Controlling Others' Mood

[savio576]

I've noticed lately that I tend to have an unusually heavy influence on others' emotion and mood. For example, my enthusiasm seems to be very contagious to females. Conversely, on the rare occasions that I outwardly act irritated, females seem to mirror that vibe even more harshly.

Once I made this realization, hindsight might indicate that I play this role in my social circle with both male and female friends as well. In other words, now that I think about it, I dictate the vibe of the whole group.

I'm naturally a leader, very loud (occasionally interpretted as annoyingly loud), well-educated, confident, and a perfectionist.

Part of me says to "man up" and relish that role. The other part of me wonders if my social circle and girlfriends are weak-minded because they're so influenced by me.

I'd like to hear thoughts from a variety of viewpoints. Be harsh if you deem it necessary as I'm open minded to the situation at this point.

*Note: I wasn't sure what category this topic fit into, so a move to the appropriate subforum might be necessary.

[Xadus]

Naturally people vibe off of other people. Think of yourself as a popular person b/c if you werent accepted as having any kind of high value your emotions/moods would not influence anyone. you must be a good-looking, fairly average sized, and well dressed person am i right? if i am right then that explains it. you are probably very charismatic. in other words "good for you...you got it made for you bro!"

X

[savio576]

You're pretty close bro. I'd say most of us are slightly above average in terms looks, intelligence, wealth, and build/muscularity to give you a baseline. The females fit this category as well, although most of them have some baggage that none of us males have.

So, I just need to man up and lead the pack. Any suggestions as to how I can conciously improve this aspect of my social life? In other words, if I'm going to influence people because of my status in the group, I want to be damn sure I'm doing a good job so I don't lose that privelage.

[Top_Gunn]

k, well to be a leader what i've found and i've said it before on this forum is that you have to influence the people who are the lowest status of your group...it shouldn't be that hard to see who that is. people who are not good natural leaders or haven't learned by reading/experience will just focus all their attention on one main guy of the group "alpha male' he poseses the highest value, and hence why other people MAINLY JUST talk to him and seek his approval/validation. don't focus much of your time and energy on the people high up on the pedestal, they can take care of themselves for the most part. You want to influence the people who are lower ranking and motivate them to be better, stronger people. because they, more then anyone, need it. when asking people what you should do today, try to get those people with lower rank involved and this will also create a stronger packed between everyone and lower status people will be more motivated. they will also like being around you more, because you make them feel confident, and in control. everyone else in the group will look to you for that same validation and want to be around you aswell. -----> you do also want to remember to distribute this type of wealth throughout your group and get everyone involved in the end.
throw down a challenge for everyone and see if everyone is up for it. people dont like taking the first step so as long as you thrown down a fun challenge, everyone will be into it.
use peoples names as often as you can. if your asking someone a question on what you want to do tonight, use their name.
show respect for everyone elses opinions and let everyone speak. when someone hasn't said something for a while, stop right there and let that person have their input ex: "...that is actually awesome, what about you todd, what do you think"
as long as you are getting everyone involved in the decision making and the discussions i think that can be very influencial.

[Top_Gunn]

i actually want to talk about what you said here, cuz you made an extermemly good point!!!! and i wanna follow through with it. Listen carefully to what you said here, cuz you just made a breakthrough.

Originally Posted by savio576

The other part of me wonders if my social circle and girlfriends are weak-minded because they're so influenced by me.

i beleive 100% of what you are saying, that your confident...ect, but part of the reason you beleive that your friends/girlfriends are weak minded and so strongly influenced is because (dont take this the wrong way) you don't beleive in your actions and thoughts enough. yeah, it may be partially true that you think your friends should think for themselves. but basically you are thinking in your head "why are they following me, im not the one they should follow. they shouldn't beleive in me cuz i don't beleive enough in myself."

excuse me for being a psych major, but i have to say something that may come out a little deep, but you said:

Originally Posted by savio576

I'm open minded to the situation at this point.

this will help you! now listen close!!- the reason you hate others or dislike others opinions lies deep within your own thoughts and beliefs...YOU HATE YOUR FRIENDS FOLLOWING YOU AROUND BECAUSE YOU YOURSELF WOULD'T FOLLOW YOU AROUND!!! You can't understand why others would follow you, because you yourself wouldn't follow you. You dont beleive enough in yourself as a leader to beleive you should be a leader. am i right?? if you truely beleived in yourself you would find it irresistable not to follow yourself, because you don't have any disbelief that you should be the leader.
there is a good quote around this community and it goes:
" 1. Where am i going?
2. Who fill come with me"
or something like that, you get the picture.

hope this helps.

good luck

[savio576]

Thanks for the response. You obviously put a great deal of thought into this thread and I appreciate that.

I like your ideas in regards to helping out the weak link so to speak. I didn't quite understand what you meant by challenging the group though. Could you either elaborate on that or give a simple example?

I like how you said, "why are they following me? I'm not the one they should follow." I'm not sure that this is my issue though. I'll have to take a step back and be mindful of my subconscious thoughts, like a jedi , when the next similar situation occurs.

Finally, I can answer where am I going and who will follow in most of my roles in life. Just by bringing these questions up, I can think of some situations where I genuinely lead and some situations where I couldn't answer those questions (all in the short term, of course). This is something that I always need to keep in mind.

[Top_Gunn]

i know it can be hard to be the leader sometimes. there is obviously alot of work and thinking to do when your the leader. but thats why some people will just never be leaders, they never want to have to do all the CRAP that no one else will do. it takes alot of initiative and maintance to be a leader. i.e calling everyone, getting everyone together, meshing groups, asking for the bill (you get the idea).

Originally Posted by savio576

I didn't quite understand what you meant by challenging the group though. Could you either elaborate on that or give a simple example?

no one really wants to actually take the energy to do things. we are all subconciously looking for someone to follow. if you can throw down an idea that you know everyone will want to do like, "we should go get something to eat at Dixon's pub (bar in my hometown), i hear they have their wing special on tonight. James and Maria are going to be there and i know their ready to party...are you guys down?" people will most likely look to you.
when i was thinking of 'throwing down a challenge' i was thinking more of a work/business related situation, which is where i learned this leadership principle from. my bad...LOL

i can relate to the fact that sometimes its difficult to lead lower-status people in this world, because it bugs me somewhat that they can't really lead themselves. But i can honestly say, the reason i can relate to your post is because before i started reading 'game' material and taking leadership courses i was a huge follower, so when it comes to people following me with a needy intention it reminds me of my old self (AFC). And those followers, in a way, bring back a part of me that i try to run away from, subconciously. a part of me that never wants it to return. its something that i try to just deal with and i try to impower them to be stronger more self-reliant people.
do you think anybit of what i've been talking about has anything to do with you???

take this quote too i know i use it all the time. i saw someone else one the forum have this:

"Because he believes in himself
he doesn't try to convince others
Because he is content with himself
he doesn't need others' approval
Because he accepts himself
the whole world accepts him" - Tao te Jing

[savio576]

More great stuff bro!

Re: your first paragraph, I definately do all those things in my social circle, at work, family, and community basketball league. I don't mind the work/effort, to be honest.

I'd like to hear your work leadership concept. I run one branch of our business and, to be honest, have the leadership role over the owner in terms of decision making.

Congrats on stepping up the leadership roles in your life. I've always been a self motivated leader. But, I'd bet my skill set is sloppy, especially since this is a relatively new realization for me. I'm very open to improvement.

[Top_Gunn]

really, whats its been for me is just being concious and writing down:

1. write all the things that you find flaws in yourself
2. ask yourself alot of questions- find out all the possible solutions to your problem (leadership). This brings everything into concious awareness. If you ask yourself a question and write it down, your mind will seek out the answer more and more everytime you ask yourself. right now, you dont know what is really wrong, but if you ask alot of questions concerning your deeper self and what the actual problem you'll eventually find to TRUE answer.

i can't really see what the real problem with you, specifically. bring your problems into concious awareness and think things through cognitively.

its great that you are trying to work on leadership. be very self correcting and try to figure out the problems and as long as you bring leadership into conciousness you can really start to help yourself. in the Movie/book "The Secret" says your mind seeks out what you are focusing on, so if i was really mad at some chick (and this happened last week for me) and i think about her alot, iam going to see her a like a million times (and i actually did) because my mind will seek out everything in this world that im thinking of. As long as you seek leadership out, you will gain it. watch the video online if you want, its something that the community knows about. it gets pretty deep. anyways im jaggering. hope i helped alittle bit, just be self correcting.

[Top_Gunn]

dude, i was just listening to Neil Strauss: Ep:45. on pickuppodcast. i think you should listen to it. its an amazing interview and i think it would REALLY HELP YOU OUT with this!!! i think it will solve your problem. this is EXACTLY what you are talking about. listen to it and get back to me.

cheers