10 Ways To Keep Your Girl Around

[Tastie]

I know I'm new here, but if there's one thing I know about, it's how to keep a girl around. I have yet to break up with a girl and not have her calling me/showing up at my place on an almost daily basis for at least a year after the fact. I can't get rid of 'em no matter how hard I try.

Here are 10 simple ideas you can consider to keep your women around!

1. Dating is war. That never changes, no matter how "comfortable" you get with her. One person is winning and the other is losing. The person who is winning almost always is the one that ends the relationship. Always maintain the upper hand. The person who is losing only leaves if they completely snap (this means: go for the close win. Keep it a good game. If it's a slaughter, she'll bail to try to save face.)

2. Along the same lines, don't EVER tell her you love her, even if you really do. This will give her power, and she WILL exercise it. The only time this is acceptable is if you're winning by a landslide. Don't say it dramatically either. Mention it like it's no big deal if you think she's about to bail. If it comes to this, say it as rarely as possible and always say it like you don't really mean it.

3. Make sure you have at least one trait or habit that pisses her off and she wants to change. If you smoke and she can't stand it, perfect; keep smoking. She doesn't like you watching sports all the time? Keep watching them. If there's nothing that you do that bothers her, find something she hates and start doing it. Be sure to tell her that you value her input and know that if you made the change she's asking for, you'd become a better person. When she nags at you (and ONLY when she's nagging at you) about it, tell her you're trying to change but it's really difficult. Tell her you need her support and that you know you can change if she continues to help you.

4. Show as little emotion as possible. Don't ever open up emotionally to your gf. If you absolutely need to open up emotionally to someone, do it to a female friend. Hey, they do this to us, why not actually get something out of having them around?

5. Send mixed signals. Tell her how much you care about her AND act affectionately toward her, you become too clingy. She dumps you. Do the opposite, you become an asshole. She dumps you. Tell her you want to take your time, you're not ready to REALLY commit, you like things the way they are, you don't want to get married for at least another 5 years, etc... and act SUPER affectionate towards her, she stays. If you do it the other way around, you'd have to avoid physical contact, including sex.

6. Don't cry. Ever (does this even need to be said?).

7. Don't get jealous. If she won't shut up about her new male friend that she's hanging out with all the time (an orbiter), act unconcerned. As long as you're following all the rules, she's doing it in an effort to make you jealous and get a reaction from you. WARNING!!!: If you let this go too far, she WILL cheat on you and tell you about it in a desperate attempt to get you to show her that you care. If you suspect she's getting close to doing this, call her out on it as late as possible.

8. Give glimpses of affection. Do something really romantic completely out of the blue every once in awhile. This doesn't require a lot of money. You could take her for a walk along the beach at sunset, or you could cook her a gourmet candlelit dinner. Be super affectionate on these rare nights. The goal is to be the so-called "perfect man" for just one night. Do this as little as possible, and always make it a surprise.

9. Avoid spending money on her whenever possible, but be careful not to come across as cheap. Nights out at fancy restaurants should happen rarely, if at all. Remember the golden restaurant rule: No HB8, 9, or 10 will ever order more food than her date. You can save a ton of money AND get the credit of taking her to a nice restaurant by eating a hearty meal by yourself beforehand and ordering a salad at the restaurant (thanks to Tom Leykis for this one). Don't buy her gifts unless it is appropriate (e.g. Valentines Day, Christmas, her birthday, NOT when you feel like she's done something to deserve a gift). Make sure that the gift you buy her is expensive enough to keep you from coming across as cheap, but cheaper than her gift if possible. Mis-judging this can be corrected with a romantic evening (which doesn't require money). NEVER spend more than twice as much as what she spent on you. If she sends you hints about getting her something on a random day, tell her you will and blow it off. If she hassles you about it after the fact, tell her giving her a gift wouldn't be romantic if it wasn't a surprise. As soon as you start spending money on her, you'll turn into her ATM. Don't let this happen.

10. Don't ever let her think she understands you. Keep her in a constant state of confusion. Remain as complicated as possible. Following the rules above will dramatically help you achieve this, but you can further this by doing something completely out of the ordinary and acting surprised when she makes a big deal out of it. If she says something along the lines of, "I don't get you," or "I know you so well, but I don't understand you," you're doing a fantastic job.

I recommend you practice these ideas on a few unsuspecting girls first to get the hang of things. They will be much easier to follow with girls you don't really care about. This way, when you finally do meet a girl you want to keep around for awhile, you'll know what you're doing. DO NOT EVER ASSUME THAT THE GIRL YOU'RE DATING IS DIFFERENT FROM THE REST AND WILL RESPOND TO 100% AFFECTIONATE BEHAVIOR!!! If you want to maintain control AND keep the girl around (can you really have one without the other?), you must follow these rules.

I'm sure there are some idealists here that will challenge me on my ideas. I suspect that most of these people fall into the "losing" category of their own relationships and are trying to justify their positions, but I welcome opposition. I think this is a topic that should be explored more in the seduction community.

[DeadEyeDick]

Originally Posted by Tastie

I know I'm new here, but if there's one thing I know about, it's how to keep a girl around.

Welcome to the Forum. And thank you for sharing your expertise.

Originally Posted by Tastie

I have yet to break up with a girl and not have her calling me/showing up at my place on an almost daily basis for at least a year after the fact. I can't get rid of 'em no matter how hard I try.

As much as your bragging might sound like an exaggeration to some, I appreciate your honesty. Despite the fact that some guys may find it difficult to believe that every woman you have ever broken up with has remained under a Svengali-like spell that keeps them calling and visiting you daily, it is something of an achievement, and I applaud you for perfecting this level of game.

Perhaps, in another thread, or in this one, you might explain your time management secrets! I can barely handle two phones and a Facebook account, so your skill at managing what I'm sure are a daily barrage of phone calls and visits from hangers on would benefit quite a few of us to learn. What are your techniques?

Originally Posted by Tastie

1. Dating is war. That never changes, no matter how "comfortable" you get with her. One person is winning and the other is losing. The person who is winning almost always is the one that ends the relationship. Always maintain the upper hand. The person who is losing only leaves if they completely snap (this means: go for the close win. Keep it a good game. If it's a slaughter, she'll bail to try to save face.)

How do you know who is winning? In the fog of war, er, I mean relationships, this can get kind of confusing. Do you use a chart or something? I always wanted to have a relationship war so big that Wolf Blitzer would bring in experts to talk about it on the news! Also, should I get the US Army Field Manual? It seems like that would provide additional information on how to prosecute my relationship war effectively. TAKE NO PRISONERS!

Originally Posted by Tastie

2. Along the same lines, don't EVER tell her you love her, even if you really do. This will give her power, and she WILL exercise it. The only time this is acceptable is if you're winning by a landslide. Don't say it dramatically either. Mention it like it's no big deal if you think she's about to bail. If it comes to this, say it as rarely as possible and always say it like you don't really mean it.

Please make up your mind. If I can't EVER tell her I love her, I can't even if I'm winning, and I'm not even sure how to tell that.

Originally Posted by Tastie

3. Make sure you have at least one trait or habit that pisses her off and she wants to change. If you smoke and she can't stand it, perfect; keep smoking. She doesn't like you watching sports all the time? Keep watching them. If there's nothing that you do that bothers her, find something she hates and start doing it.

This is genius. Question: What if I think she hates it, because she's told me she does, but when I suddenly start doing it she thinks it's adorable? Did I win that one because she likes me MORE now? Or did I lose because I ||||ed up?

Originally Posted by Tastie

4. Show as little emotion as possible. Don't ever open up emotionally to your gf.

What should I do if I already emotionally opened up to her before having read this. Should I tell her I was just kidding, or just never do it again? What about the fact that women read the emotions in men better than the other way around? Maybe I can ask my female friends to tell me if they detect even the slightest hint of emotion on my face even when I'm trying REALLY hard to be stone-faced.

Originally Posted by Tastie

5. Send mixed signals. Tell her how much you care about her AND act affectionately toward her, you become too clingy. She dumps you. Do the opposite, you become an asshole. She dumps you. Tell her you want to take your time, you're not ready to REALLY commit, you like things the way they are, you don't want to get married for at least another 5 years, etc... and act SUPER affectionate towards her, she stays. If you do it the other way around, you'd have to avoid physical contact, including sex.

I'm confused. You "act" like an asshole, or you actually become one. And am I supposed to want sex or not?

Originally Posted by Tastie

6. Don't cry. Ever (does this even need to be said?).

Man Rule: Crying is an expression of emotion, which you already said not to show, so there really aren't 10 tips here. You owe us one.

Originally Posted by Tastie

7. Don't get jealous. If she won't shut up about her new male friend that she's hanging out with all the time (an orbiter), act unconcerned. As long as you're following all the rules, she's doing it in an effort to make you jealous and get a reaction from you. WARNING!!!: If you let this go too far, she WILL cheat on you and tell you about it in a desperate attempt to get you to show her that you care. If you suspect she's getting close to doing this, call her out on it as late as possible..

I guess I'm confused again. How will I know when my confusing behavior, lack of emotion and acting like an asshole are actually driving her away, vs. her just trying to get a reaction by enacting the same confusing behavior, lack of emotion and acting like an asshole that I'm trying to enact? Or the other way around?

Originally Posted by Tastie

8. Give glimpses of affection. Do something really romantic completely out of the blue every once in awhile. This doesn't require a lot of money. You could take her for a walk along the beach at sunset, or you could cook her a gourmet candlelit dinner. Be super affectionate on these rare nights. The goal is to be the so-called "perfect man" for just one night. Do this as little as possible, and always make it a surprise.

Giving glimpes of affection only periodically seems to fall under the category of #5, sending mixed signals, not really a separate rule, so there really aren't 9 tips here. You owe us two.

Originally Posted by Tastie

9. Avoid spending money on her whenever possible, but be careful not to come across as cheap. Nights out at fancy restaurants should happen rarely, if at all. Remember the golden restaurant rule: No HB8, 9, or 10 will ever order more food than her date. You can save a ton of money AND get the credit of taking her to a nice restaurant by eating a hearty meal by yourself beforehand and ordering a salad at the restaurant (thanks to Tom Leykis for this one). Don't buy her gifts unless it is appropriate (e.g. Valentines Day, Christmas, her birthday, NOT when you feel like she's done something to deserve a gift). Make sure that the gift you buy her is expensive enough to keep you from coming across as cheap, but cheaper than her gift if possible. Mis-judging this can be corrected with a romantic evening (which doesn't require money). NEVER spend more than twice as much as what she spent on you. If she sends you hints about getting her something on a random day, tell her you will and blow it off. If she hassles you about it after the fact, tell her giving her a gift wouldn't be romantic if it wasn't a surprise. As soon as you start spending money on her, you'll turn into her ATM. Don't let this happen.

I hate when I turn into a money machine. Except when I really need the cash! Can you supply some ways of keeping track of the value of the gift exchanges you metnion above? I got all confused with the "cheap," "cheaper," "less than" "twice as much" and the paradox of not spending money but obtaining gifts. If you are advocating theft, that's against the Forum rules.

Originally Posted by Tastie

10. Don't ever let her think she understands you.

Sorry, man, but this also falls under #5. Thus, you have delivered only 7 rules, not 10.

You owe us three, and you're treating us like one of those girls in your extensive harem.

Originally Posted by Tastie

I recommend you practice these ideas on a few unsuspecting girls first to get the hang of things.

I absolutely LOVE this! Can we swoop down on the unsuspecting girl, or should we just tap her on the shoulder?

Originally Posted by Tastie

I'm sure there are some idealists here that will challenge me on my ideas.

Well, that's where your wrong, Tastie -- there are NO idealists here. They are screened out early to stop them from talking about buying flowers, writing love songs for chicks, etc.

Originally Posted by Tastie

I suspect that most of these people fall into the "losing" category of their own relationships and are trying to justify their positions, but I welcome opposition.

Interesting ploy there, taking the ol' ad hominem pot shot at anyone who might disagree with you -- um hmmm -- well played -- trying to "justify" their positions, very nice, very strong.

Originally Posted by Tastie

I think this is a topic that should be explored more in the seduction community.

You're quite right. And it's been explored quite a bit already. Browse the Forums. You might learn something.

[mindquicken]

Dating is war? Can you expand on that?

[teachercd]

Soooooo keep smoking to make her mad and kill yourself. Seems a little bit off to me man!

[young dubs]

Originally Posted by teachercd

Soooooo keep smoking to make her mad and kill yourself. Seems a little bit off to me man!

maybe tastie works for marlboro?

[Tempus X]

@DED's post: Hahaha!

I've always said that while you should keep your power for yourself, the moment your relationship becomes more of a power struggle than anything else, you've got a major problem on your hands.

I suspect that most of these people fall into the "losing" category of their own relationships and are trying to justify their positions, but I welcome opposition.

Oh shucks. I disagreed, so I must be in the losing category! However shall I redeem myself?

Ima grab a smoke.

[BigDuke6]

Staying top dog is key. It can be a struggle, especially when you find yourself agreeing to seemingly innocent requests - "We've got plans to go my aunt's baby shower on Saturday". Most guys hope/expect that by agreeing to go it will add up to favor points (aka, more sex), but it doesn't.

[sampanye]

DED's already said a lot, but hey... here's my 2c:

I wouldn't date someone who followed these rules. I suspect they might work on a girl with hideously low self esteem, but most guys would prefer a HSE girl.

Originally Posted by Tastie

1. Dating is war. That never changes, no matter how "comfortable" you get with her. One person is winning and the other is losing.

'Dating' may be war, but what about a long term relationship? Is that still war? What about my parents who have been happily married for 25 years? Are they also still at war? If so, that sounds like a pretty horrible way to spend 25 years.

2. Along the same lines, don't EVER tell her you love her, even if you really do.

Mmm... an emotionally unavailable wanker. Every girl's dream.

3. Make sure you have at least one trait or habit that pisses her off and she wants to change.

Remain your own person, of course. If you like watching sports, keep watching sports. But don't do it solely to piss her off. Do it because you like sports and you're your own person!

4. Show as little emotion as possible. Don't ever open up emotionally to your gf. If you absolutely need to open up emotionally to someone, do it to a female friend.

My friends and I have a name for guys like this: the 'iNAG', or 'insensitive new age guy' (as opposed to the SNAG). We'll put up with this sort of thing for a few months because we assume the guy has been burned pretty badly in the past (by an ex, or maybe his family...) and have emotional issues with opening up. Trust me, no matter HOW MUCH or HOW LITTLE you open up to us, we'll assume there is an underlying emotional reason behind it.

And what do you determine as 'opening up emotionally'? Ok, so don't cry in front of her. Easy. Can you tell her you've had a shit day at work and you're stressed? Is that considered opening up emotionally?

If you're not the kind of guy who is comfortable talking about his deepest feelings, that's no problem. But if you deliberately act aloof, uninterested and unaffected by anything, we'll get frustrated. And eventually... leave.

5. Send mixed signals. Tell her how much you care about her AND act affectionately toward her, you become too clingy. She dumps you. Do the opposite, you become an asshole. She dumps you. Tell her you want to take your time, you're not ready to REALLY commit, you like things the way they are, you don't want to get married for at least another 5 years, etc... and act SUPER affectionate towards her, she stays. If you do it the other way around, you'd have to avoid physical contact, including sex.

I don't really have a problem with this 'rule'. Everyone (especially girls) send mixed signals because we're just not sure of exactly where we want things to go.

I find it interesting and ridiculously stereotypical that you're assuming all girls will stick around in the hope of marriage in 5 years and all guys just want sex. Uhh... don't know if you've noticed (welcome to the forums, mate), but there's a hell of a lot of girls who are just as wary of the term 'commitment' and want sex just as much as any guy.

6. Don't cry. Ever (does this even need to be said?).

No, this doesn't need to be said, because you've already said it in number 4.

7. Don't get jealous. If she won't shut up about her new male friend that she's hanging out with all the time (an orbiter), act unconcerned. As long as you're following all the rules, she's doing it in an effort to make you jealous and get a reaction from you. WARNING!!!: If you let this go too far, she WILL cheat on you and tell you about it in a desperate attempt to get you to show her that you care. If you suspect she's getting close to doing this, call her out on it as late as possible.

Don't get jealous - I agree. To an extent. If she tells you about some guy hitting on her or raves on about a male friend of hers, be cool with it, because you 'know' she's yours and you completely trust her not to want to run off with someone else.

However, part of this 'jealousy' thing is also a feeling of protection that we NEED. If you're at a bar (or anywhere else, for that matter) together and you notice some guy has cornered your girl and is attempting to chat her up, just wander over and slide your arm around her. Catch her eye from across the room and wink at her. SOMETHING. Don't stand there and shrug, or she'll assume you don't give a |||| whether or not she leaves you. She'll assume she has no value to you so why should she bother staying?

Furthermore, if she has to ACTUALLY CHEAT on you in order to get you to prove that you care, something is SERIOUSLY WRONG in the relationship, and you could have prevented it by just occasionally letting her know that you care. Your advice to act as though you're totally unfazed by other men seems ridiculously flawed if it drives her to feel that you couldn't care less who she sleeps with.

8. Give glimpses of affection.

No real issues here.

9. Avoid spending money on her whenever possible, but be careful not to come across as cheap... As soon as you start spending money on her, you'll turn into her ATM. Don't let this happen.

I agree that you shouldn't have to spend loads of money on her in order to keep her around, but not every girl will automatically start to think of you as an ATM. Stop going for the gold diggers and go for the more down to earth girls. If I let him, my BF would spend more on me than I like him to. I LIKE to pay sometimes. That way we're more even and I don't feel as though I owe him something.

10. Don't ever let her think she understands you. Keep her in a constant state of confusion. Remain as complicated as possible.

I'd respond, but these 'rules' have tired me out. As I said, I wouldn't date someone who followed these rules. You say they're for 'keeping a girl around', but you don't appear to have maintained long term relationships... only kept them calling a year later. There's a phenomenal difference between having a successful LTR and having needy girls telephoning you a year after the fact.

I'm sure there are some idealists here that will challenge me on my ideas. I suspect that most of these people fall into the "losing" category of their own relationships and are trying to justify their positions...

I'm very happy where I am in my own relationship, thank you very much, but I did like the sweeping criticism of anyone who might disagree with you. Nice touch.

[calips0]

actually i agree on all of these rules....maybe not to such an extreme, but they are mostly true, at least theyve worked for me me

my last gf of 3 years...i had complete control using all these, then i got too comfortable stopped doing all this, and then was dropped like a bomb ! a year later im still barely over it

[Recluse]

No crying? Awww, shit, I've lost already