My thoughts on AA and Inner Game

[brandi]

This is my contribution to this community and going to be quite a long post. But I think you guys should take the time to read it. If I had read a post like this for a couple a years ago that would have saved me a great amount of time!!

This post is going to be about “inner game” and AA (approach anxiety). My outer game isnt that solid yet (but I am making progress every day now that my inner game is taken care of) so Im not going to mention that part.

First of all, I have ALOT of experience of inner game stuff. Until my 26 birthday I had not made a single approach. If it wasn’t for my good genes I would probably had been I a 26 year old virgin
However, I was terrified of approaching. I tried to fight the feeling by saing to myself: “This is bullshit how can you be afraid of a 18 year old girl. This is just riddicolus. Approach her now!” I tried to rationalize it and do you now what happened? I got more anxiety and I freezed. The more I thought and rationalized about it the more anxiety I got. It’s a PARADOX!

So to get the courage to approach women I began to read books about inner game. I read a lot!! Most of the tips and “tricks” didn’t help (why is NLP so popular in this community??). I tried everything the “dating gurus” wrote and did the exercise they recommended. I started to approach ladies in the street asking various things to shrink the anxiety but it didn’t help that much to be honest (mabe in the short run but in a couple of hours I was back in my AA).

Then one day I came a cross a book and audio serie named “Overcoming Social Anxiety Step By Step”. Now, I had never labeled myself as a guy with these kind of issues. But I thought I would give it a chance. And it wasn’t bad, infact after a while I began to do the exercises. And after a couple of weeks I began to notice changes. I began to notice my own thought patterns and it wasn’t pretty. I had a lot atomatic negativ thoughts and they were truly atomatic. First when you become aware of them, you can stop them! After 2 months doing the exercises every day for 30 min my thought patterns began to change and I got more content and happy with my life (I wasn’t miserable earlier, infact I was quite normal).

So how does this apply to approaching women? This book and audio serie taught me that before you even start to think about confronting your fears you have to have the right mindset!! It doesn’t matter how many approches you do, if you have the wrong mindset you will get anxiety every time you approach a woman in the future. For me it took around 10 weeks of 30min/day training to get the right mindset.

The next book I came a cross that perfectly complemented the social anxiety book was “The Power of now” by Eckarth Tollie. Read it!! It taught me the valuable lesson of staying present. When you are in the present you can not feel anxiety! So how do you get in to this state when you are feeling AA? SURRENDER! Accept the anxiety feelings! Say yes to it and watch it. The funny thing is, when you do this the anxiety will vanish. Okey, this take practice but its worth it.

So if you have the right mindset and try to stay in the present when you first start to deal with your AA it will not take many weeks before you feel like superman and you can not feel anxiety! But remember you have to practise this at least 30 min every day and bascially the rest of you PUA life! Its like going to the gym, if you skip a couple of days you muscles will shrink. And in this case your old thought patterns will appear again. This is not only good for picking up chicks, it will also affect other areas in your life in a positive way!

My last recommendation to eliminate your AA is to know what to say when you approach ladies. Knowing what to say and how to say it will release pressure from you. Have the same oppener for the whole night!

Two days ago I approached 10 sets. The first 2 sober. And I couldn’t feel any AA (mabey a small AA the first set but Im sure it will vanish in a couple of weeks of more practising). First now I have begun to study MMT to get wride of my sticking points (make DHV storier and so on). But MMT wouldn’t have helped me much 3 months ago.

There is more to say about “inner game” and AA but I don’t want to write a book here (especially if nobody reads this post). If there is interest I will put up more posts about the subject.

/Brandi

[KingAlpha]

Great post. Though I won't say I have a bad inner game, AA has always been my sticking point.

[MAG!C]

To tell you the truth a lot of people dislike NLP and Ross J. in general after reading 'the game'. They just jumped on the bandwagon and decided to dislike him to since he was 'the bad guy' in The Game.

I believe that NLP is awsome! Not the full extenct of NLP. But some parts are amazing.

With NLP you can control your inner game, I posted a thread yesterday about how I started to get 'in the zone'. How I started to black out, and 'black in'. How randomly the world started to do ME a favour, and to send the girls my way, started to make the girls call me after not talking to them for months!

NLP is great. Not all of it. But a lot of it.

Rather doing all that NLP crap on your 'targets' do the NLP on yourself. It does wonders. I am starting to expirience it.

Its where your 'in the zone' and everything goes your way. Some random girl calls you that you didn't tlak to for ever, some girl bumbs into you and start a conversation, you meet soem girls on the subway which you didn't see for 3 months, you go to a bar and some promoter buys you free drinks.

THAT is called 'being in the zone'.

I am not sure where I am going with this. But I thought it'd be appropirate for the 'NLP'

But... Regarding AA.

A lot of guys mistake and believe that learning the out game, learning the pick up lines, the routines, the 'everything' is far better then learning the INNER GAME.

[MAG!C]

Just to add... I think it was David Carnegie (?sp) and he gave an idea and extersize to do when you have an AA

Its to imagine what the problem is, then think of a bad outcome. What will be one of the worst outcomes that might happen after you will do this.

Simple. For one minute. 30 Seconds. Close your eyes and just think.
Helped me a lot when i was writing tests or what not. "What will happen if I fail this test? This test is 5% of the mark. So if I don't write it that means I will loose 5%, Im standing pretty high right now so if I DO get a bad mark it won't make such a big difference since it is only 5%"

And it becomes so much easier. The blood stop pumping to your brain as much, you can actually think.





But... The REAL 'thing'

Is the 3 second rule.

There should be a book.

3 Pages. Front Cover, One Page, Back Cover.

Open 1st page. And it says "3 SECOND RULE"

Done.

3 Second Rule, or 10 feet. Which ever. Its nuts! Your brain and your body doesn't have enough time to react and get the butterflies therefore you can think properly

[brandi]

Great post Magic. I didnt mean to discredit NLP. I believe everything depends on where you start. But NLP isnt proven scientifically to help (wich KBT is) to get over fears. I tried NLP (visualition and so on) at home and I felt a light relief but I couldnt get in to that state when I was in clubs (but it might work for me better now when I have god inner game).

Im a strong believer that there is no such thing as a "quick fix" when it comes to this. You have to destroy your old inner game (negativ thoughts and beliefs) before you can build up and have solid inner game (feeling happy is underestimated when it comes to pick up chicks). But I can only talk from my own experience. I have seen to many guys sitting in corners in the clubs trying to get in the state before they approach. If you try to get in the state then you will not reach it. If you are in the state and start to analyze it then you will loose it. For me the state is pure happiness and being in the present moment.

The 3 second rule is a great rule if you have AA issues (or for the first set of the night wich is always special). But if you dont, you can wait and watch the set for hours before you approach. It just doesnt matter.

My post was primarily a reaction against people trying to sell the quick fix (EFT and that crap). To get a solid inner game, and be fearless, takes practise and a strong desire to change.

/Brandi

[cellaccme]

How can you deal with anxiety when you are in the set. Opening sets is no problem for me, but during the time while i'm saying my opener, my heart starts beating faster, and I start to get more nervous. Then I feel like I can't continue to my next piece, cause I am too nervous inside. Any tips on that?

[brandi]

Great question! This is very common and similar to difficulties with public speaking and going to job interviews (i.e being self-conscious). Basically you need to stop fueling the anxiety (you are doing that on a conscious or unconscious level) and stop thinking.
Remember these sentences:

WHO CARES?
SO WHAT?
I'M TIRED OF MAKING A MOUNTAIN OUT OF A MOLEHILL!
IT'S NO BIG DEAL!

Say these sentences out loud and slowly when you are by yourself every day a couple of times. You need to repeat them for yourself and get a relaxing feeling through your body before you use it in the field (dont say them out loud there ). The moment you start to get anxiety say these words to yourself. Now this is going to take some time to master but you will get there if you practise. The more you practise this the more you will get a relaxing feeling.

Another thing which is important is to have the right mindset before the situation.

If you say... "I HATE THIS" or "I'm AFRAID to do this..." Your brain believes everything you say and repeat (That's why you believe it so strongly - you have been constantly reinforcing this idea to your brain).

If you are worried about an upcoming event, you should take the exact same worry and turn it upside down.

For example: "Maybe this isn't quite as bad as I once thought. Perhaps I've overexaggerated a little. It's possible I do better than I think."

By putting the word maybe and perhaps you are not lying to yourself and your brain can accept it.

After the situation you should always thank yourself for doing it and not criticize yourself (remember every set is just a learning lesson and your are on the path to master this).

Another tip is to have canned material to say. Write down a script with things to say. Fake it till you make it. This reduces the pressure greatly.


/Brandi

[cellaccme]

Great stuff! Thanks, I'll do that.

[turkishspartan]

Originally Posted by MAG!C

Just to add... I think it was David Carnegie (?sp) and he gave an idea and extersize to do when you have an AA

Its to imagine what the problem is, then think of a bad outcome. What will be one of the worst outcomes that might happen after you will do this.

Simple. For one minute. 30 Seconds. Close your eyes and just think.
Helped me a lot when i was writing tests or what not. "What will happen if I fail this test? This test is 5% of the mark. So if I don't write it that means I will loose 5%, Im standing pretty high right now so if I DO get a bad mark it won't make such a big difference since it is only 5%"

And it becomes so much easier. The blood stop pumping to your brain as much, you can actually think.





But... The REAL 'thing'

Is the 3 second rule.

There should be a book.

3 Pages. Front Cover, One Page, Back Cover.

Open 1st page. And it says "3 SECOND RULE"

Done.

3 Second Rule, or 10 feet. Which ever. Its nuts! Your brain and your body doesn't have enough time to react and get the butterflies therefore you can think properly

ive always thought of using it on myself for my benefit too ..not really into using it on women ..but can u tell me where to start n how to do it or something please??

[ErleuchteterBuddhist]

Originally Posted by brandi

(EFT and that crap)

Are you afraid of EFT, dude?