I Can't Fight My Nature

[Gabriel]

I have a dilemma.

I can’t fight my nature.

I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for several years now. It’s a serious, monogamous relationship that I acquired through the help of the theories and tactics of this community.

Since the beginning, however, it’s been a struggle. I’ve constantly looked at other women and had this urge to approach and fuck other women. I mean, I love my girlfriend so I shouldn’t be having those types of thoughts and urges, right? Sadly, I have approached and fucked other women. Nothing makes me sadder than to watch a truly beautiful seduction be snuffed out before it can bloom by the preoccupation with a monogamous relationship. Guilt ridden, I still continue.

There have been certain ideologies that have really hit me and help me understand the complexity of my juxtaposing desires, like Johnny Soporno’s ‘Spread the Seed’ theory, the polyamory mindset, and, particularly, Brad P’s ‘The Male Conundrum’ post.

I’m not sure if the seduction community has caused me to be this way or if it is truly my nature. I think in part this community and its theories might have helped me REALIZE and ACCEPT my true nature, instead of rationalize and suppress it.

I often wonder if I’m the only one with these conflicting urges and desires. I often wonder if I will EVER be able to be in a monogamous relationship without my inherent desires as a man coming out.

I admit it, I can’t fight my nature.

[wocked]

If you're going to keep cheating on your girlfriend then have the decency to break up first. She deserves better.

[jiggatycoon]

Yea it goes both ways. There are girls like this too. It's not a matter of "male nature" or any of that BS...it's a matter of character and self control.

[mindquicken]

find a girl who is OK with an open relationship, they're out there

[krytek]

A lot of alpha males are like you.

[sampanye]

If you want to be with other women and if you "can't fight your urges" (a lame way of saying you can't take responsibility for your own actions), have the decency to break up with your girlfriend first.

Having these "thoughts and urges" is natural and unavoidable. Everyone has them from time to time.

Acting on them is something different.


Take responsibility for your own actions and make a choice between playing the field and staying in a monogamous relationship. If you really 'love' your girlfriend, you wouldn't be betraying her like this.

[orion76]

I have a similar issue. The thought of being limited to only 1 girl for X years or forever frustrates me, but I don't feel right when I cheat. No matter how strong my resolve of "I will be single forever" after a LTR ends I always end up catching one-itis again down the road.

Open relationship doesn't work for me, the frustration of not being able to play doesn't feel worse than the feeling of her being with other guys.

What works for me is to only get serious with bi-sexual girls that are genuinely interested in sarging girls with me for threesomes. I say "genuinely" because I have found out the hard way that when a girl does it only because she's scared of losing you if she doesn't then it just makes things worse.

Know what you want and qualify early, I bring the subject up from day 1 and don't bother with girls that don't seem excited by the idea. I will at some point, after plenty of fantasizing with her, tell her "I want you to do this because it's something that you want to do, you don't have to do this to get me to like you more, if it never happens that's totally cool" and leave the next initiative with her after that.

Anyway, that's how I compromised with my nature

[Mooks]

The human tragedy consists in the necessity of living with the consequences under pressure.

Keep doing what you are doing if you can live with the consequences.
(One would have to assume that you either believe that your g/f would be ok with finding out about this, or simply that it doesn't concern you. What if the shoe were on the other foot?)

Stop doing what you are doing if you cannot.
(Based on a cost benefit analysis of the situation, you may find that keeping your dance card open allows you to meet new and exciting people and as a result you might actually find someone who is more in line with how you see the world. That and it's nice to have a cow at home you are guaranteed milk with)

[Phateless]

Sampanye - I find myself identifying with the OP up until the point of actually hooking up with other women. I am with a girl I love, yet the temptation of other women is a constant struggle. It's not occasional either, it's like all the damn time. I have seriously wondered if I am capable of true monogamy at all. It can be maddening at times. I have never and will never cross any lines. I believe in fidelity and respect and I intend to honor the promise I made her, but sometimes it's difficult.

[ooranos]

This is the problem with long term monogamy. It's not natural.

What you have to understand is that you entered into a social contract. You need to respect that contract. So you either need to stop cheating, or turn this monogamous LTR into an open relationship LTR (almost impossible to move back in that direction).

If you don't agree with monogamy as a social construct (I sure don't), then next time, don't agree to it.