The profile that will get me laid 1,000 times.

[HeretoLearnbaby]

Here is my profile I put on *insert random dating site here* - This will get you laid 1,000 times.

Note: Not field tested yet, but I'll get back to you on that.

"First and foremost, I dont message any girls on here, usually they message me. Most are intimidated by my good looks and charm, so they coward in fear of messaging me. To those who feel this way, FEAR NOT!! I AM KIND.. AND GRACIOUS!!

Things I like.

1.) Drinking and acting roudy
2.) Drinking and sex, including but not limited to pulling hair, spanking, and choking.
3.)Porn
4.) Food.
5.) Taking a shower, and coming out clean, combing my hair slicker then your gay friends anus.
6.) I love classic rock and mostly classic rock, that includes many of the bands your dad listens to (or if you're cool, you) - If you listen to RnB, or pop, please die. If you listen to bubble gum music, stay the hell away, I'm talking club music. I'm strictly old school. I hate RnB and those bullsh*tsongs you hear on the radio now-a-days. Modern music sucks ass and there is no more talenet in any of it. Kelly clarkson needs to die. I hope MTV gets bombed by terrorist.

8.) I love big BOOBIES, and that includes busty women, and women with meat on there bones. No I don't mean 200 pounds, I'm just saying I don't like skinny girls that have the body of a teenage boy.

9/) Working out. I love to lift weights and measure my dong.

The truth is im not here to play a game of lets see who can act un-interested in each other the most. If you wanna do that with some of these net-queers be my guest. Usually if I meet a girl in real life they are captivated by my gigantic, pulsating, large, elongated, rock hard.. PERSONALITY! .

On this website, a girl thinks if she takes a picture of her boobs, bends over backwards and exposes her rib-cage I'm instantly going to worship her foot-stool. As if I would stoop so low to save her picture on my hard drive, and masturbate to it repetetively, then stalk her between 12am to 3pm on saturday nights, hesitating for a few hours on what exact line I should say to captivate her into my Bed, .. AS if I would DO somthing like that.. HUH..

And then when I finally do say somthing she says "F***C* OFF" and I cry in pain at the rejection, and curl up into a ball in the corner, sucking my thumb cursing God on way he made her so beautiful yet so evil for betraying our love, and what we had! And turnin her back on my relationship! "F-ck off?" Oh no.. She's NOT going to say that Again!! NO, because I'm locked in a room with a computer, then I'm gonna carve her name into my arm and let the blood drip into an envelope and mail it to her internet provider..



As....... If!

Okay heres how to get my attention. I am not very superficial at all. Just follow these few steps and you will acheieve my attention in as little as 1,2,3.

Step 1.) Take a picture, exposing your boobs or ass.
2.) Put on lots of make-up preferably spray on tan.
3.) Repeat above.

So as you can see, I am not very superficial at all, in fact, there are many things me and you can discuss, like biology, world hunger, and how to save the rain-forests.


Did I mention I am full of myself?
I'm 6'2, 200 pounds of pure excitement.
Don't be intimidated though, being tall is a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that I instantly get noticed in every room I walk in. A curse in that I have to step over all the little people just to get in the front of the line."

[chill84]

Seems ok, change "coward" to "Cower". Could come across as bragging too much, but it's the internet, so being over the top should at least be tried. I think you went way too overboard and creepy with the self-aware rant about online dating, you frame yourself too negatively for the sake of humor. There has to be a better way.

[miaddict]

Originally Posted by HeretoLearnbaby

Here is my profile I put on *insert random dating site here* - This will get you laid 1,000 times.

Note: Not field tested yet, but I'll get back to you on that.

Awesome!

[HeretoLearnbaby]

Yeah maybe you're right, but I was trying to sound funny - I just kept writting and writting... LoL I think maybe I should get rid of that part or tone it down but I like it, it quite humorous.

[_big_pimpin_]

Originally Posted by HeretoLearnbaby

6.) I love classic rock and mostly classic rock, that includes many of the bands your dad listens to (or if you're cool, you) - If you listen to RnB, or pop, please die. If you listen to bubble gum music, stay the hell away, I'm talking club music. I'm strictly old school. I hate RnB and those bullsh*tsongs you hear on the radio now-a-days. Modern music sucks ass and there is no more talenet in any of it. Kelly clarkson needs to die. I hope MTV gets bombed by terrorist.


On this website, a girl thinks if she takes a picture of her boobs, bends over backwards and exposes her rib-cage I'm instantly going to worship her foot-stool. As if I would stoop so low to save her picture on my hard drive, and masturbate to it repetetively, then stalk her between 12am to 3pm on saturday nights, hesitating for a few hours on what exact line I should say to captivate her into my Bed, .. AS if I would DO somthing like that.. HUH..

And then when I finally do say somthing she says "F***C* OFF" and I cry in pain at the rejection, and curl up into a ball in the corner, sucking my thumb cursing God on way he made her so beautiful yet so evil for betraying our love, and what we had! And turnin her back on my relationship! "F-ck off?" Oh no.. She's NOT going to say that Again!! NO, because I'm locked in a room with a computer, then I'm gonna carve her name into my arm and let the blood drip into an envelope and mail it to her internet provider..

i think those parts should be taken out or toned down

[HeretoLearnbaby]

I am surprised nobody has said anything about the "I love big boobies" line - I took you're advice and toned my profile down a bit, now it's nice and unique/funny, but less "In-your-face"

The "I love big boobies" line I through in there, won't that get me looked at as a horny superficial guy? I look at it as I am just stating what I like, and actually I got a message from a girl who has big boobies and is not super anorexic thin, saying she likes my profile and "I am silly" - wich is the impression I want.

Also, I have 3 different pictures of me hanging out with girls. Actually 2 of them are ex girlfriend and her friends, and one of them is me with my sisters, who are actually HB9's (no I dont check my sisters out, they where popular in high school, both prom queens ect) - but I didn't put that, I just put "These are some friends" - Pretty clever huh? No we don't really look alike.

Should I take those pictures OFF? or should I leave them on. Also what can I do to get more girls to message me? Should I start opening with cocky/funny? Advice appreciated.

[HeretoLearnbaby]

Originally Posted by miaddict

Awesome!

Sorry.

[Mungojerry]

haha! I like it.

Be sure to tell us how it works after you've field tested it for a while.

[minuterice]

Yeah unless you're like a male model...with like some like..Adonis bod or some shit..I don't really see this workin..but who knows everythings worth a shot.all about that experimentation

[chill84]

I think a profile like this would work best for an overweight, pizza-faced warcraft nerd. People expect Male models to have this kind of attitude