 Have you Ever MIND FUCKED someone. HAHAHA i have, and im gonna share it with you!!
The game for me is all about having fun!! Sure, you might get laid, but i like the power.. Call me maniacal, but its true.
Heres a little story of a girl that hasnt seen me for a while. Last time she saw me, I had en extra 40 pounds around my waist, and a nice pair of supple man breasts.. We'll call her HBMF short for HB MINDFUCKED
She texts me :Hey, is it true?
Humorus: No, your mom is just trying to look cool in front of her friends tell them I slept with her!
HBMF: SHut up! No, someone told me that you looked really good, and you lost alot of weight and put on alot of muscle BLAH BLAH BLAH
Humorus: Oh, that.. Yeah.. its true
HBMF: Meet me somewhere I want to see you.
Humorus: Ohh wait up little missy, Now a days, im a commodity, Theres a list, You have to take a number, and you have to wait in line.
HBMF: what? really? :-(
Humorus: They dont call me the Flesh covered Jack hammer for nothing
HBMF: LOL, seriously, just for some coffee or something.
Humorus: Ohh, i would, but i dont have any gas or anything.. and i dont feel like spending money.
HBMF: I'll pick you up and it'll be my treat.
Humorus: Well... Okay, but NOOOO MONKEY BUSINESS (suckerHAHAHA)
HBMF: Deal
As she drives towards my house, Im getting ready. I put on the shirt that shows off my physique the best, and putting on the jeans that accentuate my package JUUUUUST RIGHT
I look good, and i Feel GREAT!
She gets to my house, rings my doorbell, and i answer it.
HBMF: OH MY GOD!! YOU LOOK AMAZING!!
(she jumps up and hugs me, throws her legs around me and starts kissing my neck)
Humorus:Woah Woah woah!! No MONKEY BUSINESS REMEMBER!!
(i pry her off with my beautifully shaped arms)
HBMF: what? really
Me: Yes, really. I have morals and standards , and its just our first date.
HBMF: (i smell a wire in a brain short circuiting) Oh really?? (seductive look) So if i told you , lets go to your room right now, You'd say no??
Me: (seductive look) well, ask me and you'll find out..
HBMF: Lets go to your room, Pleeeeease.
Me: NO! you said we were gonna go for coffee and thats it!
HBMF (wires are frying)FINE!
We go for coffee, and at the coffee shop. i sit across from her at a table.
on purpose...
Im acting Laid back, cool, not leaning in towards the conversation whatsoever. just chilled out.. She's leaning in all over the table talking to me. Giving me all the power.
HBMF: okay, im gonna move next to you so i can flirt with you.
Humorus: Damn, I was kind of hoping that you would stay on that side so people dont assume we're together.. I wanted to hit on the girl at the cashiers box, and youre totally gonna cock block me. (hahaha mindfuck)
hbmf:no, youre all mine tonight.
humorus: you better hurry, if i dont get home before midnight, the same shit that happened to cinderella will happen to me.
HBMF:you never turn it off do you?
Humorus: Never.
She gets next to me, and throws her leg in between mine (spreading herself open) She grabs my hand and puts it on her inner thigh..Gives me a (Hey, i want you to fuck me Look) I slide my hand away from her thigh, and tap her knee, like a friend.. HAHAHA
(inner thought, HOLY SHIT!!! im about to get a massive hard on.)
she puts her hand on my inner thigh, and starts to slide up towards my Package..
Mind you, the people in the coffee shop are all looking at me.. HAHA i love attention.
She's sliding up and up, and Finally, shes about to grab my member, and i slap her hand! Hard slap..
Me: Its our first date! I cant.. I am not that type of guy. I think i need to go home.
(inner thought.. This girl is gonna wanna rape me at the house, and im not gonna let her.)
In the car, she keeps on trying to grab my Tube steak (yeah, i have tons of names for the male genitalia) but i keep slapping her hand away.
we get to my house,
me: well, this is me i guess, dont worry, you dont have to walk me to the door.
HBMF: no, its okay, i will (Talk about a fucking role reversal from hell huh?)
Me: OKay
so we're walking towards my door, we stop at the door, and she's thinking of a way to carry the conversation... (hahaha like the movies)
we get to my door step, and i go in for a kiss.. She puckers up, and i kiss her on the cheek good night.. HAHA!
Hbmf: Thats it?
Humorus: What?
HBMF: (the most straight forward i have ever heard a girl tell me) You know you can take advantage of me right now, just take me to your room, and do it.
Humorus: Yeah, I know. But im not that type of guy.. Good night.
EVIL CACKLE!!!!!
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Im not into the Romantic sex thing. I fuck hard, i throw shit around the room, I do voices, and i fuck with my cowboy boots on while wearing bunny ears and lab goggles. When i finish, i do a chewbaca noise to let her know im done. I tell her she's more than welcome to stay, but i might fart on her leg in the middle of the night, and she'll think differently of me in the morning.. They always come back because they've never had so much fun.. GOT FRAME?- HumorUS
Warnings: 2 |
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