How To Progress Into A Relationship

[Maverick]

History:
I’m sitting here right now listening to Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive� with a slight grin surrounded by 2 days of unshaved stubble. I’ve got a guitar hanging on the wall behind me and I’m re-reading the conversation of an awesome girl I’m dating. Why am I like this right now? I just broke up with one of the girls I’m dating.
Somewhat of a weird scenario to be sitting here smiling, isn’t it? Each breakup, each one-itis I have leads me in the right direction. For the past 3 months I’ve been trying to figure out what it really takes to get into a quality LTR. Learning flash game and getting into a woman’s pants is easy. Determining what a solid frame consists of, and becoming the man you always wanted to be is a little more difficult.
Very little is discussed in this game about successfully branching off from dating into solidifying an LTR. Gone are the high school days when you weren’t “dating.� You automatically became boyfriend and girlfriend by holding hands in-between classes. Things become more complicated as an adult and unless you’re a natural, trying to psycho-analyze this aspect of social dynamics can drive you crazy.
Getting a woman attracted to you isn’t difficult, keeping her attracted is. The typical scenario (in my case at least) is that I’ll meet a woman of quality, number or kiss close her, time bridge and see her again. We vibe and hit it off really well. We go on a second date and it goes really well, we go on a third date it goes well too. However what you don’t see are the conflicting emotions pulling me towards one-itis.
I’ll constantly catch myself thinking “I wonder what she thinks of me.� Or “Am I calling too often or displaying enough value?� That’s what kills me. I over analyze everything to the point of making a mountain out of a mole hill. Unfortunately I can’t rely on natural ability to let the relationship progress past sexual and into something more solid. So, in talking to friends, tons of experiments and A LOT of pain I’ve come up with a few solid rules that I have to abide by.
These go completely against what my emotions and even sometimes logic tells me. The difficult part about getting into a relationship is that you have to fly by the seat of your pants. You can no longer run routines. You can’t base a relationship on routines. It has to come from somewhere a lot more profound. This guide isn’t a step by step guide on how to develop a relationship. It’s designed to make you aware of the most common mistakes that guys make.
Tips:
First off, I developed a system to keep myself level headed when I start to over-think. It’s a logical sliding scale system similar to the 9 phases of the mystery method. The scale starts at -10 and goes to 10. When you first meet a woman in a club (depending on your social value) the scale will rest anywhere from 0 to 5. She has no reason to be pissed at you and if you haven’t made a fool of yourself you’ll stay above 0. If you drop below 0 you’ve lost your chance. The point of displaying higher value is to raise the marker on the scale to somewhere around 5. If you’ve created comfort properly obtaining a date is easy. That’s easy, now you have to maintain it at at least a level 5.
After the first date (first 2 hours) it should bring you to 7. After the second date it should bring you to 8 (she’s building comfort with you) and 10 is a full fuck close. It’s a steady inclination from 5 to 10. You may have moments when you slide back from 8 to 6 or even 9 to 5 (what happened to me unfortunately). This is fine, it’s a minor setback. You just have to stay above the interest level she had in you at the beginning of the first date.

-10_______________-5__________________0_________________5____________ _____10

How do you keep the scale above 5? That was the most difficult and painful process. As opposed to just attempting to pickup in a club where the outcome of the girls is somewhat inconsequential you actually become attached and invested in girls you date. When you crash, it hurts. Through a whole lot of trial and error (A LOT of error) and help from friends these are the basic set of rules I’ve come up with.

1. Keep the dating fun and light: When you first met this girl I’m sure you didn’t “I’m going to marry her!� It is imperative that you keep the interactions between the two of you light. You don’t want to put any pressure on her to see you. She has to want to come and spend time with you. You do this by getting her to invest time in you.
2. Getting her Invested: The more she invests in your interaction (and this is true of the pickup as well) the better chance you have of continuing it. Get her to call you at a certain time. Get her to contribute to the date. Example: If you’re going for a picnic tell her to bring the fruit and you can bring the sandwiches. This is similar to hoop theory but more concrete in that they’re actual events. The more she is invested in you the better chance you have at furthering the relationship
3. Always have her associate the good with you: If all she has associated with you are positive feelings then she’ll want to spend more time with you, leading her to invest more. She’ll view you as the good guy who makes her feel good about herself. This is phenomenally powerful. Keep conversations, short and fun. I hate ending conversations on a bad note (sometimes it happens.) In a dating scenario it’s usually better to cut the conversation short as oppose to dragging it out. Understand that things aren’t great but don’t try and fix them then. Emphasize the positive and minimize the negative.
4. Give her the gift of missing you: A woman never realizes how much she appreciates you until she misses you. She’ll wonder what you did today, are you thinking of her, etc. Create high value, attraction, and have her associate the good with you then temporarily take it away. This is the false takeaway of dating. Supply and demand is a prime example of this. The rarer an item is the more valuable it becomes. This is what separates gold from lead and what will separate you from the masses. Every other guy she’s dated has called her 3 times a day professing his love to her. Do not do this. Make her chase you. Get her to invest in you by getting her to call you, set up a pattern. Limit yourself to 1 or at most 2 dates a week. Create an imaginary calling card just for her. This week you can talk on the phone with the girl for 45 minutes. Deduct time from the card as you chat with her. You can’t rush the dating process. It usually takes at least a month to develop an LTR.
5. Always go with the flow: Don’t let things phase you. If she calls up at the last minute and wants to change plans then that’s fine. If she wants to cancel there are two outcomes. The positive outcome is that she reschedules right there, apologizes profusely and says she’ll make it up to you. The negative outcome is that she just cancels. Call her on it. You wouldn’t accept this behavior from a male friend why should you from a girl. If she has a legitimate reason then let her know you are disappointed but it still won’t ruin your fun. You’re not going to be stuck at home alone. Don’t get mad at her, but don’t let it bother you either. Have a rock steady frame. This demonstrates that even under less than perfect scenarios you can maintain your composure.

Dating is a continual shit test. She wants to see if you’re worth keeping around, that you’re not creepy, needy or otherwise “defective.� There is no avoiding this awkward phase when developing an LTR. The reason why we date more than one woman at a time is so that we don’t end up getting one-itis and forgetting all the above rules. As long as you maintain the same cool, easy going, fun frame then you’re set. She’s already attracted to you, you just have to keep it that way and not mess it up.
That’s all for now guys. I’ll post more as I test it and figure out what works and what doesn’t. I’ve lost count of the number of girls I’ve gone through the past few months. It seems like I’m changing girls more than socks. I’m going to run out soon!
Cheers.
-Maverick

[Sovereign]

Maverick,
Well thought out post (I assume it will eventually wind up in Relationships, and is in the main forum for exposure.) And it brings up a larger issue of how all the seduction methods truly concentrate only on the first 7 hours of a relationship.
Sadly, what happens is that after many guys reach their goal (generally the f-close), they are left wondering what they should do next. Even sadder is the number of guys that turn to more routines, go with some c/f and somewhere along the line completely lose anything resembling theirselves.
Relationships generally follow a definitive curve. They heighten in the beginning around the 8 to 10 area on your scale and stay there for quite some time. Sure there are arguments (with passion there always is), but this 'honeymoon' period (as it is traditionally called) generally will last around 6 months. But it is difficult to maintain and eventually it drops down and plateaus around a 5, with some occasional spikes up towards 10 and some occasional dips down towards 0 and the negatives. Those relationships that can not stay above the 5 on your scale usually fall apart within a year.
This is somewhat borne out of the 'mating ritual' where each person puts their best foot forward. Until it become obvious that guess what? She hates baseball! And you can't stand the opera! And NO you don't want to go shopping with her again ("But you used to love to go shopping with me!!!!") and thus the cycle continues.
You post gives some great advice on how to maintain a relationship long enough to make a decision on whether this is a good LTR or not. But soon deeper feelings will take hold, and larger decisions need to be made. At time, you need to ask yourself:
Have I been myself? Is the person she knew for the past few months, really me??
Do I really love her, or have I made her out to be something she isn't?
Now, of course, in my cynicism, I use and practice Long Term Manipulation, which all but assures that the relationships lasts as long as YOU want it to, and that she remains in awe and in love with you the entire time through. Essentially, the power is in your hands....but this is hardly storybook love is it? No. Does that type of love exist?? Well that another post...perhaps even another forum.

[voodoo]

Sex Gurus, like Masterclass and I think StevenP say things like if you can give her intense sexual experiences, she will be yours.
Or I suppose giving her great orgasms will give you a few points on your -10,10 scale
So not only for the sheer pleasure I get from making my women orgasm, but also for the fact that it "raises my dating rating", I'd like to study the sexual arts so I don't lose girls (like my last FB)
I like this though, but I feel no man can really understand these particular rules till they actually get into a FB/LTR and see its downfall. If I had read this a week ago, it would probably not seem quite as important. Now I feel this is vital to enduring a relationship.

[voodoo]

Originally Posted by Manipulator

Do I really love her, or have I made her out to be something she isn't?
Now, of course, in my cynicism, I use and practice Long Term Manipulation, which all but assures that the relationships lasts as long as YOU want it to, and that she remains in awe and in love with you the entire time through. Essentially, the power is in your hands....but this is hardly storybook love is it? No. Does that type of love exist?? Well that another post...perhaps even another forum.

Thats probably the most important thing, is it her I love, or my mental image of her.
Its like in sociology... perception is reality. But how close is my perception of her to how she really is?
hehe
Also, Manip I want to see some of those nasty manipulation tactics you speak of. You gonna write up a book or something?

[Illuminator]

Like you said it's one thing to try and get into a woman's pants, but establishing a relationship is a wholleee different story. Awesome tips

[xAliasx]

Yeah, damn good points by Manip and Maverick... that's good shit to keep in mind for whenever the hell I find an LTR.
Hey, I dunno if people are still reading to post, but what would you do if the LTR that you were with wanted to talk everyday? Keep the strong frame and "plow" through her demands, right? What exactly would that consist of, in words I mean?

[Sovereign]

Originally Posted by xAliasx

Hey, I dunno if people are still reading to post, but what would you do if the LTR that you were with wanted to talk everyday? Keep the strong frame and "plow" through her demands, right? What exactly would that consist of, in words I mean?

Sorry, I don't get your question. Do you mean one that you were with, or someone you still are with?
If you are still with them, than it is up to you what you want out of the relationship. If you really want to build something strong and solid, you don't have to supplicate to her, but you shouldn't also keep such strigent rules on contact.
If you aren't with her anymore, than why are you still speaking to her? Is she a FB? Is she a pivot? Basically, what use is she to you? Based on that answer you should know how much you need to keep in contact.
And smile Mav. post is once again bumped up. ;-)

[xAliasx]

Oh, I was with her. And it has happened to me before too, in past LTRs. I was just asking for reference, to use later if anything.
If even before you are together she has different ideals for talking on the phone, should you supplicate, or have a "I don't take that shit" frame? She was pretty adamant about it, and eventually I just ended up calling her for minimal amounts of time before I went to bed. That's the past though, so it's not so much a specific situation like that any more. Just for reference.

[bad_religion_au]

i'm with xaliasx... many times LTR's have been ruined by too much phone chat. girls love it, but it puts you as another "girl friend" and doesn't give them the gift of missing you.
so what do we do?
i.e. my last two failed LTR's stemmed from the fact i called them almost every day, because it felt good to talk to them, and they said thats what they wanted... i know AFC move.
now my Fuck buddy wants me to call to "chat", it came up for the first time last night.... i drew the line last night and didn't call, but felt like a bit of a prick for it.

[Maverick]

Found something else...
Orleans pointed this out to me. Phone game & msn game is weak after you first start hanging out. It makes you always available and "more common." Also, it gives you less to talk about in person. Once you go from msn to phone keep it that way. Don't go back to msn. Once you start hanging out in person cut out the phone time and only use it to plan dates. It will cause her to think of you more and want to be with you more.
I spend too much time trying to build rapport on the phone as oppose to in person. Each step is a step in the right direction...
-Maverick