Cheat once to cheat again?? - The Attraction Forums

xOddity · #1 08-15-2008, 06:40 PM

I'm in a LDR and just recently found out that she has cheated and been cheated on before. In response to this information I expressed to her that if she does cheat WE ARE DONE! I also explained to her that I am a prize and if she can find another man better than me, touche. I trust this woman 100% but thats not to say the following question doesn't cross my mind..

My question is if someone has cheated once before then how probable is it that they will cheat again?

Thanks for any thoughts.

SplitApart · #2 08-15-2008, 07:34 PM

Well, judging from the way you explained the situation...
How probable?

Most likely a 58.235423525252% chance.
(0.o)

Seriously man, we can't tell you this, you know she's cheated so she's capable of doing it again, if it does, whatever. Good for you. You can devote your time to someone else.

btw, how did you explain to her you were "a prize." You didn't actually SAY it like that, right, or tell her if she found a better man, leave you, huh.

You said you trust her 100%; If you do, then stop thinking about this.

_Game_ · #3 08-15-2008, 07:35 PM

I know many people can be a fan of A person can change. But I believe once a cheat, always a cheat. Especially in a LDR. She probably has cheated on you again, you just dont know about it. And if she is any good at keeping this, you never will. LDRs rarely work, especially with a person with a past history of cheating. And no, being cheated on is no excuse, dont tell yourself that.

_Game_

sampanye · #4 08-15-2008, 10:50 PM

Everyone likes to give second chances, but it certainly is harder to trust someone not to cheat if you know they've done it before.

But wide generalisations aren't the point here. Nor is it possible to establish exactly how likely she is to cheat on you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xOddity

I trust this woman 100% but thats not to say the following question doesn't cross my mind..

If you truly trusted her 100%, you wouldn't be asking this question.

What does it say that you ARE asking this question?

LDRs are hard. They're not for everyone. I don't want to repeat myself, but it might be worth reading what I said about LDRs the other day in the thread Complications in an LDR.

mindquicken · #5 08-15-2008, 11:08 PM

i beleive all girls are capable of cheating. you can give her a chance.

FemmeFatale · #6 08-16-2008, 07:00 AM

May i also suggest, dont explain you're a prize.. everybody knows that when people have a need to state something, they really dont believe it (EG: "Im really a nice girl")
You have to show her you're a prize.

If she cheats on you.. her loss.. but I'm sure you've also done things you're not proud of.. surely you dont want to be judged based on those things forever do you?

sdnightfly · #7 08-17-2008, 01:26 PM

It doesn't matter if someone cheated or was cheated on. Find out which happened first, ask her what compelled her to cheat, how she felt either way, and tell her that if she feels the urge to sleep with someone, to let you know because she knows that the guilt sucks.

Nothing is 100 percent. You have to give room for human error, and forgive people for their mistakes, or they never learn.

I don't believe once a cheat, always a cheat, either. We make mistakes, any number of things can happen in life that tempt you, and it's foolish pride to say "I will NEVER cheat" like a badge of honor.

I just tell someone not to lie to me or it's over. I can forgive someone who cheats on me, if it's a one time thing and they are sincere in it never happening again. I might not sleep with her for a while, but it's disappointing. It doesn't mean I can't get over it. I don't buy the crying if they get busted. I tune it out. Just don't lie about something that puts me at risk.

In an LDR I would just tell her that if she slips up, to just tell me even if you think I'll be upset about it. I can't guarantee that we'll break up or not over it, but I'll respect you for being honest. But that's a big secret to keep, and as friends I'd want you to be able to confide in me, too.

redalpha · #8 08-18-2008, 12:59 AM

im with most of the guys here. anything is possible and you can never rule it out. after all she could be out at a bar on a "girls night" and run into mystery lol. my advice though is never tell a girl "if she cheats on you its over." (dont say its ok either, if you are exclusive she knows its not ok and you dont have to specify) back to my point, you should never say it would be over if she cheats because if (god forbid) she does cheat you have given her all the reason she needs to keep it a secret. and once she keeps it from you she has no reason not to keep cheating.

i am speaking from experience, both being the cheater, victim and i have also hooked up with a girl who had a boyfriend who told her exactly what you told your girl.

anyway you obviously cant take it back, but if it doesn't work out don't say it again in the future. good luck

Iceman JJP · #9 08-18-2008, 01:43 AM

Did she cheat because she was cheated on, or was it two completely different relationships.

If it was a response, then I wouldn't worry too much.

If she done it... just to do it... then it is in her character. Expect it.

sampanye · #10 08-18-2008, 02:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iceman JJP

Did she cheat because she was cheated on, or was it two completely different relationships.

Following on from this, how did she feel about her cheating? Was she upset by what she'd done? Did she feel guilty and regretful? If she felt this way afterwards, it's worth giving her a chance. Someone like this is likely to learn from their past mistakes.

Or, alternatively, is this something of a habit for her? If she didn't lose any sleep over her indiscretion, then I'd be far more worried.