Cheating girlfriend or am I going crazy?

[Untamed21]

I am in a long distance relationship(about 50kms apart) and been dating this lady for about 16 months.

I love her very much but I think she' s not very truthful.

This all started in our 3rd month, I was unsure about the relationship and pulled away. Its her birthday and she gets flowers from one of my ex-friends and brings it home to my place.I felt hurt.

then I' m sick in bed with flu and I tell her not to come visit cause she might get sick.I ask her what she will be doing on Friday and she says she' s going dancing with friends and some guy called Richard from out of town. I wasn't that into this woman at that time as a result of the flower scene with my now ex-friend.

My gut tells me something amiss and I take a drive to her place and at 1h30 in the morning that guy is in her place. I ring the bell and she doesn' t open. I left a snotty message on her phone..I know I shouldn't have rung the bell and act like a wuss that night..I confront her the next day and she says that all guys are not like me and I can' t tell her what to do. I forgive her but don' t forget. she even tells me she thinks the guy is gay. The next weekend her cellphone is off the whole weekend.... In my anger I chat on a chatroom and a woman sends me explicit pics of herself.The girlfriend checks my phone and sees it..I didn' t meet the woman,felt bad and left it.

The relationship is fine..i start to distrust my gut as a result cause my gut tells me something is wrong and I don' t act. Work starts going badly and she' s doing fine at work.She sticks around and supports me mentally on weekends.I am greatful for that.

Now her cell is always on silent,whereas mine is there for her to see and she says that she' s entitled to her privacy.. I find it weird that when two people are together there should be third parties involved. Just my upbringing suppose. I have my faults too and am not perfect..

Fast forward to now..My gut tells me something wrong. Phone still on silent, she' s on facebook now, I am too but she blocked me that time as she says I overanalyze things and I think that she' s sleeping with guy friends on facebook and that my mind is warped..hehe..I must really be into this woman , cause I wouldn't take this from any other one..

I go overseas on business and so does she and I come back a couple of days later. She saw this as me not making a commitment to her cause she could meet my family and all her friends said it was wrong..I don't care what the friends say..

I ask her whether she went out like any caring guy does and she starts accusing me of being possessive ,jealous ,insecure . Then she accuses me of checking her facebook profile which I didn' t. she says that I would only ask if I had checked her profile as she had posted pics of that night there.

I get suspicious and I ask my sis to check on her profile as they are friends.The pics aren' t there and there are pics of her and other guys overseas. Can' t make out if its bad anyway. I search on facebook and find the pics on a group and see her dancing with a dude and he dancing with her friend.He' s the friends dance partner. What makes it funny then is that he has one of the pics as his profile pic..hehe

When I ask her calmly whether she has pics on her facebook profile she blocks my sis too. She probably suspects that I checked on her. when I ask her who her friends dance partner is then she tells me he has a girlfriend. I didn' t ask that,did I?

Now she tells me that I need counselling to get rid of my jealousy because her life coach told her so and whilst I go for counselling I need to cut off all ties with her for at least a month.Meaning no visits,calls,contact. That her life coach says will remove my jealousy..

The thing is that my girlfriend can go where she pleases,see who she wants and I never interfere..

She now changes her mind about the whole counselling thing and I'm not going for any counselling..She says I snore too much is not that into sex anymore and when we go to a club I catch her staring at other dudes..When I ask why she's staring she freaks..lol

When other girls show interest she doesn't like it though..WTF do I do here?

Am I going mad or what?

[Jerm]

first of all im a noob at this so take this with a huge grain of salt.
that being said, dump the bitch.
if you guys are making each other crazy jealous it just wasnt meant to be. maybe she likes making you jealous because shes an attention whore. girls are so strange sometimes. personally i could care less if a girl cheats on me because the reality is i know i could go out and find another one within a few weeks/month. maybe if youd taken the same approach and ignored the stimuli from the very start, whereby not "rewarding" her actions with attention you wouldnt find yourself in this position. maybe. anyways, hope that helps, and sorry if this reply sounds like tough love.

Jerm

[mrgravez]

I'd get out of the relationship as said above. Your relationship is not healthy, normal people, even in a LDR do not over obsess like you are doing. You need to break off the relationship, take some time to yourself, and possibly get some serious help. It sounds as if you are a creepy stalker, in the worst way imaginable. I am not trying to be mean, seriously, reread what you wrote and tell me that you honestly believe you do not need some sort of help outside of these forums.


Here are some key points that you may need some help outside this forum from a trained professional:

My gut tells me something amiss and I take a drive to her place (100KM Round trip) and at 1h30 in the morning that guy is in her place.

In my anger I chat on a chatroom and a woman sends me explicit pics of herself.The girlfriend checks my phone and sees it..I didn' t meet the woman,felt bad and left it.

Now her cell is always on silent,whereas mine is there for her to see and she says that she' s entitled to her privacy.

I get suspicious and I ask my sis to check on her profile as they are friends.

She probably suspects that I checked on her. when I ask her who her friends dance partner is then she tells me he has a girlfriend. I didn' t ask that,did I?

[Vapor]

You are acting like a possessive wackjob.

[Jerm]

cmon boys, i know you mean well, we all do, but untamed21 is prob in a really dark place right now and is coming to US for support and advice. Honestly ? what mrgravez and vapor said is prob true from the perspective of your gf and other girls, however, i dont think your actions necessarily determine who you are, or your entire emotional state in this scenario. Maybe you do need help, but that isnt for me to determine. Would it benefit you ? Who knows ? your gf's life coach might think so but your gf might not be telling her life coach 100% of the truth, eg leaving out all of the things she has done to trigger these reactions in you. I still think you need a clean start. swear off women for a month and stick to something you are really good at to rebuild your confidence, then get your stick back on the ice.
but again, im a noob... what do i know ?

Jerm

[the_sLiDe]

i completely agree with everyone here, this relationship is destructive.

[sampanye]

I know you're probably feeling a bit down right now, but honestly, I 100% agree with Vapor and mrgravez.

Originally Posted by Vapor

You are acting like a possessive wackjob.

If my boyfriend did even one of those things mrgravez quoted, he would be out of the picture so fast.

[sdnightfly]

"Accusing" you of checking her facebook?

There's way too many jealousy and trust issues, and it's hard to say who is more jealous than the other.

The long distance, and from what it sounds like, work is making it difficult to build anything. It also sounds like she likes her independence, she likes attention from men, and even if she's not sleeping around, she likes the attention.

Women are good at deflecting the ugly truth of what they're up to by being upset at you.

I think part of you wants to end it and don't want to be the one to say it.

I had a gut instinct and my gut instinct proved me right. But I didn't accuse her of anything until I was 100 percent sure there was something going on. Before then I was preparing to walk out of the relationship vs stalking her or hiring someone to follow her, and get my own life going.

If my girlfriend wants to have her own life or wants to be in a LDR, fine, but she's not going to be an exclusive girlfriend. I wouldn't care if she had someone over at 1AM. I'd be busy, or we'd talk.

She sounds like someone that is a better friend to talk to when you're stressed than an occasional girlfriend you see here and there.

I see nothing wrong with counseling, but she shouldn't be the one telling you to go. To her, that fixes HER problems. You cutting her out of your life for a month is a really weird thing to say.

I'd take it one step further... I'd cut her COMPLETELY out of my life and move on to someone else. Your sister can keep in touch with her, but don't waste your time asking how she's doing, she'll just tel you.

A life coach isn't clinically trained, or in my opinion, would be someone to take advice all that seriously from. It's "feel good" information that isn't about therapy. It has its uses, motivating one's self, but he or she's not a psych and could be reaffirming what she believes, and bouncing it back to her.

I'd ask her the question about whether we're better as friends and see what she says. I don't get a feel that this is going to be a quality relationship, which is what you really want, not a security blanket.

I'd ask your sister what she thinks next and give you an honest answer, and promise not to get upset over what she tells you. Don't let her tell you what she thinks you want to hear.

It sounds like there's attraction but a lot of apart time, and complacency. Maybe she knows you're available to her at anytime she feels like seeing you, so she controls it. It doesn't come across like she really wants to see you right now, the "I wish you were here", sweet nothings, flirting.. you know what I mean? Nothing about it sounded like a fun relationship.

[Untamed21]

I appreciate your view and I respect it..

This woman also seems to be distant when it comes to sex as she's catholic and won't try anal,squirting or even 69. She only wants sex in the mornings too..

All my other girlfriends would do it at all times and they were adventurous.

Now she's thinking of marriage and maybe her upbringing makes her a prude or she's getting it somewhere else?..lol

Thanks again

[Vapor]

Originally Posted by Untamed21

This woman also seems to be distant when it comes to sex as she's catholic and won't try anal,squirting or even 69. She only wants sex in the mornings too..

If she's having sex with you, those other things have nothing to do with religion. She just doesn't want to. You might as well say she won't try 69 because she's from Idaho. That ain't it.

Now she's thinking of marriage and maybe her upbringing makes her a prude or she's getting it somewhere else?..lol

She's not going outside her comfort zone with you because you don't make her comfortable. You engage in stalker behavior. That does not create trust.