how do i make a cool employee my friend?

[ZenMonk]

I have a really gorgeous married gal who works under me at a small company. How can I make her my friend, without it seeming like I'm into her as more than simply a friend or coming across as being creepy? I believe that having her as a friend will be a major positive, as I'm new to the area and she seems like a really cool person, just has a natural ability to get along with people and make friends. she could help me with my sense of style and smooth over some of my rough edges

[Top_Gunn]

read Dale Carnegie' book, "how do win friends and influence people"
i took the course it amazing...a little pricey but well worth it. the book should do you gold in this situation.

i'll read off some of his main points. as long as you apply this stuff and BE GENUINE in what with there tools they work like a charm! trust me i've applied these to my life and they have worked tremendously.

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain (people hate it when you throw their ego down, that doesn't mean you can't joke around)
2. Give HONEST and SINCERE appreciation (THIS MUST BE GENUINE AND NOT USED AS ALL THE TIME...PEOPLE CAN SMELL BULLSHIT A MILE AWAY)
3. Arouse in that person an eager want.
4. BECOME GENUINELY INTERESTED IN OTHER PEOPLE (MOST IMPORTANT ONE OUT THERE...PEOPLE CAN TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES FOR HOURS AND THEY LOVE IT...TRY NOT TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF TO MUCH!!! ASK HER ABOUT HER LIFE AND WHAT SHE ENJOYS...ECT)
5. Smile
6. Remember that person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any langauge (not suprising, people respond REALLY WELL when you use their name)
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
8. talk in terms of the other person's interests.
9. make the other person feel important---AND DO IT SINCERELY!!!!! (THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THEN SOMEONE FAKING ALL THIS STUFF)


i hope this works...tell me if you plan on using any of this, but its actually very powerful stuff (especially #'s 4-5-6-7-8)
im not sure what kind of friend relationship (buddies, close companions, talk every once in a while...ect)

good luck bro

Also try the book Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi

[sdnightfly]

It's just a matter of hitting it off outside of work and knowing if you can put aside your supervisor/subordinate aspect, and referring to anything social as "them" hanging out sometime, for a barbecue or something social where her husband could be included, and feel comfortable enough that if he can't make it, that she could still hang out and not think anything's up.

You could always ask any woman you're friendly enough with for tips, and can just ask for her opinion on what works on you and what doesn't. You can get a sense of what her dating history was before she met her husband (she'll either be honest, or not want to talk about it) , and what it was about him that attracted her to him, or if it's the other way around. Nothing about this should come across as a threat to her job or to her marriage.

You also don't want to be asking her for advice every 5 minutes, but at those times when you're talking about where you're from, you being new to the area, I'm thinking she knows where to go and might be up for hanging out, but you should also see if others you work with are going to hang out. Otherwise it's going to come across as preferential treatment.

And keep in mind this is one person's opinion.

Originally Posted by ZenMonk

I have a really gorgeous married gal who works under me at a small company. How can I make her my friend, without it seeming like I'm into her as more than simply a friend or coming across as being creepy? I believe that having her as a friend will be a major positive, as I'm new to the area and she seems like a really cool person, just has a natural ability to get along with people and make friends. she could help me with my sense of style and smooth over some of my rough edges

[Im_vinny]

If your looking for someone else to smooth out some of "your" rough edges. You need to not worry bout her (not to mention shes married) and work on you. If you fix you the rest will come automatically.

[The Therapist]

Top Gunn is right, but everyone should read that book.....

As for your specific situation....get a date.....it could be an HB6......any date will do.....ask her and her hubby to join you for dinner, or perhaps drinks afterwards.

The next day at the water cooler ask for her honest opinion.

[silversixone]

Good advice thus far, but make sure her husband is 1000% cool with you. If he thinks anything funny is going on between his wife and her boss, you won't get anywhere.


Silver

[inconspicuous]

this is a smart idea and a female friend can always help your situation.

remember indicators of disinterest? this applies here. you don't want her to think you're interested. right?