[portlandbirdman]

I've never had a serious relationship with a woman. I'm 41 and looking to find a lady I'm attracted to & can get along with who wants to have kids (a woman say between 24 and 36). I'm aware that mentioning kids up front is generally a no no. And I'm quite willing to play the field and to have short term flings to see if one is suitable to go longer term. I moved from Utah to Portland to start a new life. In Utah I never felt comfortable engaging in serious dating. Now that I'm in Portland I'm coming out of a box where now I actually feel like dating and having a woman around full time.

This evening I went to an Irish pub called Kells. Here's what occurred. I'd appreciate some feedback.

When I arrived I found two ladies sitting at a table talking. They eyed me a bit, but they didn't smile per se when they saw me. They were engaged in a heavy conversation. It was unclear to me whether I should have tried to talk to them since I was alone and they were two. I was more attracted to one of the two.

I had a pint of Guinness which I thought would help. It loosened me up a bit. But then I went on to have a red vodka drink. That put me into sleepy mode.

In a dating book I've been reading (How to Succeed With Women) it says not to be concerned about outcomes. But after a pint of Guinness and some red vodka thing, I became so unconcerned about outcomes that all I wanted to do was go home and sleep.

My apartment is clean & nice & largely ready for a visitor. But perhaps it's a mistake for me to start drinking right off, or at least to not drink so much so soon.

In the cigar bar downstairs I saw a lady sitting alone at a table. I thought about asking if she wanted someone to talk to. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm not a smoker, and I have four parrots so having a smoker around full time would be bad. But I could certainly live with the short term affections from a lady who is.

There were lots of nice looking women at the place. It was a different setting than what I saw two weeks ago. Sometimes you never know what you're going to get there or what's going to happen. This is my third visit to the place. Each time I've not had the balls to ask. But the environment was generally fun.

All in all I would say there were two or three instances where I could have jumped in and spoken to someone. In two cases they were instances where two women were sitting together talking. And then the lone woman downstairs.

It's still unclear to me what you're supposed to say when two women are talking at a table and when you're attracted to only one of the two.

I do feel bad for not approaching anyone, perhaps particularly the lady downstairs. But I know that tomorrow's another day.

When I'm tired and have had one too many drinks it doesn't help. And the fact that in public I don't typically approach people to talk to - that's another contributing factor.

This evening I arrived at about 9PM, and left at 11:15. After the two drinks I walked around the streets a bit & saw many other people. But my motivation for approaching or speaking to anyone was gone.

During the day when I have my birds out with me, people tend to talk to me because they see my cool birds. At work they talk to me because they need a problem solved.

I can teach classrooms of people. And I can talk to people at an event I organize. But asking a woman I'm attracted to at a bar if they want to talk, I'm not quite there yet. But maybe I'm a bit closer.

It would be a lot easier if I had someone to go with. But the problem I have approaching women caries over or is also directly related to the fact that I have no wingman per se.

Anyway in hindsight I realize I need to a.) not drink too quickly at a bar or club, and b.) do more approach more people away from bars for any type of conversation.

If you have some comment on how to approach two women sitting at a table, when you're attracted to one of the two, and when you don't have a wingman, please let me know.

Also FYI much of my life was spent as a fat man with thick glasses. Now I'm skinny and the thick glasses are gone. My profession is one of service, and my personality type tends to go along with a teacher type. But I still want to be able to have the balls to get a woman I'm attracted to, and not one who is fairly unattractive to me who approaches me because no one else will approach them.

I have done bold things such as quit my job in Utah and move to Portland with no job waiting. Also I did some past public protests on issues I care about. But none of that involved reaching into my emotional heart and trying to share it with someone.

And I can be wry and funny and outrageous, but I need to have some fairly thick ice broken to do so.

Before starting reading the book mentioned above I also read the Guide to Picking up Girls. That book advised to just do bold things regardless. But I haven't been able to force myself quite yet.