The Elusive Orgasm...ladies help!

[mindquicken]

Originally Posted by TheRogue

It's not your mission in life to make her cum. Sex is like the sundae; orgasm is the cherry on top. A sundae is still good without the cherry.
Rogue

I like this

[sampanye]

TS and Rogue have already said most of what I would say, but it never hurts to hear it confirmed, especially by another girl.

An orgasm is NOT the result of the correct manual stimulation. Not for women, anyway. It doesn't matter how good your technique is, if she has a mental block about it, it's just not going to happen.

This is nothing to do with you. She has trauma from her past that she really, really should be seeing a psychologist about. She needs to work through the issues. That's not something you should to be doing with her, but the right psychologist can 'unlock' trauma memories and turn them just into 'memories', something that happened rather than something that still tortures her subconscious mind. May I repeat, it's not your place to be 'helping her through this'. That will piss her off greatly and may even make things worse for her.

You're pressuring her to have an orgasm. She doesn't want to do it for herself, she wants to do it "for you". This is stressing her out and the more stressed/pressured she feels, the less likely she is to have an orgasm!

Furthermore, she's loving the sex even without orgasms. As Rogue said, the orgasm is the cherry on top, not the sundae itself. YOU are the one who needs her to orgasm. She's only concerned because you are.

You need to work on your own expectations of sex. You see it as an opportunity to 'get off', ie to orgasm. But this isn't the main point of sex. Not for girls, anyway. Be intimate with her. Tell her how much you love fucking her. Focus on the entire experience and try to forget orgasms altogether.

[the_sLiDe]

I think that this is a sticking point for most guys... I for one have a little bit of difficulty with this... and i'm with you man my gf almost never cums.. but she's totally happy... and yes sometimes it feels shitty for me because you wish you could do something... but as long as she's happy i'm happy haha..

[TrueStory]

sLiDe,

Typically, more foreplay helps girls come during sex. And Not all girls the same, but virtually any girl will love if you eat her out a little bit, do a lot of sensual touching and slow down (as in not rush to put it in). The hotter she gets, the more intense orgasm she'll have.

Of course there are some girls, like in OP's example, who cannot cum for other reasons.

[the_sLiDe]

thats all nice and good but if you do all that stuff and she still doesn't cum does it matter?? as long as she's happy ! lol

[TrueStory]

You're only 20, don't worry, it'll come with more experience. Read couple books, look into Male Multiple Orgasms;

I was pretty shitty in bed when I was 20 too. But in past three years, I've gotten from zero to hero. It's just a matter of learning about woman's sexuality. Once you understand all the little quirks, you'll start having ridiculously noticeable progress.

[the_sLiDe]

haha well thx for the tips... i'll practice on my gf LOL

[Ken Ryder]

Dude, I'll bet she has more psychological issues than you're aware of... I would just break up with her and not deal with it...

[Bobby K]

Rogue,

well put:

"She'll come when she's ready. It's not your mission in life to make her cum. Sex is like the sundae; orgasm is the cherry on top. A sundae is still good without the cherry." and

"If she acts disappointed, tell her sex is a journey and she doesn't have to worry about the destination. One day she'll reach it, and you'll be right there when she does."

Captures the essence.

[Xadus]

Thanks guys. and girls...i still need help making her cum...its a huge hill and we cant overcome it.