dating -> where we stand (shutdown) -> FB - The Attraction Forums

Diddy1 · #1 08-12-2008, 04:07 PM

simple... hung out with this girl 3 months... basically dated without a title... after 3 months i ask her as casually as possible where we stand... she says she doesnt want a rel... then she goes distant on me... I would like to keep her around as a FB but i think shes being distant because she thinks im looking for a rel (i dont want her to have this mindset)

what do i say to her?

we havnt talked much so even setting up so i can have this convo face to face will be an issue... im thinking a text (neither of us are phone people) is nonconfrontational, and she can respond however she wants to

what about something along the lines of...

Quote:

I hope you realize even though I didnt verbalize it when we talked, I want to continue being friends like we were

my intent bringing up where we stood wasnt to change things but to figure out where your mindset was...

I really enjoyed hanging out like we were and since we had quite a bit over the last few months I figured it was due time to at least bring it up

i dont think it comes across as needy, but stating where i stand with us... give me your opinions or a better idea of how to handle this situation

LGFUAD · #2 08-12-2008, 04:53 PM

imo, it sounds to apologetic... cant come up with anything better though...

Sarge in Charge · #3 08-13-2008, 02:06 AM

Are you sure you just want to keep her around as a FB? Me thinks you're still harbouring a hope for something more...

Regardless of your true intentions, anything you do now is likely to be interpreted by her as an attempt on your behalf to "keep your foot in the door".

Give it time. Game other girls. Re-initiate contact with her in two or three weeks and start with attraction again.

Diddy1 · #4 08-14-2008, 06:01 PM

she texts me back

"hey sorry i just got off work and saw ur texts. Im really sorry for the way things worked out. everything you did and said was completely appropriate."

"i just think at this point we should just be friends. i dont want to hold you back from pursuing other things just cause im not ready for that kind of relationship."

how do i respond that everything has been chill... ive been pursuing other girls, and id like to keep her as a FB

Diddy1 · #5 08-14-2008, 06:28 PM

it sounds like she got the wrong impression of me bringing it up

It sounds like i should reply to this pretty quick.... so any quick advice would be appreciated bigtime!

TheRogue · #6 08-14-2008, 06:39 PM

Hmm...wow. Do you think it's possible for the two of you to meet up in person? Say something like you don't want to have this convo over text, and get her over to your place if possible. Amp up the attraction and say you don't want that kind of relationship and you were just making sure she was happy with the way things were, cuz you don't want to hold her back.

...then fuck her brains out so she forgets the whole "friends" thing.

Good luck,

Rogue

Diddy1 · #7 08-14-2008, 06:47 PM

i probably wont get to see her for at least a few weeks... she lives an hour and a half away and im busy the next few weekends...

how can i word it via phone or whatever that #1 im cool with being friends (i dont have to get into details... i can amp up attraction and turn into fb next time i see her) and #2 ive been pursuing other girls (tricky)

ive got two diff opinions so far... one girl thinks she was freaked out by me bringing up where we stood and she was honest by saying "i dont want to hold you back from pursuing other things just cause im not ready for that kind of relationship" and she might still be interested in being friends/hookup buddies, and the other girl thinks that was just her way of saying things are over and she was trying to be nice and let me off easy

orion76 · #8 08-15-2008, 04:14 AM

I'd reply with something like you agree with her and just want to be friends too and it would be cool if you could just catch a movie sometime as friends, and then don't contact her again for 2 weeks. You don't have to tell her you are pursuing other girls, you can demonstrate you are not pursuing HER by not contacting her for a couple of weeks.

After that just casually ask if she wants to hang out and catch a movie. If you get to see her again I wouldn't even mention this issue, just be the person that she likes, the way you behaved that made her attracted to you in the beginning. Make her laugh, have a good time, be tactile if she's cool with it but don't apply any pressure etc. Pretend it's your first date and start over.

Diddy1 · #9 08-18-2008, 02:17 PM

yea i replied i just want to be friends too and said itd be cool if we can catch a drink sometime as friends

she replied with "yea i think thatd be a good idea"

ill be up in dc sept 5th... so i might hit her up then (that would be 3 weeks from last contact)... think thatd be ok or should i wait longer?

been gaming other girls quite a bit since we had the talk... 1 k-close, and 2 #-closes this last weekend... its gonna take a while to get over her...

TheRogue · #10 08-18-2008, 03:43 PM

3 weeks sounds fine, just don't contact her till then.

Rogue