's your day to day life. Living in the suburbs, playing DnD on Mondays and hitting the bar on Thursdays isn't the lifestyle I want. I moved a few blocks from the bar. I eliminated my geeky pursuits, keeping only one. And building a grounding routine into it. I no longer seek commonalities with girls. I seek differences. They tell me their passions and their dreams. And I learn from them.
I joined a social club (running) one night a week. I joined a monthly singles networking group. I'm a fringe member of two social groups that gather on Thursdays (one for bars, one for nightclubs). I'm discussing party promotions with a few individuals.
And I am seeing women more cultured than myself. They're introducing me to new things. I'm not sleeping with them. I'm letting them guide me to their world. So I can sleep with girls like them.
I'm no longer with my wife, btw. Separated. The lifestyle that fulfils me isn't the life of a married man. I let it go.
Social Circle
I've dated five women in six weeks. None of them were a cold approach. They were social circle. How do you build a social circle? You find people you like and you hang out with them. Sounds easy. But takes time.
And it takes the social skills you built during the newbie mission. Which I, embarrassingly enough, never completed to my satisfaction. It's the reason I push it so hard. I did my time, but I never opened the number of sets I should have. I pushed every set as hard as I could. Which means 1-2 hour long sets.
I made a lot of friends doing this. I went nonsexual for awhile, dropping comments about my wife. This was back in December and January. Every friend I have in my life today with two exceptions stems from those two months in one way or another.
The exceptions? Retail clerks. You become a regular at a retail shop. You make a friend. You run game. Qualify. DHV. Comfort. All of it. They love you. You invite them out and you see them socially every week or so.
They introduce you to their circle of friends. And your circle grows.
How do you build your social circle? You don't. You find established circles. You befriend as much of it as you can. And you get invited to hang. No reason to build your own. Establish yourself as the cool guy in a few circles and the works done for you. You get introduced to new guys and girls every time you go out.
And cold approach becomes something you practice. Not something you require. Because the social circle are people that exist within your reality. The hot chicks in the bar aren't in your world. They exist in their own. And unless you want to assimilate, you're unlikely to benefit from their acquaintance.
Unless all you want is a quickie in the backseat of your 52 Chevy.
Possibilities
Respect power and authority. Respect each other. I see a lot of guys learn game. And immediately reach for things they didn't know existed. Not because it fulfils them. Because its suddenly possible. Take threesomes. This doesn't exist in the reality of most people.
But guys find out its possible and IMEDIATELY make it a goal and priority in their life. And they often fail to achieve it. Because its not their reality. It's not congruent with who they are. But its possible, so they want it.
Back to strippers. Strippers are possible for all of us. And unrealistic for most of us. Recognize that your reality and hers must overlap for a relationship to be fulfilling. Respect that she has non sexual needs. Fulfil these needs and sex becomes a given. An after thought.
Remove it as a goal. Focus on fun. Focus on fulfilment. Focus on the lifestyle that provides both. Not the activities.
Share the Joy
We are a selfish race by nature. We must take care of our personal needs before we can care for others. Don't become consumed with the first to the detriment of the second. Care for others. Stop selfish pursuits when they involve another.
Don't hit the bar for a one night stand. Give the gift of a one night stand. Allow this beautiful woman at the bar the opportunity to connect with another human being and satisfy her physical needs. If only for a night.
Of course you get laid. But as a side dish. Not as a main dish. The main dish is what you offer her. Connection. No strings. Sex is secondary to satisfying her needs. It's secondary to the value you bring to the interaction.
Satisfy HER selfish desires.
Share the Joy. The activity doesn't matter. It's the emotion it invokes. I can talk DnD to a girl and get her to jump me. I don't. But I have. Because there was once passion for that activity.
If I play Rummy with a girl, I'm not sharing the activity of Rummy with her. I'm sharing a grounding routine of learning cards from my Grandmother. The joy of spending time with my mother, my aunts and my grandmother on a cool summer day over lemonade. Dropping cards and counting points while the boys went off and did their thing.
I'm sharing the emotion the activity invokes. The activity is meaningless. Bring this mentality into everything you do with the girl. I don't want to watch Sex in the City with my new girl. I want to watch her enjoy it. I want her to share that emotion with me. Not the experience.
And activities become less important. Time becomes important. Memories become important. Learn to find emotion is everything, and convey it to her. Be a child and experience the wonder in EVERYTHING.
Consumption
Don't allow seduction to consume you. There's no world for the man consumed in one thing. Allow is to guide you into a new existence. Steer your boat with the knowledge and experience you attain. Not with the possibilities of things you read. But with what you know to fulfil you.
Because you're experienced. You've been in field. Books and DVDs are worthless. They point you in a direction. None of you would need game if you lived a life full of beautiful women. You might learn it to improve your options. But you wouldn't need it.
Recognize it’s your life that is the issue. Knowledge leads to experience. Experience to skill. And skill to a new life. Recognize that your life MUST change if your results do not satisfy you. Don't expect to hit the bar on Saturdays and get yourself new girls. Those aren't real girls. Not consistently.
Consume what you need as a temporary measure. Exert your 110% effort to begin your journey. But don't leave the afterburners on. Reach your altitude and coast. Keep your skills fresh. Designate a bar night. Don't get comfortable. And recognize your goals as something to fulfil you.
Reach for those goals that are congruent with the reality you intend to live. Not merely in what's possible.
Peace out.

[ParaDoX]

I agree with a lot of what's said, but not entirely about changing what you do in your life as a means to enjoyments.
As you mentioned, as I guess is true of a lot of people in the community, I work in IT, I'm 26 now and wrote my first program on a BBC B aged 8 (and saved it to a cassette :P). I like Star Trek, Star Wars, the Matrix and anything with a 'power on' button. I enjoy online games, CCGs and most other 'geeky' activities.
But I don't think changing them would do me any good. When I go out, I don't look or sound or act like the person the above interests would lead you to envisage. I've an unhealthy addiction to cars and car audio, I play lots of sport and really enjoy DJing and break dancing.
When I hit the clubs or the bars the only time my geek side shows is when I use my P910i to check what a line means during a palm reading etc.
What I'm trying to get at, I think, is that what you're into doesn't matter. What DOES matter is how you portray that to other people. If someone asks what I do, after the guessing games, I'm proud to admit I'm "probably the biggest geek they'll meet this year". Like most of the rest of the stuff we learn in game, it's something that sets me apart from the crowd. I know what will bore them, I know what will amaze them (showing them my house in real time from my phone is a definate DHV!) and it's that knowledge that's important.
I agree with everything else Cedar says, but no that your current pursuits and a life you want need to be too different, cos at the end of the day, doing what you want, when you want makes you happy. The times you're unhappy that you can't get what you want (say an HB) should be outweighed by the fun you get winning at Half Life... but doing the later shouldn't hinder the former.

[Vapor]

As you mentioned, as I guess is true of a lot of people in the community, I work in IT, I'm 26 now and wrote my first program on a BBC B aged 8 (and saved it to a cassette :P). I like Star Trek, Star Wars, the Matrix and anything with a 'power on' button. I enjoy online games, CCGs and most other 'geeky' activities.

If you come to the point where you are trying to have relationships with 9's and 10's, you're going to have to make a choice between these hobbies and dating those women. You can't have your cake and eat it off hot ass. 10's don't date Trekkies. The DQ'ing may work for a little while, but not much farther.
The ONLY guys I know of who have fufilling relationships with these women, community or not, have lifestyles very congruent with dating them.

[sting]

Cedar,
the post reminds me of neil strauss' social robots piece. good advice, but is it REALISTIC?
a master pick-up artist telling desperate AFC's "hey, its no big deal, just live your lives"? the AFC's are thinking "easy for you to say, you fat cat!"
all the logic in the world isn't going to get us manly men away from dreaming about threesomes and strippers.
the only thing that might do the trick is if we've been there and done that. otherwise, it'll always be there.
after i started getting good, thats what drove me. i didn't want to be 50 year old man with a 47 year old wife, who thinks of 19 year old cheerleaders all day. i figure if i did me a few cheerleaders then, then when i'm fifty i could just enjoy being fifty.
and i agree - it fails to thrill afterawhile. but you'll never be able to convince someone who hasn't been there about it.
"show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and i'll show you a man whose tired of sleeping with her"

[Con]

I started the newbie mission and started getting good at it. Things went better in the field for me and my friends could see it. While I was reading posts every day trying to get ready for the night one cool guy was making friends with me and every one I knew and at the same time was introducing to us his friends who happened to be very interesting guys.
He was really into us and wanted to go out with me or my friends. He was really enjoying meeting and getting to know me and everyone else. He was really cool when it came to girls also. He didnt separate them from the guys. Actually he preferred to go out with the guys. I was focused on completing the newbie mission, so I had fun with him when I had free time.
I had my first kiss-close from cold approach at that time and I was pretty proud of my self! The same time he had the time of his life with everyone and had gotten a girlfriend from our social circle! Me and him also gotten closer shared secrets about girls and had the best time of our lives when going out! His new girlfriend couldnt get enough of him.
My point is this:I kiss-closed a girl and thought of it as a big deal (which it kind of was) but
-while I was in front of the computer reading, writing techniques, practicing new stuff from the forum -------------HE just had the time of his life!
-While I felt proud going out and acting cool, having girls attention, meeting new girls out of the blue and surprising everyone with my new skills he was loved by everyone!
-Every night I came back home alone trying to figure out what went right or wrong. He came back with his new girlfriend who couldnt wait to make love to him.
I really felt good for him there is no envy here. And of course what I did really helped me. But it was not so human as what he did which was natural. It really put me into some thought.
I decided that the skills that we learn here ARE GOLD. But they are not subtitutes to our normal life. I want to learn everything that this forum has to offer so that I can go out and meet a girl whenever I want to. BUT after I meet her I cant hide. I cant be awkward in my own social circle and hide it from her. I get better socially becoming a pua AND dealing successfully with people in my everyday life which is as difficult, if not more.

[Ryan]

Very nice thread. I've always wondered about MM - it teaches you how to get the girl...but not how to keep her!
One thing in regards to your DnD obsession. Don't let your hobbies define you. You're not a DnD'er - you are simply a guy who likes to play it. There is more ot you than your hobbies...so don't feel the need to remove any of them in order to change yourself. Your interests are not you after all.
That aside...put this in the best of. It has my vote!

[Sovereign]

Cedar,
We've had our differences and argued on a lot of issues. I have to say that this is both the best and worst post of yours that I have read. You took the time to write it, and I will take the time to give it a detailed response.

Originally Posted by Cedar

To my disappointment, Mystery Method doesn't teach a man how to bring an abundance of women into his life. MM teaches how to approach people in a bar or nightclub. They demonstrate this live and in field. They develop DVDs and ebooks to further that knowledge from meet to sex.
But they don't cover relationships. Or lifestyle.

Not sure why this is to your disappointment. The VAH makes it clear that MM covers courtship, and specifically a roughly 7 hour block of it. However, what MM does (or rather SHOULD do) is give one a mindset better suited to have an LTR.
Although, I do agree that there is a void in the knowledge available to this community for guys who finally have found that 'one' girl and want to settle down. Many of them are stuck in the M3 model and can't find their way out.

Originally Posted by Cedar

Disatisfaction
Disatisfaction is what drives men to MM. They do not feel successful with women. They either do not have enough women in their life, or the quality is not what it could be. Approaching women in bars and nightclubs won't fix that.

I would say a desire to 'better oneself' and to become more socially adept is what drives men to MM. That and of course the desire to sleep with 10's, although that goes hand in hand with bettering oneself.

Originally Posted by Cedar

Because bars and nightclubs are the practice grounds for becoming social. The instructors focus their time and effort in these environments to maintain their skill level. It's not the lifestyle for most people.
The forum is inundated with guys that want to fuck strippers, for example. These are 9 to 5 IT gents. That wants strippers. Is that realistic? No. A stripper doesn't understand what an IT guy does. There's no place for you in her world. No benefit for alignment. Her hours are opposite yours.

Agreed. However, is this because of who the IT is? Or simply how the IT ACTS? I will elaborate in a bit.

Originally Posted by Cedar

It can be done. But your game has to be amazingly tight. And I question what fulfillment this brings to either of you. The guy has fallen into a mindset of wanting something without considering the reality of his desire.

You are trying to build an argument here that wanting the HB10 stripper type is NOT want you really want based on who YOU are. However, what if this desire is based on who you WANT TO BE? As you stated, dissatisfaction is what drove people here.

Originally Posted by Cedar

Disatisfaction. A man understands his disatisfaction with women is not a woman's issue. It was the man's choice to pursue a life that women do not understand. Or desire. The man did not realize the ramifications. Women were not the forefront concern.

I disagree. What choice? Many guys were brought up in a social environment that was not conducive to becoming 'Alpha' or 'socially successful'. Perhaps they had geeky parents, perhaps they were poor and couldn't afford the right clothes, etc. As a result they experience social rejection. Many men, mistakenly than take that anger out on women and practice misogyny. However, while it isn't the woman's fault for not wanting to belong to your reality, it also isn't the guy's fault for turning out as he did. It is only his fault for not changing it if he wants to.

Originally Posted by Cedar

This is not a disatisfaction with women. It's a disatisfaction with your social life. Which does not include the quantity or quality of women you would prefer.

Agreed

Originally Posted by Cedar

Lifestyle
How does one change their lifestyle? Tough question. No single answer. Let's consider the nightlife angle. Assuming you work 9 to 5, go to bars and nightclubs Thur-Sat and practice talking to people. That includes girls.
Find the girls you gravitate towards. Learn what you can of their lives. But do not think of them as indivuals. Think of them as trends. Looks for patterns in these girls. Their age. Where they live. Where they work. Where they hang out.
Emesh yourself in their world, and release your grip on your own. One year ago, I owned the second largest Dungeons and Dragons website in the world. Wanna guess what I DON'T OWN anymore? Gone. Done. I have systematically removed from my life my geeky pleasures. My hobbies. And anything that I feel detracted from the lifestyle I desire.

I am terribly sorry to hear this. I think this is a HUGE mistake you will regret. Changing your life, is about changing your MINDSET and how you ACT. It does not mean leaving behind passions because you see them as some sort of social albatross around your neck! Some of the most socially successful guys I know, all have their hobbies and their passions, which are completely not congruent with how the PRESENT themselves.

Originally Posted by Cedar

Lifestyle. Lifestyle is how you live your existance. It's the world you find yourself in. It's your day to day life. Living in the suburbs, playing DnD on Mondays and hitting the bar on Thursdays isn't the lifestyle I want. I moved a few blocks from the bar. I eliminated my geeky pursuits, keeping only one. And building a grounding routine into it. I no longer seek commonalities with girls. I seek differences. They tell me their passions and their dreams. And I learn from them.

You seem to feel that before this ephiany of yours that you were living a double life. One the one hand there you were rolling the 20-sided die, and on the other you were having threesomes with hot girls. They are not mutually exclusive Cedar, I hope one day you will see that.

Originally Posted by Cedar

I joined a social club (running) one night a week. I joined a monthly singles networking group. I'm a fringe member of two social groups that gather on Thursdays (one for bars, one for nightclubs). I'm discussing party promotions with a few individuals.

Excellent.

Originally Posted by Cedar

And I am seeing women more cultured than myself. They're introducing me to new things. I'm not sleeping with them. I'm letting them guide me to their world. So I can sleep with girls like them.
I'm no longer with my wife, btw. Seperated. The lifestyle that fulfills me isn't the life of a married man. I let it go.

Again, knowing that you have a kid, I am terribly sorry to hear this. It is beginning to sound more like a mid-life crisis than someone trying to make his lifestyle match his desires. I do agree that learning from the women you are with is something that should be stressed more often.

Originally Posted by Cedar

Social Circle
And cold approach becomes something you practice. Not somethign you require. Because the social circle are people that exist within your reality. The hot chicks in the bar aren't in your world. They exist in their own. And unless you want to assimilate, you're unlikely to benefit from their aquaintence.
Unless all you want is a quickie in the backseat of your 52 Chevy.

I agreed with everything you said about social circles until this point. Yes, you can build social circles the way you mentioned, and you can also go out and meet new people using a cold approach as well. Or you can do both. It is really up to the individual. But when you say the 'hot chicks at the bar aren't your world' I definitely disagree.
We all have different roles, and they are not all congruent with each other. One doesn't act the same way around his friends as he does around his family. You don't behave at work as you do when you are in a club. The is no 'YOUR WORLD', there is no spoon Cedar. There is no one thing, or one desire that defines us. You can be all these things at once. What matters is how you feel about yourself, your confidence, your dreams, your goals. Not that during the day you are programming some video game and at night you are doing coke off the stomach of a stripper. In fact, I think such a duality is actually a person who has truly come to terms with who they are. A complex, wonderful person who lets no one thing define him.

Originally Posted by Cedar

Possabilities
Repect power and authority. Respect each other. I see a lot of guys learn game. And immediately reach for things they didn't know existed. Not because it fulfills them. Because its suddenly possible. Take threesomes. This doesn't exist in the reality of most people.
But guys find out its possible and IMEDIATELY make it a goal and priority in their life. And they often fail to achieve it. Because its not their reality. It's not congruent with who they are. But its possible, so they want it.

Yes, they don't acheive it. Not because they can't or because it isn't within their reach. It is because their mindset remains unaltered. Without changing your mindset, learning MM is like learning how to drive but being blindfolded. You will not get very far.

Originally Posted by Cedar

Back to strippers. Strippers are possible for all of us. And unrealistic for most of us. Recognize that your reality and hers must overlap for a relationship to be fulfilling. Respect that she has non sexual needs. Fulfill these needs and sex becomes a given. An after thought.
Remove it as a goal. Focus on fun. Focus on fulfillment. Focus on the lifestyle that provides both. Not the activites.

I doubt anyone here is saying, "I want a fufilling long term relationship with a stripper named Candy" Most guys just want to fuck a stripper, because to them that is the ultimate in Alpha Male status. It is a validation to them. That's all. Don't read too much into it.

Originally Posted by Cedar

Share the Joy
We are a selfish race by nature. We must take care of our personal needs before we can care for others. Don't become consumed with the first to the detriment of the second. Care for others. Stop selfish pursuits when they involve another.
Don't hit the bar for a one night stand. Give the gift of a one night stand. Allow this beautiful woman at the bar the opportunity to connect with another human being and satisfy her physical needs. If only for a night.
Of course you get laid. But as a side dish. Not as a main dish. The main dish is what you offer her. Connection. No strings. Sex is secondary to satisfying her needs. It's secondary to the value you bring to the interaction.
Satisfy HER selfish desires.
Share the Joy. The activity doesn't matter. It's the emotion it invokes. I can talk DnD to a girl and get her to jump me. I don't. But I have. Because there was once passion for that activity.
If I play Rummy with a girl, I'm not sharing the activity of Rummy with her. I'm sharing a grounding routine of learning cards from my Grandmother. The joy of spending time with my mother, my aunts and my grandmother on a cool summer day over lemonade. Dropping cards and counting points while the boys went off and did their thing.
I'm sharing the emotion the activity invokes. The activity is meaningless. Bring this mentality into everything you do with the girl. I don't want to watch Sex in the City with my new girl. I want to watch her enjoy it. I want her to share that emotion with me. Not the experience.
And activites become less important. Time becomes important. Memories become important. Learn to find emotion is everything, and convey it to her. Be a child and experience the wonder in EVERYTHING.

Agreed! Nicely said Cedar.

Originally Posted by Cedar

Consumption
Don't allow seduction to consume you. There's no world for the man consumed in one thing. Allow is to guide you into a new existance. Steer your boat with the knowledge and experience you attain. Not with the possabilities of things you read. But with what you know to fulfill you.
Because you're experienced. You've been in field. Books and DVDs are worthless. They point you in a direction. None of you would need game if you lived a life full of beautiful women. You might learn it to improve your options. But you wouldn't need it.
Recognize its your life that is the issue. Knowledge leads to experience. Experience to skill. And skill to a new life. Recognize that your life MUST change if your results do not satisfy you. Don't expect to hit the bar on Saturdays and get yourself new girls. Those aren't real girls. Not consistently.
Consume what you need as a temporary measure. Exert your 110% effort to begin your journey. But don't leave the afterburners on. Reach your altitude and coast. Keep your skills fresh. Designate a bar night. Don't get comofrtable. And recognize your goals as something to fulfill you.
Reach for those goals that are congruent with the reality you intend to live. Not merely in what's possible.
Peace out.

I both agree and disagree with this last section. Many guys are still exploring out there, and have not reached the point where they can say, "You know what, I don't need to get new girls this Sat." They are stilling saying, "Why am I still a virgin????" You do need to change your life Cedar, but that does not mean sacrificing your passions or the things that make up who you are. It just means you need to repackage yourself, change your mindset and outlook, and present a person to the world that is desirable.
I hope this works out for you, truly I do.
With love,

[steerpike]

Well, I loved Cedar's post AND Sovereign's counter-points. A lot of good observations in both.
My own quest is to reinvent myself (some of which amounts to Sovereign's repackaging and some of which is genuine, profound changes in my mind, body and pursuits) while still keeping touch with some of the nerdy stuff that defines me. I'm having a lot of fun exploring the delicate balancing and strange bedfellow situations that arise from this.
I am adding an abundance of women to a life that already brings a lot of satisfaction to me, like adding rich whipped cream to an already delicious and fragrant slice of cake. Sure, I have to make some changes in my lifestyle. I won't meet any women sitting at home playing DnD online, but I can do that one night a week and then take dance lessons, work on expanding my social circle, spending time with friends and just plain meeting new people the rest of the week. It really just amounts to an "all things in moderation" mindset. You can successfully diet and still have a hot fudge sundae--but as an occasional treat, not a daily dessert.
And I certainly won't open a set with "Hey, wanna come play DnD with me?" because I've calibrated my social skills enough to know it's not a good idea. Will she find out I play later on? Maybe. Probably. Does it really matter? By then, she'll have discovered several of my non-nerdy pursuits, friends and values, and she can giggle about my nerdy pursuit (I'm not insecure about it) while still admiring my overall emotional maturity and my ability to arouse those emotions she loves having aroused.
Can I slay dragons online and then conjure fluttering clouds of butterflies in her innermost being? I'm betting I can.

[Vincent Chase]

Originally Posted by Cedar

To my disappointment, Mystery Method doesn't teach a man how to bring an abundance of women into his life. MM teaches how to approach people in a bar or nightclub. They demonstrate this live and in field. They develop DVDs and ebooks to further that knowledge from meet to sex.

MM teaches you the skills needed to Find Meet Attract and Close women. Yes I know that's hte "old model" but that's what he taught at the first seminar and that's what they're all still teaching. The relationship itself isn't important to them, it's getting the girls over keeping them.
That is their lifestyle, you'll have to have that before you can consider bringing a variety of women into your life and keeping them. It's a start point and there are many, many layers. A BC would be 5-6 days if they covered any more ground than they already do.
I suppose it would be safe to assume that they want you to evolve as a PUA and develop the skills to what you want to accomplish.
[quote]
But they don't cover relationships. Or lifestyle.[quote]
It doesn't fit into the business plan, besides. The more general they are the more they appeal to a broader audience. Why should they tell you how to live a specific lifestyle, rather then let you develop your own?

Dissatisfaction
Disatisfaction is what drives men to MM. They do not feel successful with women. They either do not have enough women in their life, or the quality is not what it could be. Approaching women in bars and nightclubs won't fix that.

It is impossible to deny that it isn't a boon. Approaching people PERIOD regardless of venue is going to help you build relationships with the number and type of women you want.

Because bars and nightclubs are the practice grounds for becoming social. The instructors focus their time and effort in these environments to maintain their skill level. It's not the lifestyle for most people.

MM applies to me and though I do practice Night game the majority of my PU is done in Day Game, AWAY from bars and nightclubs and the like. Mystery Method and various forms of PU are not dependent on location, or structure/business type. MM can be applied to virtually ANY lifestyle, by virtually ANYONE, ANYWHERE.

The forum is inundated with guys that want to fuck strippers, for example. These are 9 to 5 IT gents. That wants strippers. Is that realistic? No. A stripper doesn't understand what an IT guy does. There's no place for you in her world. No benefit for alignment. Her hours are opposite yours.

I find this unusual too. If these people KNEW strippers they wouldn't want them. I think that wanting to fuck strippers is somewhat like a "phase" they are the supposed essence of superficial beauty, they are objects of lust and are designed to be so, therefore it isn't entirely unusual but I find women outside of the sexual professions much more appealing for sexual activity.

It can be done. But your game has to be amazingly tight. And I question what fulfillment this brings to either of you. The guy has fallen into a mindset of wanting something without considering the reality of his desire.
Disatisfaction. A man understands his disatisfaction with women is not a woman's issue. It was the man's choice to pursue a life that women do not understand. Or desire. The man did not realize the ramifications. Women were not the forefront concern.

Women should not be at the forefront of your concern.

This is not a disatisfaction with women. It's a disatisfaction with your social life. Which does not include the quantity or quality of women you would prefer.

I agree that many many misidentify their problems as errors with women when in fact it is a disaffection with their life situation. Their vexed nature leads them to identify things they could improve and one of the most glaring, especially hen your lust is tugging at your zipper, is a lack or distaste for the women they've had, or not had or WISHED they had.

Lifestyle
How does one change their lifestyle? Tough question. No single answer. Let's consider the nightlife angle. Assuming you work 9 to 5, go to bars and nightclubs Thur-Sat and practice talking to people. That includes girls.

What happened to Bars and Clubs not being the lifestyle for most people? Just joshing you. =]
The obvious question is "If bar's and Clubs obviously don't fit into my lifestyle then where SHOULD I go?" Easy. In addition to what Cedar mentions in the passage below (which I haven't read yet, I've only glanced words from my peripheral vision, so i'm sure there will be overlap) I would suggest finding women you are attracted to, build a "type" for yourself.
Do you prefer Brunettes? Okay cool. How about what they like, Art? Cool. How about height? You like shorter chicks? Okay. So on and so forth. I caught something below, "trends" the things you tend to go for more than not, you might approach 10 girls and realize that 7 of the 10 you approached had smaller breasts but bigger more filled rears. That might be something you subconsciously go for, keep that in mind.
When you talk to these women, find out where they go, what they do, how they live THEIR lives, then you must assimilate YOUR lifestyle into the lifestyle that these women hold. You must go to the places they go and so forth.

Find the girls you gravitate towards. Learn what you can of their lives. But do not think of them as indivuals. Think of them as trends. Looks for patterns in these girls. Their age. Where they live. Where they work. Where they hang out.
Emesh yourself in their world, and release your grip on your own. One year ago, I owned the second largest Dungeons and Dragons website in the world. Wanna guess what I DON'T OWN anymore? Gone. Done. I have systematically removed from my life my geeky pleasures. My hobbies. And anything that I feel detracted from the lifestyle I desire.

What Cedar didn't tell you is that he INSTEAD became obsessed with DragonLance and GURPS freestyle games. =]
If you want a certain type of women you must realize that your worlds cannot COLLIDE, they must MESH. You do not have to abolish the lifestyle you live but you MUST adopt traits they find attractive and scale down ones they do not.
I have a thread on self perception, it's supposed to be part of a series but I keep writing MORE and MORE and it seems like it might not make it as a series of threads, there's 30 pages of it so far, all on Identity, how to manipulate your identity have an attractive one, a strong one and so forth. I walked into Masters hotel room and after one minute of being there he turns to GameBoy and say's, "I have a feeling you're holding back but he's being real."
You have to exude YOURSELF as WELL the self you want to become.
Think of yourself as a gem, one with many facets, why so many? Because each facet represent every possible potential trait that makes up the whole of you. Currently some faces of you are covered and some potentials, possible "selfs" have actually been ground down, they are still there but they appear destroyed.
You must identify the people you want to associate with. Then identify what they like in their gems and what they dislike. sand away the facets the buyer doesn't want and adopt the ones they enjoy, become an ideal while still maintaining the core, you, the gem as a cohesive whole.
I've been in field for 6 months. Look on my myspace and you'll see people I met 8 months ago saying things like "Wow you've changed so much." "Damn you're looking good now." and etc... i've whittled away at "false identities" what I thought made me who i was but in fact didn't. I found my true self and was then free to build my ideal self, I'm not there yet but I'm getting there. YOU TOO must under-go this process. It's one I call Self Appropriation, you must tailor yourself to how you want to be perceived and to whom you want to align with, male, female, child, adult.

Lifestyle. Lifestyle is how you live your existance. It's the world you find yourself in. It's your day to day life. Living in the suburbs, playing DnD on Mondays and hitting the bar on Thursdays isn't the lifestyle I want. I moved a few blocks from the bar. I eliminated my geeky pursuits, keeping only one. And building a grounding routine into it. I no longer seek commonalities with girls. I seek differences. They tell me their passions and their dreams. And I learn from them.
I joined a social club (running) one night a week. I joined a monthly singles networking group. I'm a fringe member of two social groups that gather on Thursdays (one for bars, one for nightclubs). I'm discussing party promotions with a few individuals.
And I am seeing women more cultured than myself. They're introducing me to new things. I'm not sleeping with them. I'm letting them guide me to their world. So I can sleep with girls like them.
I'm no longer with my wife, btw. Seperated. The lifestyle that fulfills me isn't the life of a married man. I let it go.
Social Circle
I've dated five women in six weeks. None of them were a cold approach. They were social circle. How do you build a social circle? You find people you like and you hang out with them. Sounds easy. But takes time.
And it takes the social skills you built during the newbie mission. Which I, embarrasingly enough, never completed to my satisfaction. It's the reason I push it so hard. I did my time, but I never opened the number of sets I should have. I pushed every set as hard as I could. Which means 1-2 hour long sets.
I made a lot of friends doing this. I went nonsexual for awhile, dropping comments about my wife. This was back in December and January. Every friend I have in my life today with two exceptions stems from those two months in one way or another.
The exceptions? Retail clerks. You become a regular at a retail shop. You make a friend. You run game. Qualify. DHV. Comfort. All of it. They love you. You invite them out and you see them socially every week or so.
They introduce you to their circle of friends. And your circle grows.
How do you build your social circle? You don't. You find established circles. You befriend as much of it as you can. And you get invited to hang. No reason to build your own. Establish yourself as the cool guy in a few circles and the works done for you. You get introduced to new guys and girls every time you go out.
And cold approach becomes something you practice. Not somethign you require. Because the social circle are people that exist within your reality. The hot chicks in the bar aren't in your world. They exist in their own. And unless you want to assimilate, you're unlikely to benefit from their aquaintence.
Unless all you want is a quickie in the backseat of your 52 Chevy.

HATER! =]

Possabilities
Repect power and authority. Respect each other. I see a lot of guys learn game. And immediately reach for things they didn't know existed. Not because it fulfills them. Because its suddenly possible. Take threesomes. This doesn't exist in the reality of most people.
But guys find out its possible and IMEDIATELY make it a goal and priority in their life. And they often fail to achieve it. Because its not their reality. It's not congruent with who they are. But its possible, so they want it.
Back to strippers. Strippers are possible for all of us. And unrealistic for most of us. Recognize that your reality and hers must overlap for a relationship to be fulfilling. Respect that she has non sexual needs. Fulfill these needs and sex becomes a given. An after thought.
Remove it as a goal. Focus on fun. Focus on fulfillment. Focus on the lifestyle that provides both. Not the activites.
Share the Joy
We are a selfish race by nature. We must take care of our personal needs before we can care for others. Don't become consumed with the first to the detriment of the second. Care for others. Stop selfish pursuits when they involve another.
Don't hit the bar for a one night stand. Give the gift of a one night stand. Allow this beautiful woman at the bar the opportunity to connect with another human being and satisfy her physical needs. If only for a night.
Of course you get laid. But as a side dish. Not as a main dish. The main dish is what you offer her. Connection. No strings. Sex is secondary to satisfying her needs. It's secondary to the value you bring to the interaction.
Satisfy HER selfish desires.
Share the Joy. The activity doesn't matter. It's the emotion it invokes. I can talk DnD to a girl and get her to jump me. I don't. But I have. Because there was once passion for that activity.
If I play Rummy with a girl, I'm not sharing the activity of Rummy with her. I'm sharing a grounding routine of learning cards from my Grandmother. The joy of spending time with my mother, my aunts and my grandmother on a cool summer day over lemonade. Dropping cards and counting points while the boys went off and did their thing.
I'm sharing the emotion the activity invokes. The activity is meaningless. Bring this mentality into everything you do with the girl. I don't want to watch Sex in the City with my new girl. I want to watch her enjoy it. I want her to share that emotion with me. Not the experience.
And activites become less important. Time becomes important. Memories become important. Learn to find emotion is everything, and convey it to her. Be a child and experience the wonder in EVERYTHING.
Consumption
Don't allow seduction to consume you. There's no world for the man consumed in one thing. Allow is to guide you into a new existance. Steer your boat with the knowledge and experience you attain. Not with the possabilities of things you read. But with what you know to fulfill you.
Because you're experienced. You've been in field. Books and DVDs are worthless. They point you in a direction. None of you would need game if you lived a life full of beautiful women. You might learn it to improve your options. But you wouldn't need it.
Recognize its your life that is the issue. Knowledge leads to experience. Experience to skill. And skill to a new life. Recognize that your life MUST change if your results do not satisfy you. Don't expect to hit the bar on Saturdays and get yourself new girls. Those aren't real girls. Not consistently.
Consume what you need as a temporary measure. Exert your 110% effort to begin your journey. But don't leave the afterburners on. Reach your altitude and coast. Keep your skills fresh. Designate a bar night. Don't get comofrtable. And recognize your goals as something to fulfill you.
Reach for those goals that are congruent with the reality you intend to live. Not merely in what's possible.
Peace out.

Live Easy y'all. Cedar, you owe me one. =]

Who wants to change their abilities with women and dating FOREVER?

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Originally Posted by Cedar

Emesh yourself in their world, and release your grip on your own. One year ago, I owned the second largest Dungeons and Dragons website in the world. Wanna guess what I DON'T OWN anymore? Gone. Done. I have systematically removed from my life my geeky pleasures. My hobbies. And anything that I feel detracted from the lifestyle I desire.

Originally Posted by Soverign replies

I am terribly sorry to hear this. I think this is a HUGE mistake you will regret. Changing your life, is about changing your MINDSET and how you ACT. It does not mean leaving behind passions because you see them as some sort of social albatross around your neck! Some of the most socially successful guys I know, all have their hobbies and their passions, which are completely not congruent with how the PRESENT themselves.

Soverign, he is specifically talking about keeping these women in his life. The D&D webmaster does not have girlfriends who are 10's. He may be able to fclose her, and he may be able to present himself as something else, but in many ways you are what you do, and she will figure what those things are no matter how you frame them. After a fairly short time, she's going to say goodbye to the dungeon master.
I'm actually very surprised you disagree with him, given your style. I also don't mean this in a negative way, but what are you basing your conclusions on? You aren't closing women (admirable, IMO), so it would strike me as difficult to gain the experie